Teen having complete meltdown - how to handle

[Anonymous]

Is he getting enough sleep? It’s easy for me to stay up too late and I’m an adult. I’d take a look at his phone/video game/other device usage at night. Also at this point he’s overwhelmed and can’t think logically. Can you help him make a list of priorities to work through? If possible, dropping something from his schedule (either a class or activity) might be good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to ask the school for accommodations for his mental health crisis. You can get extensions and extra time. He will feel a lot better and this is a chance for you to show him the proper way of handling a difficult situation.

Call the school now. Then sit with him and have him do as much work as he can tolerate, with breaks. Try the Pomodoro method.

This is procrastination and apathy. This is not a “mental health crisis”

[Anonymous]

It could be adhd. That can produce an inability to start work. Looks a lot like procrastination. You aren’t going to get a script for Adderall over night- but I’d call and get him an eval. It’s possible his pediatrician can diagnose and write and script but they usually won’t. Call.

In the meantime, no phone, no games- he needs to get to work where you can see him

[Anonymous]

He’s feeling overwhelmed. Whether this is due to anxiety, depression, ADHD or just old fashioned procrastination, he’s not up to tackling this on his own. He won’t master the necessary skills to be 100% functional in the next week. Although he needs to learn and grow from this experience, his immediate need is to get academics under control.

I would explain that we’ve tried it his way (me giving him space and not intervening) and it sounds like he’s now in over his head, so for the last week of the quarter, we will be sitting down together at the kitchen table to study. I’m happy to help him look things up, highlight text, make flash cards, ask questions from a study guide, make a vocab list, make up mnemonic devices or just sit there as a calming presence so he’s not alone. When he’s too tired to read something, I’ll read it aloud. I will provide snacks and moral support. I will stay up late with him.

The important thing is to stress that he still has a chance to improve his performance and should not give up. Resilience is a crucial life skill — far more important than grades. He doesn’t have to have A’s, but he does need to learn how to push through adversity. That’s your goal for the next week: resilience, determination, grit. He doesn’t need to keep trying because of how this will affect college admissions; he needs to keep trying because life is full of demands and challenges and deadlines and boring, monotonous work and we can’t just give up.

[Anonymous]

OP who prescribed the Wellbutrin and why was there no follow up when your kid didn’t tolerate it?

Yes, this is a mental health crisis and it sounds like it’s not totally out of the blue. Go back to the doctor, do a depression / anxiety screener, and go from there. I know the college and academic stuff FEELS like the most urgent. But ti

[Anonymous]

Feels like the most urgent thing. But your kid needs help now and that’s where your focus should be.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he needs a sport or hobby to blow off some stress, or a girlfriend. Or all of the above really.

[Anonymous]

Teens need to get off social media. Many teens and even adults can’t handle the pressures and stress that come from it. Get rid of Insta and Ticktok and snap.

[Anonymous]

“ It's hard to sit by and watch the train wreck”

This type of irrational drama is CAUSING THE STRESS! Even if you don’t tell your child this directly, they sence your white knuckle college anxiety. Getting a C in a class is NOT A TRAIN WRECK. Maybe they will go to a regional college vs. UVA but that is probably where they should be any way and will be aok.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all, this is OP. Going to practice seemed to be the reset he needed tonight but as I mentioned, this is not the first time this has happened and I'm sure we will be right back here soon.

To answer a few questions, he does play a sport and he has a girlfriend, but he also spends plenty of time on his phone. Regarding the Welbutrin I think the doctor chose that one since it can help with some ADHD like issues as well as mood. I dropped the ball on follow up since he wasn't taking it...the past couple of days have let me know that I definitely need to pick that back up.

And to the PP who mentioned sitting with him, thats exactly what we are doing, thank you. I can handle doing that. What I can't handle is him refusing to do anything. I will feel a lot better if we can just get through the week!

[Anonymous]

Is there something about this age that makes them more prone to this behavior? Anything in particular to do to squash it?

[Anonymous]

Your pediatrician should be your first call tomorrow. Make an appointment for him to speak to his doctor. They can start him on an antidepressant. You should also call his school and speak to the mental health specialist that almost all high schools have on staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your pediatrician should be your first call tomorrow. Make an appointment for him to speak to his doctor. They can start him on an antidepressant. You should also call his school and speak to the mental health specialist that almost all high schools have on staff.

But also be aware, lots of kids get themselves in a jam with missing work and at the end of the quarter they panic. I get to OP it is a big deal but we see this all the time at school. They’re not going to necessarily create a crisis plan for your average junior who is staring down bad Q1 grades even after teachers have given him extensions. Just being real- this is incredibly common and parents always want to call at this time and tell us how stressed the kid is. Well, yeah- facing a mountain of missing work and bad grades as a result is stressful, of course they’re stressed.

[Anonymous]

Bad grades will boot him out of his sport. Does he care about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pediatrician should be your first call tomorrow. Make an appointment for him to speak to his doctor. They can start him on an antidepressant. You should also call his school and speak to the mental health specialist that almost all high schools have on staff.

But also be aware, lots of kids get themselves in a jam with missing work and at the end of the quarter they panic. I get to OP it is a big deal but we see this all the time at school. They’re not going to necessarily create a crisis plan for your average junior who is staring down bad Q1 grades even after teachers have given him extensions. Just being real- this is incredibly common and parents always want to call at this time and tell us how stressed the kid is. Well, yeah- facing a mountain of missing work and bad grades as a result is stressful, of course they’re stressed.

It’s not mate assignments. He does all of his schoolwork on time but he was sick for a full week and missed a bunch of tests and as soon as he was back trying to make those up there were new tests. It’s the studying that’s the problem. It is a lot, too much imo but they do allow the kids to space them out so with effort, it’s manageable. There is a huge overwhelm and procrastination component too though.