Family themed costumes. Yay or nay?

[Anonymous]

We did it when my kids were really little. Often the older one would pick the costume/theme and we would pick something the younger would like and then make the family costume around that. It's not "for the gram" - we are not on social media. My kids loved it and still now say "remember when we were a fruit family" etc.

Now they each want to pick their own. I might put on try to align my own costume or just put on cat ears for ToT but I'm not forcing them into a group theme they don't want.

I loved Halloween pre kids and we often did a couples costume as well (and my own costumes younger in my 20s) so I enjoy keeping the fun going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

This is definitely not an imagined phenomenon -- I know multiple families who have done the exact costume set ups described in the PP. I also had two dads tell me on Halloween this year "I just wear what she tells me too, I don't even know what I am." Two!

That doesn't mean every family costume is imposed by a narcissistic mom who is just trying to score Instagram likes. I've seen plenty of family costumes that were clearly driven by kid preferences (where it was the kid's costumes that were the primary focus and parents were just wearing supporting cast costumes) or where it's clearly not about mom looking sexy or whatever. Like when the kids a monkey and moms in a banana costume, no one is thinking this is all about mom.

But yes there are absolutely women who will dictate their family's costumes as an excuse to wear something they think will be particularly flattering for them. Even if it means their kids are in sort of nothing costumes and their husband is wearing something humiliating. I have seen this many times, including this year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

I think this is the expected attitude of a lot of men in heterosexual marriages. Mom puts weeks of effort into figuring out a family costume and sourcing everything, and dad is supposed to just put on his assigned costume. And then it's like a badge of honor, like it's a mark of a good husband and dad to put on his silly costume.

But I actually think this is weird and that it should be okay for dad to choose not to dress up or for any family member to decide they dont' want to do a family costume. I don't think being a good spouse should mean that you are required to wear a costume because Halloween is super important to your spouse but not you.

[Anonymous]

Can be cute when kids are very small. Parents and older children in themed outfits just scream Holderness Family to me.

[Anonymous]

This is part of the Halloween industrial complex and more make-work for moms. I'm very over this holiday at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

I think this is the expected attitude of a lot of men in heterosexual marriages. Mom puts weeks of effort into figuring out a family costume and sourcing everything, and dad is supposed to just put on his assigned costume. And then it's like a badge of honor, like it's a mark of a good husband and dad to put on his silly costume.

But I actually think this is weird and that it should be okay for dad to choose not to dress up or for any family member to decide they dont' want to do a family costume. I don't think being a good spouse should mean that you are required to wear a costume because Halloween is super important to your spouse but not you.

I mean obviously they can decide not to wear a costume.

But agreeing to do something minor bc it's important to your spouse is actually pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Our family did a family theme for 17 years until our oldest was 17. The the 2 youngest continued doing a themed costume until high school. We had fun discussing options at dinner starting in the summer. We would toss out ideas and talk about how they would make it work. Sometimes it was easy other time it was more challenging but those years just made us get creative.

When the youngest was 3 he begged to be his favorite animal, a narwhale. Ok everyone can be a sea creature. Dad opts to be a scuba diver. Then the 5 year old decided he wanted to wear his cowboy costume from the previous year. After much discussion the 10 year old comes up with the idea that the cowboy could ride a sea horse!! Was it silly? Sure! But we worked it out together and had fun doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is part of the Halloween industrial complex and more make-work for moms. I'm very over this holiday at this point.

Same. This holiday is out of control, frankly. It used to be a fun, somewhat silly holiday that was enjoyable in large part because the obligations were pretty low. I truly don't understand what happened here. Social media? Now it's dumb.

My family does not do family themed costumes and this makes us outliers within our community. DH never dresses up (he just doesn't like wearing costumes, it's not his thing). I usually dress up but do something super easy (witch, cat, artist -- something with one or two props we might already have and that allows me to wear black and however many layers I need to be comfortable in whatever random-ass weather we get that night). There have been two years I didn't dress up because it was a tough week and I was just too tired. My kids do NOT care as long as they like their costumes, and have never expressed any concern about my basic costumes or DH's lack of costume.

Meanwhile, other parents seem really worked up about our lack of effort. Every year we get people "suggesting" costumes we should throw together to go with our kid's chosen costumes (note: these suggestions seem to assume a bizarre amount of fabric, face paint, and random props in our tiny row home), or we'll get grilled on it ("but why don't you want to dress up?? my kids looooove it -- I bet yours would too! you guys should do something together next year!") or people are weirdly condescending about it. I'm like... why does it require a comment at all? Who cares? Why put something like this on other parents? I don't understand the weird pressure.

I'm also not on social media at all so maybe I just don't get it for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

I think this is the expected attitude of a lot of men in heterosexual marriages. Mom puts weeks of effort into figuring out a family costume and sourcing everything, and dad is supposed to just put on his assigned costume. And then it's like a badge of honor, like it's a mark of a good husband and dad to put on his silly costume.

But I actually think this is weird and that it should be okay for dad to choose not to dress up or for any family member to decide they dont' want to do a family costume. I don't think being a good spouse should mean that you are required to wear a costume because Halloween is super important to your spouse but not you.

I mean obviously they can decide not to wear a costume.

But agreeing to do something minor bc it's important to your spouse is actually pretty common.

I feel like people would have very different attitudes about this if it was the dad assigning costumes and trying to get his wife to wear something she didn't want to wear. But somehow it's fine the other way around.

If my husband picked out a costume and was like "here wear this", I'd do it if I actually liked it and would feel comfortable in it. But that's it. No way would I wear something embarrassing, uncomfortable, awkward, etc. I love my husband and my kids but I also love myself and I don't feel like I need to sacrifice my own comfort in that way. I also don't think my family would want me to be uncomfortable or embarrassed all night just to make a cute photo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

I think this is the expected attitude of a lot of men in heterosexual marriages. Mom puts weeks of effort into figuring out a family costume and sourcing everything, and dad is supposed to just put on his assigned costume. And then it's like a badge of honor, like it's a mark of a good husband and dad to put on his silly costume.

But I actually think this is weird and that it should be okay for dad to choose not to dress up or for any family member to decide they dont' want to do a family costume. I don't think being a good spouse should mean that you are required to wear a costume because Halloween is super important to your spouse but not you.

I mean obviously they can decide not to wear a costume.

But agreeing to do something minor bc it's important to your spouse is actually pretty common.

I feel like people would have very different attitudes about this if it was the dad assigning costumes and trying to get his wife to wear something she didn't want to wear. But somehow it's fine the other way around.

If my husband picked out a costume and was like "here wear this", I'd do it if I actually liked it and would feel comfortable in it. But that's it. No way would I wear something embarrassing, uncomfortable, awkward, etc. I love my husband and my kids but I also love myself and I don't feel like I need to sacrifice my own comfort in that way. I also don't think my family would want me to be uncomfortable or embarrassed all night just to make a cute photo.

i posted above-- but obviously my husband is part of choosing the costume theme and vetos 95% of my ideas.... no way is he wearing something he doesn't like or having us put our baby/toddler in something he doesn't approve of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times these costumes are clearly orchestrated entirely by the mom, you can tell the dad is wearing what he has been instructed to wear regardless of his feelings or opinions on the matter, and the theme has been chosen in large part to enable mom to wear what she wants.

Examples:

Mom is Cruella Deville, kids are Dalmatian puppies, dad is some character no one remembers the name wearing a distinctive hat.

Mom is Maleficent, kids are sleeping beauty and the prince, dad is in full makeup and carrying an oval picture frame as "the mirror."

Mom is Dorothy, kids are munchkins, dad is either the cowardly lion or the tin man.

Mom is Snow White, kids are dwarves, dad is the prince.

And on and on. I see these every year. Even when they are well executed, all I can think is that the family must get so tired of their lives revolving around mom's instagram plans.

This is funny, because the family I know who does this the best has two dads. They aren't on instagram, they just like Halloween. I think you are imagining dynamics that aren't there.

Honestly, if my spouse went to the trouble of figuring out what the kids wanted to be, and then making or sourcing coordinating costumes, I'd be happy to wear whatever spouse wanted.

I think this is the expected attitude of a lot of men in heterosexual marriages. Mom puts weeks of effort into figuring out a family costume and sourcing everything, and dad is supposed to just put on his assigned costume. And then it's like a badge of honor, like it's a mark of a good husband and dad to put on his silly costume.

But I actually think this is weird and that it should be okay for dad to choose not to dress up or for any family member to decide they dont' want to do a family costume. I don't think being a good spouse should mean that you are required to wear a costume because Halloween is super important to your spouse but not you.

I mean obviously they can decide not to wear a costume.

But agreeing to do something minor bc it's important to your spouse is actually pretty common.

I feel like people would have very different attitudes about this if it was the dad assigning costumes and trying to get his wife to wear something she didn't want to wear. But somehow it's fine the other way around.

If my husband picked out a costume and was like "here wear this", I'd do it if I actually liked it and would feel comfortable in it. But that's it. No way would I wear something embarrassing, uncomfortable, awkward, etc. I love my husband and my kids but I also love myself and I don't feel like I need to sacrifice my own comfort in that way. I also don't think my family would want me to be uncomfortable or embarrassed all night just to make a cute photo.

i posted above-- but obviously my husband is part of choosing the costume theme and vetos 95% of my ideas.... no way is he wearing something he doesn't like or having us put our baby/toddler in something he doesn't approve of.

Right, which makes sense. But we were talking specifically about situations where the mom just orders DH to wear what she came up with, even if it's ill-fitting, unflattering, or embarrassing. And the PP's argument was that if the mom put the effort into figuring out a family themed costume (apparently a very important task that MUST be done), then the dad has an obligation to where it no matter what it is.

And I maintain that if you reversed the genders on that argument, people would be (rightfully) incensed about one spouse forcing the other to wear something they aren't comfortable in in service to a family costume theme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family did a family theme for 17 years until our oldest was 17. The the 2 youngest continued doing a themed costume until high school. We had fun discussing options at dinner starting in the summer. We would toss out ideas and talk about how they would make it work. Sometimes it was easy other time it was more challenging but those years just made us get creative.

When the youngest was 3 he begged to be his favorite animal, a narwhale. Ok everyone can be a sea creature. Dad opts to be a scuba diver. Then the 5 year old decided he wanted to wear his cowboy costume from the previous year. After much discussion the 10 year old comes up with the idea that the cowboy could ride a sea horse!! Was it silly? Sure! But we worked it out together and had fun doing it.

That makes me smile, especially the cowboy with the sea horse. What a great way to learn compromise and teamwork.

[Anonymous]

I hate it. It’s even more plastic waste for the landfill. We’ve never done it, and yes, I spend all of Halloween fretting about plastic wrappers on the candy, plastic Halloween costumes and plastic Halloween lawn decor. There is no solution.