Dealing with GF who has avoidant personality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with everyone else but add demote to FWB while lining up a new GF.

PP, this is hard to do when the relationship is toxic. There are feelings and resentment involved and not worth to move to a FWB level.

That’s a fair observation.

[Anonymous]

Is this she?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1297063.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this she?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1297063.page

Hmmm was thinking it was the guy posting about his rage filled Latina GF w two kids who won’t loose weight and has lots of debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GF start talking about "we are done" or break-up when we argue about something. Most of the issues come when I put my boundaries if she is extremely critical and micromanages me or how I am doing things. I am 44 and she is 43 and her kids are in college and mine are 14 and 12. She interferes in my parenting and get upset when I tell her to not worry about certain things that kids mom and I are deciding on. She is also a helicopter parent to her 25 and 21 year old daughters and track their location and try to go and help them for every little thing, emotionally or not. We took therapy for a while and things were better but haven't done it for a couple of months because our therapist was out sick. She criticizes but can't take the criticism if I tell her to not do it or she is hurting my feelings.

This doesn’t get better in my experience. You have to decide whether the positive qualities of the relationship outweigh these negatives.

[Anonymous]

Would continuing couples and individual therapy helps? Not till both of them take accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GF start talking about "we are done" or break-up when we argue about something. Most of the issues come when I put my boundaries if she is extremely critical and micromanages me or how I am doing things. I am 44 and she is 43 and her kids are in college and mine are 14 and 12. She interferes in my parenting and get upset when I tell her to not worry about certain things that kids mom and I are deciding on. She is also a helicopter parent to her 25 and 21 year old daughters and track their location and try to go and help them for every little thing, emotionally or not. We took therapy for a while and things were better but haven't done it for a couple of months because our therapist was out sick. She criticizes but can't take the criticism if I tell her to not do it or she is hurting my feelings.

Troll post

Luv the bait with the phony ages too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes, I am thinking about the same thing but wanted others perspective in case I am missing something. she is not living with me. Was during last year but then living separetly due to for her work. She has a few medical issues such as type 2, PCOS, Hashimoto and ADHD. She is on all these meds except ADHD and an anti-depressant. I am also trying to see if this is due to medical reasons of her hormones at this age because she was very sweet and kind at the starting and we are together for about 3 years.

Definitely

[Anonymous]

This doesn't sound in the best interest of your kids.

It's very kind of you to consider her homomonal state, and it may be part of it, so if you love her you might consider al ultimatum: I need you to stay out of my parenting if this is going to work. Period. No exceptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't sound in the best interest of your kids.

It's very kind of you to consider her homomonal state, and it may be part of it, so if you love her you might consider al ultimatum: I need you to stay out of my parenting if this is going to work. Period. No exceptions.

But what about her behavior towards OP. He can't be the punching bag on this if she is going through some medical issues.

[Anonymous]

This one is actually quite easy to resolve…..

You ➕ your girlfriend are very obviously not a suitable match.

At all.
You both need to call it off today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This one is actually quite easy to resolve…..

You ➕ your girlfriend are very obviously not a suitable match.

At all.
You both need to call it off today.

I agree with the PP. Your gf has a lot of growing up and maturing to do and if she can't take the accountability then whatever you do is go to be futile. For me, biggest red flag is her interfering in your parenting and kids' lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with everyone else but add demote to FWB while lining up a new GF.

PP, this is hard to do when the relationship is toxic. There are feelings and resentment involved and not worth to move to a FWB level.

+1, this will result in her re-investing in the relationship and feeling betrayed when OP moves on to new GF. And she won't be entirely wrong, even though it will also be do to her own difficulties with boundaries.

Clean break is best. Especially with kids involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with everyone else but add demote to FWB while lining up a new GF.

PP, this is hard to do when the relationship is toxic. There are feelings and resentment involved and not worth to move to a FWB level.

+1, this will result in her re-investing in the relationship and feeling betrayed when OP moves on to new GF. And she won't be entirely wrong, even though it will also be do to her own difficulties with boundaries.

Clean break is best. Especially with kids involved.

I would say it would be difficult for OP to keep her as a FWB. It gets very difficult to demote the status when you are so heavily vested and the other partner knows everything about you.