Is cheating acceptable if your partner refuses sex for years?

[Anonymous]

No, it's a hard boundary for me, and I would leave if it were broken. Like most women, 10+ years with the same person leaves me bored, but whatever. I view the most important purpose of our marriage as providing stability for the kids. I would leave after they leave for college if there was no sex and take care of myself in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but you should be open about it. No lying. And don't give them the ability to argue that you could have exposed them to an STI. Just be clear that you WILL be having sex with other people and that if they one day agree to sleep with you again, you two need to use protection and get tested.

If they don't agree to this, then you need to separate. Separation could mean living in the same house and keeping financials joint. But be clear with one another that you're no longer operating as a married unit.

[Anonymous]

What isn't acceptable, in my mind, is when a non-working or low-earning spouse refuses to have sex and refuses to take on household responsibilities but won't separate or divorce because they don't want to have to work. I've seen too many people do this for years, and the high earning spouse allows it without considering the financial consequences. When they finally divorce, the nonworker gets a huge financial windfall because the high earner was dumb enough to allow this to go on so long and the other person claims that they were married for decades. In reality, their marriage was a sham. Make a financial break and be honest with everyone about the fact that your marriage is over. Don't use other people.

[Anonymous]

Assuming the nest was empty I’d just get a divorce. Before then I’d grin and bear it. Sex isn’t so important to me that I’d cheat over it.

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

I say yes in theory, but in practice it's very difficult. Some people, like me, are extremely picky. I would only do that with someone I could emotionally and intellectually connect with, AND someone I find attractive. That's a lot of criteria! It would be so difficult to find someone, and then, I would maybe catch feelings.

So... be very careful. Your spouse is your priority. When you seek to get some needs met elsewhere, you do need to remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Sex is part of a healthy relationship. Barring temporary illnesses, if a couple is not having sex for years, either partner can open the marriage.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no. And why.

No. Your integrity is your own standard, not justifiable by their actions. You can stay or leave.

[Anonymous]

Never OK. The options are an open marriage or divorce. The lies and deception require a shift from who you are from a person into multiple characters that you portray depending on who you are with at the time. I would hate to have to figure out if any or either of the characters I play are the real me, but that is just my perspective.

[Anonymous]

It's only acceptable if you're a spineless coward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no. And why.

No. Your integrity is your own standard, not justifiable by their actions. You can stay or leave.

This is how I feel. I won't let my spouse put me in a position where I lose my integrity. I'd try to make it work, and I would leave before I would cheat. The few times I've acted against my integrity, I've suffered for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What isn't acceptable, in my mind, is when a non-working or low-earning spouse refuses to have sex and refuses to take on household responsibilities but won't separate or divorce because they don't want to have to work. I've seen too many people do this for years, and the high earning spouse allows it without considering the financial consequences. When they finally divorce, the nonworker gets a huge financial windfall because the high earner was dumb enough to allow this to go on so long and the other person claims that they were married for decades. In reality, their marriage was a sham. Make a financial break and be honest with everyone about the fact that your marriage is over. Don't use other people.

My SAHW had the affair during the day while I was loyal and providing for the family. Being used and abused destroys every ounce of self respect a person can have and then some. If you can choose a partner wisely this entire topic should have no impact on your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no. And why.

No

Fix the underlying problem or get divorced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no. And why.

Get some real meaning in your life OP. Sex ain’t the higher calling.

[Anonymous]

Yes because people have needs. Selfish, but still have needs.