"One and done" parents please come in! I have a few questions...

[Anonymous]

Hi all! I have a few questions for parents who have decided on just one child and that they were done at that point. I wonder if the first child was planned or an accident and then you didn't want anymore children after that. Or you planned all along for just one. Not looking for any infertility stories just a firm decision to just have one child. I guess I just want to hear your stories. Thank you in advance!

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child and loved being an only as both a kid and now as an adult. Super close relationship with parents, no sibling drama.

Decided before trying for pregnancy that we only wanted to have 1. Felt the same way after.

Our only is now 10 and we're very happy with that decision.

[Anonymous]

We have an only. She was planned. We knew we wanted a small family - one or two kids but always said we would see how one goes before we made a decision about a second. A lot of discussion went into our decision to be one and done but really it boils down to the fact that we were very happy as a family of 3 and didn't feel like anything/anyone was missing. Still happy with our decision now that she is a teen.

[Anonymous]

We adopted DD as an infant. She’s now 13.
2 main reasons: one being financial, the cost of adoption plus the cost of childcare, activities etc.
the other reason is just the stress of extra kids. The bickering, negotiating, someone always feeling slighted, I wanted to avoid that.
We have lots of friends with kids so DD has a very full and active social life despite being an only.

[Anonymous]

I wanted two, and ended up with one.

There were many reasons for this, but two of the main ones were that we were going through an extremely stressful period in life, and I didn't want to have a high-risk pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Our one child, now age 6, was very much planned and not an accident. We decided to start with one and see how it went. My DH, who adores our child and is a very active and involved parent, realized pretty quickly he wanted to stop at one. I took a little longer to get there, but at this point I would be devastated if I were to get pregnant again. Life is pretty damn good right now.

[Anonymous]

Our son was a surprise. We never talked about whether we wanted to have kids or not, but were more like, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, oh well. I would have been a happy person, either way.

Sometimes I feel a pang when I see siblings, but decided not to have another for several reasons:
-Never felt compelled to bring another personality into the world. I'd only have another for our son to have a companion, but that didn't feel like a good enough reason.
-Our son came out perfect. Everything was easy with him--the pregnancy, birth, sleep. There's no way I'd get lucky like that again. I was worried with the second child we'd encounter a lot more hurdles/potential regrets.
-I want to retire early. If we had another I'd feel more pressure to keep working. For now, it's nice to know I can stop working and spend time with the child I do have when he's younger.
-We do not have family help close by. No joke, literally every family I know who has multiple kids is not doing it on their own. They all have grandparents close by to help.

[Anonymous]

Ours is financial and time related.
With daycare at $3500 a month and both parents working 40 hour a week jobs (not to mention college, etc), for us it doesn’t make sense to have more than 1.
We instead pour all of our energy into our 1.
I don’t think we would magically have double the time, money, energy if we had a second.
My kid currently plays 2 sports (one of which her dad helps coach), I’m very active in her Girl Scout troop, and we pay for piano lessons.
If we had a baby, I’m guessing we would have to pull way back.

[Anonymous]

We always planned on one (for environmental reasons) but in the back of my mind I wondered if I would want another after I had my first child.

I love my kid to death but have no desire whatsoever for another, so that worked out well.

[Anonymous]

I also assumed we would have more than 1. But our one was extremely difficult from day zero, and came with multiple health complications and ultimately we decided to count our blessing and not roll the dice on more.

He is 10 and I love our little family. I do not have any regrets or what ifs lingering.

[Anonymous]

I also wanted two kids, but we have one. My husband is older than me and was reluctant to have kids, so one was a compromise. We did talk about having a second, but life looked harder and more expensive for those with 2, so we just didn't have another.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both had difficult childhoods and were not sure we'd be great parents. We had a change of heart after DH's dad died and had our son shortly after our 10th anniversary. I had an extremely difficult pregnancy albeit with a full-term, easy delivery and healthy baby. My son is the joy of my life and we both love being parents to an only. It allows us to nurture in a way that we were never nurtured as kids. That said, my physical health has also never been the same since pregnancy and I can only assume a subsequent pregnancy would have made things worse. So, I can't say if we'd feel differently if any of these factors were not the case, but given where we are we are very happily one and done.

[Anonymous]

My husband wanted one and I was sort of impartial about it until we had our son. I quickly realized I had no desire to have another child. He was an incredibly easy baby and still is, 13 years later. Almost felt like tempting fate to do it again. Really grateful we trusted our gut and didn't have another because of what people say about 'needing a sibling', social norms, etc.

[Anonymous]

Came from a big family and I always wanted just one. As it turned out, pregnancy and caring for a single newborn/toddler were pretty much my limit, especially for sleep, and especially with a partner who was not very helpful or supportive.

I do feel some pangs when DS says he wishes he had a brother. If I could be guaranteed that they would have a good relationship I would have done it despite the difficulties, but my DS is a tricky kid and I strongly believe there would have been major sibling issues that would have made things very, very difficult for me to handle.

[Anonymous]

Also, I am PP from 14:52, and agree with what PP 14:55 says about social norms. Honestly having not intended to be a parent until I started trying to get pregnant, I didn't realize how present those norms were. I honestly think there may be people out there who decline to have ONE child because they can't envision having two.