Reply to If my oldest is in second grade should I have parent friends at school by now?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't really think you need parent friends.

I don't really have any friends at my kids school or through her activities. What I do have is pleasant, conversation level acquaintanceships with a lot of people in these settings. I make an effort to learn the names of kids and parents, I am friendly and say hello to people I run into frequently, I make an effort to make interesting, pleasant conversation to help make these interactions enjoyable.

I never get together with any of these people outside of kid events. I already had friends when I became a parent, plus I am so busy with both work and parenting obligations, I don't really need more things to do.

But doing this helps me feel comfortable at school and extra curricular events. I don't have social anxiety about going to a PTA meeting or volunteering to help backstage at DD's ballet recital. It also helps me and my kid feel like we belong in these communities and are really a part of them, and not on the fringes looking in.

I think too many people focus on trying to find a friend they can go stand in the corner with. It's actually easier, and maybe better for everyone in the long run, to just work on your social skills so that you can talk to and interact with a broader range of people, without needing those interactions to lead to friendship.[/quote]

Yes!  This!

I was friendly with people, and knew other parents, could comfortably chit-chat with parents at events, but I already had long-time friends, a full-time job, and busy kids to run around.

[b]Plus I didn't want to get involved in the gossip and drama I saw some of these parents getting wrapped up in.[/b][/quote]

The bolded is a key point. Mixing your personal friend group with your kids' school has serious risks, because people sometimes are... not great.

My husband and I treat relationships with other parents from school or at activities like work colleagues. I want to have good relationships with my colleagues. I like to get to know them a bit and see them as people, I can enjoy talking to them at work or at work-related social events. But I always maintain a level of professionalism I wouldn't necessarily have in a personal friendship outside of work. There are certain topics I don't discuss with them, I maintain certain boundaries. One thing I avoid aggressively is gossip about other colleagues -- this is toxic and as likely to bite you in the back as to benefit you in any way. Plus I don't want to be the subject of gossip either, so it's consistent.

I have never understood why people go looking for close, personal friends either at work or at your kids' school. I met all my close friends through college, grad school, roommates, and hobbies. It's easier that way.[/quote]

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