Ugh, 5th grade DS just absolutely awful at school

[Anonymous]

I think an 80 is pretty good. thats like a B, right?

And 70s decent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you're in denial about his ADHD, right?

No, no, no. Your wrong.

This isn’t ADHD. He clearly has ADD.

[Anonymous]

IDK; this sounds more like anxiety to me.

[Anonymous]

If he's getting 70s or 80s on tests, then he is natively bright. He's in fifth grade, not 12th grade. The stakes are very low. The worst thing you can do as his parent is to make education not fun, because it's a long road ahead. Take him to the store to buy a folder of his choice. It's for his take-home work. Give him a specific place to put it. Then give him a goal to work for. If you remember your take-home work and put it in your folder this week, then you will get a reward. One he really wants, make it a motivator. Food. Sweets. An activity or toy. Even grown people need a motivator, OP. Yelling isn't a motivator, it's a demotivator. Be your kid's biggest fan behind the scenes. Don't talk smack about your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's getting 70s or 80s on tests, then he is natively bright. He's in fifth grade, not 12th grade. The stakes are very low. The worst thing you can do as his parent is to make education not fun, because it's a long road ahead. Take him to the store to buy a folder of his choice. It's for his take-home work. Give him a specific place to put it. Then give him a goal to work for. If you remember your take-home work and put it in your folder this week, then you will get a reward. One he really wants, make it a motivator. Food. Sweets. An activity or toy. Even grown people need a motivator, OP. Yelling isn't a motivator, it's a demotivator. Be your kid's biggest fan behind the scenes. Don't talk smack about your kid.

If he has ADHD, this will only discourage him and be yet another way that he's failed. He's not forgetting his work because he's insufficiently motivated; he's forgetting because he doesn't yet have the skills to remind himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IDK; this sounds more like anxiety to me.

What? This doesn’t sound like anxiety at all. It could be ADD, but I’m pretty convinced you could get 90% of 10 year old boys diagnosed with ADD/ADHD if you really tried.

This sounds like a nice, bright, well rounded kid just having brain farts when it comes to organizational skills. It wasn’t long ago when it was commonplace for grown, highly successful men to have full time secretaries to help organize and run their daily lives. CEOs still rely on executive assistants to run their daily lives. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, or that it should continue, but we need to realize that boys and men just struggle with this. And it doesn’t mean they’re not smart or capable.

I don’t want to be provocative, but school in the 2020s is about sitting quietly and regurgitating in the format and style that the teacher wants. That’s not going to work for a lot of boys. I’m not defending that, but it’s the reality. I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing, but fewer and fewer boys are going to graduate high school and go to college unless something changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IDK; this sounds more like anxiety to me.

What? This doesn’t sound like anxiety at all. It could be ADD, but I’m pretty convinced you could get 90% of 10 year old boys diagnosed with ADD/ADHD if you really tried.

This sounds like a nice, bright, well rounded kid just having brain farts when it comes to organizational skills. It wasn’t long ago when it was commonplace for grown, highly successful men to have full time secretaries to help organize and run their daily lives. CEOs still rely on executive assistants to run their daily lives. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, or that it should continue, but we need to realize that boys and men just struggle with this. And it doesn’t mean they’re not smart or capable.

I don’t want to be provocative, but school in the 2020s is about sitting quietly and regurgitating in the format and style that the teacher wants. That’s not going to work for a lot of boys. I’m not defending that, but it’s the reality. I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing, but fewer and fewer boys are going to graduate high school and go to college unless something changes.

Are you saying school was not like this 100 years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IDK; this sounds more like anxiety to me.

What? This doesn’t sound like anxiety at all. It could be ADD, but I’m pretty convinced you could get 90% of 10 year old boys diagnosed with ADD/ADHD if you really tried.

This sounds like a nice, bright, well rounded kid just having brain farts when it comes to organizational skills. It wasn’t long ago when it was commonplace for grown, highly successful men to have full time secretaries to help organize and run their daily lives. CEOs still rely on executive assistants to run their daily lives. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, or that it should continue, but we need to realize that boys and men just struggle with this. And it doesn’t mean they’re not smart or capable.

I don’t want to be provocative, but school in the 2020s is about sitting quietly and regurgitating in the format and style that the teacher wants. That’s not going to work for a lot of boys. I’m not defending that, but it’s the reality. I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing, but fewer and fewer boys are going to graduate high school and go to college unless something changes.

Agree with everything but the last paragraph. School is 2020 is a bunch of EdTech computer games and teachers playing audiobooks. Kids struggle more now with organizing because so little is asked of them as far as practice goes with their schoolwork. If, and that’s a big if, they get homework at all, it’s some printed worksheet. When we had math homework for instance, you format your homework in a very particular way: name upper right corner, problem number in left margin, being careful to copy the problem out of the book correctly, lining up all your numbers, etc. While it may seem insignificant- these small things build your mind to organize and be diligent.


OP, I agree with the sentiment that probably any disorganized kid could be diagnosed with ADHD. But I don’t agree with that sentiment. Some people have a harder time naturally organizing and it takes practice and consistent learned habits. Some people have to train your brain to be organized. This is 5th grade- you have time to build some habits. Does he use a planner? I am surprised he is getting any homework at all in 5th grade. Is this private school? Have him start using his planner. Check in with him daily about what homework he has, when it’s due, his progress in completing, and if it is back in bag (or electronically submitted).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s a total disaster with homework. Leaves it at school half the time. When he does do it, it’s rushed. Usually gets 70s and 80s on tests. Just totally unmotivated to actually do the work (though he claims to want to do well). He’s smart, but just doesnt’ seem to care, and starting to wonder what will become of him.

He'll end up in the White House

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you're in denial about his ADHD, right?

What is with you people jumping to diagnoses? This sounds exactly like my son and somehow he is able to pay attention for hours and memorize facts about things he cares about. But he cant bring himself to remember his homework about the hyper girly novel his teacher assigned.
Not ADHD. Just immaturity because he is being compared to girls who seem about 2 years ahead physically and emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Why are people saying this is a bright child with 70s and 80s on tests? He's academically average. A bright child would get 90s and 100s on tests while forgetting homework half the time and goofing off in class. Bright children are rare. And if the weak grades are in math, then he is especially average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the answer that you need to hear but no one else will give you: Let him be. Supports won’t work. Your kid either won’t grow enough to take advantage of them, or he’ll become dependent on them and relapse the second they are taken away. And motivation won’t work. Sure, he may put in the extra effort for a special reward, but the day-to-day work isn’t going to get any better.

The reality is that your kid will become successful and motivated when he wants to be that way. Do your best to expose him to everything, and some day sparks will fly. Once he finds out what he’s interested in, he’ll begin to explore things he may be passionate about. It may not be this year or next (in fact it probably won’t happen until he’s closer to high school or beyond), but it will happen. I promise you.

Bottom line is love the kid you have, don’t get hung up on quiz scores or homework neatness, and let him find his path. He’ll be okay, I promise.

I completely disagree. To some kids, organization and school behavior come naturally. And some need to be taught. Two of mine were in the latter category. I had to teach them how to pack a backpack. I had to teach them to finish the assignments and everything else that went into being a good student. And once they learned, they were able to follow through. But good students r behavior was definitely a skill they weren’t born with and hadn’t mastered by fifth grade. I distinctly remember the light going on for me that we had to help them figure it out and it was almost midway through fifth grade.

Wise advice. What else did you teach them?

[Anonymous]

He’s a soda pop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the world of smart boys with ADHD. It only gets worse.

If that were true 80% of boys would have a neurological disorder. He’s not failing so he is focusing and learning, just not as well as he should be. Start with helping him build a system of organization and you’ll have to help with it for a long time until he gets it.

The bolded is 100% not true. Do you know anything about ADHD?

I know my son has a learning disability and he is disorganized and forgetful but it’s not adhd. I know that most kids who have adhd cannot pass their classes without help no matter their intelligent level. It’s the most common disability for kids in school and parents sometimes diagnose their child based on reading an article in a book

+1. We have a gifted boy with ADHD or exec functioning issues (testing was inconclusive). The answer was a private school: commonwealth academy in Alexandria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you're in denial about his ADHD, right?

What is with you people jumping to diagnoses? This sounds exactly like my son and somehow he is able to pay attention for hours and memorize facts about things he cares about. But he cant bring himself to remember his homework about the hyper girly novel his teacher assigned.
Not ADHD. Just immaturity because he is being compared to girls who seem about 2 years ahead physically and emotionally.

Hyperfocus is part of ADHD. Despite its name, ADHD isn't a lack of attention; it's an inability to regulate attention.