Teacher feedback that my child is very chatty

[Anonymous]

Im sure your dd is a great girl, but I’m a teacher and the chatty kids are a huge distractor—especially for the kids that really do need to focus and can’t afford to be distracted, so because of your kid—other kids get farther behind but your kid is fine. It’s also really hard to get through a lesson when I’m being constantly interrupted. I see that you’ve already done a lot to try and help your dd solve this issue and so have the teachers. Behavior charts for when she talks out of turn or at innapropriate times, or conversely rewards when she stays quiet. Give her jobs in the classroom, errands to run around the school, interesting projects to work on when she’s an early finisher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would not worry about this unless it starts affecting her grades.

You want her to be confident as an adult woman.

Asking a child to be quiet at appropriate times will NOT destroy her confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im sure your dd is a great girl, but I’m a teacher and the chatty kids are a huge distractor—especially for the kids that really do need to focus and can’t afford to be distracted, so because of your kid—other kids get farther behind but your kid is fine. It’s also really hard to get through a lesson when I’m being constantly interrupted. I see that you’ve already done a lot to try and help your dd solve this issue and so have the teachers. Behavior charts for when she talks out of turn or at innapropriate times, or conversely rewards when she stays quiet. Give her jobs in the classroom, errands to run around the school, interesting projects to work on when she’s an early finisher.

Totally agree with this response. I got an N in behavior in fourth grade (for “not acceptable”) and the behavior modification program worked wonders for me. Eight years later I got into Stanford.

[Anonymous]

She needs to read a book quietly when she finishes early so she's not distracting the slower kids from doing their work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im sure your dd is a great girl, but I’m a teacher and the chatty kids are a huge distractor—especially for the kids that really do need to focus and can’t afford to be distracted, so because of your kid—other kids get farther behind but your kid is fine. It’s also really hard to get through a lesson when I’m being constantly interrupted. I see that you’ve already done a lot to try and help your dd solve this issue and so have the teachers. Behavior charts for when she talks out of turn or at innapropriate times, or conversely rewards when she stays quiet. Give her jobs in the classroom, errands to run around the school, interesting projects to work on when she’s an early finisher.

Totally agree this kind of thing is appropriate but what is OP going to practically do to implement this at home. If it is a self control issue, getting on her about it hours later doesn't do much to help..

[Anonymous]

Can you ask the teacher to send home a note or email you on days that your child is distracting other kids? If the teacher is willing to do so, you can set up a reward system. Something like 5 days without an email from the teacher means that you get to choose a special dessert. Maybe 10 in a row is a small toy from Target. giving her a goal to work toward can help set better habits. If the teacher sends an email home or a note home, then DD loses access to a favorite toy for a day, two notes home in a row means they lose access to a toy/show/whatever for a week.

You are not at school so you cannot correct the behavior there. You can make it clear to your child that you agree with the teacher that her chatty behavior is distracting and causing problems for other kids trying to learn. She needs to find a different activity when she finishes her work. She can do the extra work that the teacher has set aside or she can read a book or she can quietly draw.

She needs to know that you are supporting the teacher and want her to not distract other kids.

[Anonymous]

This is for the teacher to deal with. If there are classroom consequences, that may get your DD's attention. Likely being a good student is important to her. It will get her attention. Any reasonably qualified teacher will not be blindsided by this behavior. You should not have to do anything. Except keep your mouth shut if DD complains about in-classroom consequences. Some teachers will appreciate your daughter and not mind her personality better than others. Just like the big wide world. Your daughter learns to adjust in different situations - and gravitate to environments where her strengths are valued.

[Anonymous]

Chatty kids can indeed derail a lesson, but I have to say that when I was a teacher... chatty kids were often some of my favorites! So funny and you could tell that some of them were bound to be leaders. Of course excessive talking in class needs to be dealt with, but I really dislike when teachers treat chattiness as a crime and chatty kids as bad kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since kindergarten, we have gotten feedback that my DD (3rd grade) is chatty in school. I hadn't heard anything from teachers this year about it but have checked in with my DD and she mentioned having some trouble talking to a friend so I suggested she request a seat move, which happened. We had conferences today and everything was pretty positive but again the same issue. The teacher reports that she picks up material and very quickly and seems to be a visual learner, so she will see something and figure it out fast and thus finishes quickly. I get the sense that she then will sometimes choose to use the time non-productively and talk to friends, which is a distraction. The teacher basically said, she is friends with everyone and a leader in the classroom so if she stops doing this, other kids will focus too.

She is a very honest kid and will come home and tell me if she gets talked to about this. We have tried a lot of different things: talking to her about the behavior and using time more productively, taking away privileges at home, policing similar behavior when I personally observe it in other settings (an activity that I lead, sports). I know this is something she is aware of and I do think she tries, but she is extremely social and forgets in the moment. Anyone dealt with this and have ideas about how to deal with this issue? I am going to follow up with the teacher and suggest that we have a list of productive things she can do if she is done with her work (besides talking!). For what it is worth, she is in FCPS full-time AAP in a cluster model in the classroom.

Honestly, school is long and there are no meaningful breaks. I grew up with 50 class time and 5-10 minutes breaks in between subjects, recess and lunch. Had time to chat with friends and then focus on school work during lessons. Nowadays it’s all merged together and nobody is allowed to talk, you need to wait for the end of the day recess or lunch.

[Anonymous]

We approached this with our 3rd grade DS from a perspective of leadership- does he want to be a positive or negative presence in his class/sports team/etc? We made sure he had interesting things to work on (books or math problems) when he finished early in school and followed up with him and his teacher about how he was doing. Still a work in progress, but he definitely understands why it's a negative behavior and is responsive to correction.

[Anonymous]

Send her into the hall to record a "podcast" about school/work.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks for all of the thoughts and feedback. I love the idea of presenting it to her as a perspective of leadership - I think that will resonate with her. I will also work on giving her things to do. I was going to prep a list, send it to the teacher, and then ask her to let her keep it at her desk to refer to when she is done with her work.

I also talked to DD about it more and it seems like some of it is distractions from specific kids who she claims are trying to engage with her also (they are boys she is friends with and I can definitely see it FWIW). I hope the teacher moves her seat so might talk about that with her too.

I feel badly because I have spent a lot of time during her brief elementary school career focusing on behavior when she has never gotten in real trouble and she is a very bright and sweet kid. She seemed really upset and disappointed when I brought this up and says she is trying but has a hard time when other kids want to talk to her.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with leadership. Your child needs to leave other kids alone so they can do their work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would not worry about this unless it starts affecting her grades.

You want her to be confident as an adult woman.

An adult woman knows how to act in different settings. She’s a kid though, not a woman. There’s a thin line between being social and being a pesky annoyance. There’s a lot of time for the daughter to learn what’s appropriate and what’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with leadership. Your child needs to leave other kids alone so they can do their work.

Okay, but what is OP supposed to do about that in the moment when she is not at school?