How do you process and let go of anger toward a family member?

[Anonymous]

You have been set free from people pleasing a few individuals who never really cared about pleasing you. You know the truth now. Find a way to see the positives. You have more time & energy to focus on people who value you for you.

[Anonymous]

I have forgiven the wrongs done to me and my family but have also put up boundaries against the people who harmed us as they are unrepentant.

Forgiveness is for your health.

And forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

[Anonymous]

I went through this. I couldn’t even sleep. I wrote everything down. I went over every aspect of the issue as I wrote it all down. Cried a lot. And then once I’d written it all down, I said now I will be able to go back if I need to remember something. Crazy thing was that once I’d written it all I was able to move past it. I’ve never opened that document again.

I’ve journaled about other things too but it was more helpful than a therapist had been for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this. For me it cannot be about compassion or empathy. I was someone who for decades could be easily manipulated because of my sense of empathy.

I had to practice radical acceptance. I hate this. This is awful. How could they> How could I allow this for so long! So unfraid....but I cannot change it. There will be no apologies ever. This is who they have always been and I must accept it no matter how much I wish it were different.

The indignation comes back to me in waves no and then when I am stressed out in general, but I let the waves do their thing and pass. I take care of myself. I remind myself acceptance is the only path. Then I hold a magnifying glass to all the good in my life, and I am one of those people who finds a gratitude journal helpful.

This is such a good description. And yes -- radical acceptance over trying to feel compassion or empathy for the wrongdoer. It's so much more productive. I felt empathy for them for years, which enabled them to continue to harm me and others. I had to drop my empathy in order to finally see them for who they are.

Agree

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt (compassion!) too long and too much. Now once it’s a clear pattern it gets addressed. Or they get written off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through this. I couldn’t even sleep. I wrote everything down. I went over every aspect of the issue as I wrote it all down. Cried a lot. And then once I’d written it all down, I said now I will be able to go back if I need to remember something. Crazy thing was that once I’d written it all I was able to move past it. I’ve never opened that document again.

I’ve journaled about other things too but it was more helpful than a therapist had been for this.

This is how my mom handled similar issues. I did something very similar—I wrote letters to two people, but never mailed them. In both cases it helped me let go and feel at peace.

[Anonymous]

Cut ties and forget about them. Out of sight out of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm struggling with anger toward a sibling and another family member who did something so evil -- a true betrayal to my deceased parent, and by extension our family. I really don't like my anger, but I feel so betrayed after years of being kind and helping both people. I'm entering this unchartered era of standing up for myself and now the result is the clarity these two never really liked me. It was all about what I could do for them. It feels good to not have to deal with them on one hand, but on the other I am just so angry. It's been a tough year. I'd like to make peace with it for my own sake. Thoughts? Help!

EMDR

[Anonymous]

What did they do that was so damned terrible?

I cut off a sibling who molested a minor. Was it that bad?

[Anonymous]

I’ve lost both parents, and in a sense was mourning my sibling, with who I’d once been super close but who as an adult had become strange, erratic, a hoarder and completely irresponsible, angry, narcissistic and delusional. He now has “woken up” from his mental illness and now a serious diagnosis, which explains all this, but is suddenly suicidal. I am his only family besides cousins and aunts and uncles who have their own lives. I have been telling him for years to get help, and now he has and I was right, but I feel no vindication. Instead I’m saving money for him since he’s spent all of his… it can feel all consuming. I feel very guilty that this was his fate, but I have my own kids and husband to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Op you wrote that the horrible thing they did was “betraying” a dead parent. I am struggling to understand what that was. If the parent is dead, how can they really betray them or hurt them? Maybe they finally felt free of someone and now need to live their life.

I think you need to check if you are a drama llama.