Reply to Do you still communicate with your ex spouse on issues not related to your kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We sit together at kids games, do kids birthdays together, trick or treat, Xmas morning, rabdom logistics (like we went together to update the kids passports recently). We live 2 blocks apart and run into each other or pop over to the park in the middle of one of us is missing the kids or we forget to send something to the others house. In those moments we chit chat and catch up about work or our families or the dog or good friends. Outside of seeing each other those times, texting is 100% kid related and phone calls are for emergencies.[/quote]

I tried to have the above kind of relationship.  I'm glad if it works for some people.  But, over time, the same lying, manipulation, aggression and lack of empathy that ended our marriage came out at the times that PP mentions.  Ultimately, trying to keep exDH as a coparent and friend was stressful for me, the kids and the adult bystanders. When the youngest was in middle school, I finally grey-rocked exDH, and left him to sink or swim in his relationship with his kids.

I actively avoid telling him anything other than what is emergency-level info about the kids.  And, now that the kids are over 18, the bar for "emergency level" has gotten higher.

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I guess I am able to compartmentalize. ex can still be the same d*ck as ever and I walk away from that if possible (not always since it usually involves a kid issue). But if he hasn’t been being a d*ck recently it is no skin off my back to have a friendly chat - although I don’t seek it out and it’s not regular or extensive. I’m curious to meet any new girlfriend eventually and also be able to be friendly with her on the same highly superficial level. I guess I just prefer good vibes if possible. But definitely not extended contact. Like even though his mom would invite me I am definitely not going to their Thanksgiving! [/quote]

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