"One and done" parents please come in! I have a few questions...

[Anonymous]

I love all the stories from people who didn’t have another one because the first was so darn easy!

I was lying to other mothers all the time when our only was little… it just seemed rude to say to an exhausted new mom “he’s a great sleeper, happy baby, all chill over here”.

[Anonymous]

We wanted one, we have one. Blissfully happy and have never second guessed our decision.

[Anonymous]

Labor and delivery was so physically draining and unexpectedly emotionally traumatic that I didn't think I could do it again, even though I wanted either zero or 2 kids. I always wanted a daughter, but the son I have has always been easy and... if I can brag for a second... he is so great!

[Anonymous]

We had one, planned. We had always been up in the air about if we wanted 1 or 2. We both have 1 siblings but not particularly close to them. When DS was about 5 months old we got presented with an amazing opportunity to move abroad for a year that allowed us to travel a ton from there and we realized how much easier life would be with just 1. He's 13 now and no regrets. The life we've been able to give him and the life we've been able to have as a family but also as a married couple and as individuals is not something we could have done with more than 1.

[Anonymous]

We had planned on two, but stopped at one for many reasons. She has some special needs that, while mild, take a lot of attention. Some of her needs are medical (multiple anaphylactic food allergies, asthma, eczema) and some are behavioral (mild ADHD and anxiety). Due to these special needs, she did not sleep through the night until age 4. I did get pregnant at one point, but miscarried in a bloody mess that landed me in the ER for a D&C. I am the youngest of a youngest and had no family support. My spouse was very content with one. I didn't feel strongly enough to have another by that point. My hips went out when I was pregnant with her and I was afraid it would be even worse with another. I was advanced maternal age by the time we had her needs under control. I didn't want to put a second child in daycare after staying home with her for three years, but financially I needed to go back to work. Environmental concerns were a factor. But, in the end, it just was the right decision for us!

[Anonymous]

Wanted 2. Had 1. Medical reasons preclude a 2nd.

[Anonymous]

I’m the oldest in a very large family and always promised myself I wouldn’t have a second if it would keep me from giving my first everything they deserved financially and emotionally.

First was very wanted. Four rounds of IVF wanted. Briefly wanted a second around first child’s first birthday. But it was peak of the pandemic and overwhelmed. Then we moved abroad.

By the time life settled, I was 45 and wasn’t willing to take the health risk. But also I LOVE having an only.

She’s in a great private school we can afford because it’s just her, lots of activities, she has visited over a dozen countries, and has all of the parent love and attention she deserves. We have a really nice life as a family and I’m glad it worked out as it did.

[Anonymous]

Mine was unplanned. I wasn’t married and while I wanted another child, I just never had the money. He is 20 now and in college. I’m glad I stuck to one. After a few years, I got over wanting another and I am very happy I just had one.

[Anonymous]

We absolutely knew we wanted a child. We were ambivalent about a second for various reasons (including that first was not an easy baby) — knew we’d probably need IVF for another so we “tried” for a few months but decided we were comfortable with one.

Basically we weren’t ready for another until the first became less work and at that point we weren’t excited to go back to baby stage (and it would have been a decent age gap).

[Anonymous]

Planned on 1 and had 1. I was only so I can help her navigate it. Husband has a brother who he isn't at all close to so he knows not all siblings end up super close as adults. We love our awesome little person and the time that we get to spend with her. Financially, it also means we can do things for her that we might not be able to do if she had siblings. (Looking at you riding lessons).

[Anonymous]

We planned our only. We went into it thinking we'd have one or two. We were happy with one and while there was a brief period of baby fever for a second, ultimately we decided we'd rather be the best parents we could be to our only than potentially overextend ourselves with two.

Factors that played into our decision:
- Challenges from our own childhoods. My parents had more kids than they could really handle, and I was not well parented. I had to do a lot of work on myself as an adult to address deficiencies. I wanted to do better by my own child, and knowing both how extra kids adds extra stress, and also what it means when kids are neglected, made me cautious.

- Related, we had no support from extended family. On the contrary, we are the primary caregivers for my MIL and we each have a sibling who is not fully independent and needs a lot of help. Again, this just made us ultra-aware of not overextending ourselves because we don't have people who can come help us in a pinch, and we have several people for whom we ARE the people who help when help is needed.

- We really value both travel and education and want to be able to afford both for our kid. This wasn't the central factor and if we'd really wanted more kids and thought it was otherwise a good idea, I don't think we would have held of for these reasons. But it is a source of pride and relief to me that we don't have to stress a lot about affording college for our kid, and that we can take interesting family trips together without family size being a limiting factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Labor and delivery was so physically draining and unexpectedly emotionally traumatic that I didn't think I could do it again, even though I wanted either zero or 2 kids. I always wanted a daughter, but the son I have has always been easy and... if I can brag for a second... he is so great!

I answered above but I frankly forgot that this was a factor for us. I had a tough pregnancy and then very bad PPD that lasted much longer than I expected (I didn't really feel right for over a year). My own mom had mental health issues when I was a kid and it was traumatizing for me because she was also overwhelmed and not in treatment. I know I would have handled it better, but I really didn't want to subject my existing child to a potentially chaotic home due to physical or mental health issues. I wanted to just take care of her and give her what she needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I am PP from 14:52, and agree with what PP 14:55 says about social norms. Honestly having not intended to be a parent until I started trying to get pregnant, I didn't realize how present those norms were. I honestly think there may be people out there who decline to have ONE child because they can't envision having two.

This is so interesting! I feel that way about dogs (don’t have one because I think it should have a buddy but I don’t think I could deal with two) but not about kids. Maybe because I am also an only myself

[Anonymous]

Originally, we didn't want any but we both changed our minds after being married for six years. Then, the plan was to just have one and we stuck with that. I found parenting to be harder than I imagined and couldn't even fathom having another. No regrets about our decision to have an only. Our son graduated college in June.

[Anonymous]

I have an only child on purpose. She was planned, but for a long time I didn't want kids at all so one was kind of a compromise. I love being her mom and I think having just one allows me to be a better mom than if I had more.