If my oldest is in second grade should I have parent friends at school by now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think you need parent friends.

I don't really have any friends at my kids school or through her activities. What I do have is pleasant, conversation level acquaintanceships with a lot of people in these settings. I make an effort to learn the names of kids and parents, I am friendly and say hello to people I run into frequently, I make an effort to make interesting, pleasant conversation to help make these interactions enjoyable.

I never get together with any of these people outside of kid events. I already had friends when I became a parent, plus I am so busy with both work and parenting obligations, I don't really need more things to do.

But doing this helps me feel comfortable at school and extra curricular events. I don't have social anxiety about going to a PTA meeting or volunteering to help backstage at DD's ballet recital. It also helps me and my kid feel like we belong in these communities and are really a part of them, and not on the fringes looking in.

I think too many people focus on trying to find a friend they can go stand in the corner with. It's actually easier, and maybe better for everyone in the long run, to just work on your social skills so that you can talk to and interact with a broader range of people, without needing those interactions to lead to friendship.

Yes! This!

I was friendly with people, and knew other parents, could comfortably chit-chat with parents at events, but I already had long-time friends, a full-time job, and busy kids to run around.

Plus I didn't want to get involved in the gossip and drama I saw some of these parents getting wrapped up in.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t really make parent friends until my oldest was in 3rd.

Just keep showing up to things, and don’t be shy about asking someone you like to get coffee. I find that people like to be invited to things, and if they aren’t interested in befriending you, they aren’t insulted or annoyed that you asked them - they’ll just kind of blow you off. And who cares? You’re not looking for a life partner, you’re just looking for someone you casually connect with at this stage in life.

[Anonymous]

How about bus stop neighbor friends or cub scout parent friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think you need parent friends.

I don't really have any friends at my kids school or through her activities. What I do have is pleasant, conversation level acquaintanceships with a lot of people in these settings. I make an effort to learn the names of kids and parents, I am friendly and say hello to people I run into frequently, I make an effort to make interesting, pleasant conversation to help make these interactions enjoyable.

I never get together with any of these people outside of kid events. I already had friends when I became a parent, plus I am so busy with both work and parenting obligations, I don't really need more things to do.

But doing this helps me feel comfortable at school and extra curricular events. I don't have social anxiety about going to a PTA meeting or volunteering to help backstage at DD's ballet recital. It also helps me and my kid feel like we belong in these communities and are really a part of them, and not on the fringes looking in.

I think too many people focus on trying to find a friend they can go stand in the corner with. It's actually easier, and maybe better for everyone in the long run, to just work on your social skills so that you can talk to and interact with a broader range of people, without needing those interactions to lead to friendship.

Yes! This!

I was friendly with people, and knew other parents, could comfortably chit-chat with parents at events, but I already had long-time friends, a full-time job, and busy kids to run around.

Plus I didn't want to get involved in the gossip and drama I saw some of these parents getting wrapped up in.

The bolded is a key point. Mixing your personal friend group with your kids' school has serious risks, because people sometimes are... not great.

My husband and I treat relationships with other parents from school or at activities like work colleagues. I want to have good relationships with my colleagues. I like to get to know them a bit and see them as people, I can enjoy talking to them at work or at work-related social events. But I always maintain a level of professionalism I wouldn't necessarily have in a personal friendship outside of work. There are certain topics I don't discuss with them, I maintain certain boundaries. One thing I avoid aggressively is gossip about other colleagues -- this is toxic and as likely to bite you in the back as to benefit you in any way. Plus I don't want to be the subject of gossip either, so it's consistent.

I have never understood why people go looking for close, personal friends either at work or at your kids' school. I met all my close friends through college, grad school, roommates, and hobbies. It's easier that way.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to make friends through volunteer activities or classroom participation. Mystery reader is great but you there is usually only one parent at a time so that doesn't help make friends.

The friends that we have made come more from play dates and activities outside of school. If my child talks about playing with a classmate I will extend an invitation for a play date, some of those relationships have grown to friendships and others are strictly drop off. We also have developed relationships through neighborhood activities more so than school functions.

[Anonymous]

Extroverted parent of two children at a cooperative preschool here.

We’ve made a handful of what I would call “regular playdate but not deep” parent friends and one set of close friends since becoming parents five years ago.

I’ve been under her school’s PTA, volunteer in the classroom every few weeks, invite parents to coffee, host neighborhood parties once a year.

Even for a non-extravert, I think making parents at this phase of life is hard. We are working in parenting young kids!

My tactic is when I see a parent I like after a few interactions, I invite them to grab a coffee or go on a walk. Maybe you could try that?

[Anonymous]

Pp here: sorry for typos. Dictated most of that response above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, through sports teams. Does your child not do sports?

Op here, I don't think our school has sports for second graders. But no, she is 7 and hasn't done any sports yet.

Even if your school doesn’t have sports, most of the sports will place your child on teams with kids from the same school. That’s how most of them function. So if she has any interest in sports you could try that because on the side of the field is where a lot of parents meet each other and chat. But I agree it is tough at this age because things become drop off but like others have said that’s ok! It’s often not great to base friends off your kids friends because then they shift and it gets weird. Hosting play dates is the other way I’ve gotten to know more parents. I haven’t become close friends with them because I’m not really attempting that for the reasons above but even though the play dates are drop off you end up with parents phone numbers, you start texting about activities, camps, etc. trade off play dates. If you’re looking for those types of connections start hosting some play dates! I didn’t in K and when I started in 1st it really made a difference.

But don’t worry if the friends from elementary school isn’t your thing, maybe target some other areas. My closer friends are more from the neighborhood and they were built by us hosting a lot. They have similar aged kids but the kids aren’t necessarily best friends.