Teen having complete meltdown - how to handle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so unsure how to help my teen. He is 16 and overwhelmed with school work but also just not doing what he needs to do to keep up. He opened up to me last night and said the stress was a lot more than school, nothing too awful but nothing that can be immediately "fixed" either. He is a junior and literally has a week left in the quarter. His grades are awful and they have never been awful but there is time to salvage them if he can study for the next fe days of tests. [/b]He has college goals that he will literally throw away with 1st quarter grades he can't recover from. [b]

Instead of working, he is choosing to writhe around on the couch like a child and do nothing. I am worried, sad for him, and also angry. There is not any time to not study but if this is a true mental health crisis there is not time to wait there either. He refuses therapy and instead insists that odd off label things he finds online will make him feel better. (things like anti depressants, but that are not fda approved). I am trying not to loose my shit bc there is sports practice soon which will help him if I can make him go and 2 tests tomorrow that can't be missed, and he is now asleep. (today was a 1/2 day so home early.) I do not know how to help.

This is a problem. Read what you wrote and ask yourself if that has any bearing on his mental state.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am positive that it is. I just don’t know how to help him get past the stress. I know he will regret letting things slip now but the pressure not to is too much. I am all in to sit with him and help where I can but when he prefers to whine, sleep and do nothing I am suck on how to help.

[Anonymous]

*pressure is too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pediatrician should be your first call tomorrow. Make an appointment for him to speak to his doctor. They can start him on an antidepressant. You should also call his school and speak to the mental health specialist that almost all high schools have on staff.

But also be aware, lots of kids get themselves in a jam with missing work and at the end of the quarter they panic. I get to OP it is a big deal but we see this all the time at school. They’re not going to necessarily create a crisis plan for your average junior who is staring down bad Q1 grades even after teachers have given him extensions. Just being real- this is incredibly common and parents always want to call at this time and tell us how stressed the kid is. Well, yeah- facing a mountain of missing work and bad grades as a result is stressful, of course they’re stressed.

It’s not mate assignments. He does all of his schoolwork on time but he was sick for a full week and missed a bunch of tests and as soon as he was back trying to make those up there were new tests. It’s the studying that’s the problem. It is a lot, too much imo but they do allow the kids to space them out so with effort, it’s manageable. There is a huge overwhelm and procrastination component too though.

He needs help with executive functioning for sure. A basic planner to start would help to track his assignments. I’m just making you aware this is not going to hit the radar of counseling as “mental health crisis.” It’s going to be viewed as “overwhelmed kid is panicking about grades” which is normal for this time of year.

[Anonymous]

You are the problem, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would take away his phone, not as punishment, but to help keep his mind on track and away from searching up random supplements. It may help him sleep better as well, which he probably needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the problem, OP.

+ 1 and dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the problem, OP.

+ 1 and dad

You’ll are sh*theads. L I’m sorry your life is so petty that act this way.

OP has enumerated multiple things she has tried and is trying. This isn’t easy and it’s hard to know what’s at play exactly. Hang in there OP. The most important thing is that he knows you are in his corner and he can come to you with anything that’s going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so unsure how to help my teen. He is 16 and overwhelmed with school work but also just not doing what he needs to do to keep up. He opened up to me last night and said the stress was a lot more than school, nothing too awful but nothing that can be immediately "fixed" either. He is a junior and literally has a week left in the quarter. His grades are awful and they have never been awful but there is time to salvage them if he can study for the next fe days of tests. He has college goals that he will literally throw away with 1st quarter grades he can't recover from.

Instead of working, he is choosing to writhe around on the couch like a child and do nothing. I am worried, sad for him, and also angry. There is not any time to not study but if this is a true mental health crisis there is not time to wait there either. He refuses therapy and instead insists that odd off label things he finds online will make him feel better. (things like anti depressants, but that are not fda approved). I am trying not to loose my shit bc there is sports practice soon which will help him if I can make him go and 2 tests tomorrow that can't be missed, and he is now asleep. (today was a 1/2 day so home early.) I do not know how to help.

I have actually studied with my kid in that situation - pull out the books/canvas/whatever resources and done it all with them. That is sometimes the stumbling block. One thing at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pediatrician should be your first call tomorrow. Make an appointment for him to speak to his doctor. They can start him on an antidepressant. You should also call his school and speak to the mental health specialist that almost all high schools have on staff.

But also be aware, lots of kids get themselves in a jam with missing work and at the end of the quarter they panic. I get to OP it is a big deal but we see this all the time at school. They’re not going to necessarily create a crisis plan for your average junior who is staring down bad Q1 grades even after teachers have given him extensions. Just being real- this is incredibly common and parents always want to call at this time and tell us how stressed the kid is. Well, yeah- facing a mountain of missing work and bad grades as a result is stressful, of course they’re stressed.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Keep him home for a day to study! Preferably test day. (Call him out with a stomach bug) They always let them make up tests!

This will help get him back on track. Then get him to make a daily schedule for everything. Crossing things off is so satisfying.

Get him a medical appt. Start with the pediatrician and go from there.

Definitely involve the school counselor.

[Anonymous]

You have to let the worry of his future regret go.

There is time to pause and deal with the crises. Then trust that the insight he gains will inform future decisions and he will happier and mentally healthier in the long run.