Problem with Freshman in Vtech

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freshman drink, do drugs and have sex. The bigger issue would be not doing those things. Encourage safety and land the helicopter.

Oh you’re one of those parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting is ok, it is just now parenting a young adult. I assume the parents are paying college tuition so they, indeed, are involved if this is the case. Kids need to stop thinking they can go party and waste four years on parents’ money.

Okay? Fine? So you're suggesting that the parent threaten the student that the tuition money will be gone unless they comply? That's a straight-up recipe to get your kid to never trust or go to you again in any situation.


OP - This situation sucks. But she's a freshman. She's 18 and she's experimenting with her freedom and her new friends. I would be big money that she'll be tired of all of this by Christmas break and start the next semester off right. If not, you have your chance to speak to her then. But- for now- don't lose your daughter's trust by attempting to go behind her back for some sort of in loco parentis actions by the administration. For one, they probably will shake their head at you and, in addition, she's an adult.

Hold on tight and trust in your daughter.

Um, the daughter is already not coming to her parents or trusting them if she’s lying about what she’s doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting is ok, it is just now parenting a young adult. I assume the parents are paying college tuition so they, indeed, are involved if this is the case. Kids need to stop thinking they can go party and waste four years on parents’ money.

Okay? Fine? So you're suggesting that the parent threaten the student that the tuition money will be gone unless they comply? That's a straight-up recipe to get your kid to never trust or go to you again in any situation.


OP - This situation sucks. But she's a freshman. She's 18 and she's experimenting with her freedom and her new friends. I would be big money that she'll be tired of all of this by Christmas break and start the next semester off right. If not, you have your chance to speak to her then. But- for now- don't lose your daughter's trust by attempting to go behind her back for some sort of in loco parentis actions by the administration. For one, they probably will shake their head at you and, in addition, she's an adult.

Hold on tight and trust in your daughter.

Um, the daughter is already not coming to her parents or trusting them if she’s lying about what she’s doing.

True. Probably a by-product of strict and nosy parents throughout high school. If they threaten to take away tuition money for simply having a typical freshman experience, I'm sure the results will be even worse for OP.

[Anonymous]

https://ithacavoice.org/2025/09/cornell-freshman-dies-in-suspected-underage-drinking-incident/

Talk to your kids … drink in moderation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Freshman drink, do drugs and have sex. The bigger issue would be not doing those things. Encourage safety and land the helicopter.

Oh you’re one of those parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Did you pay one of her roommates to spy on her? Or are you just assuming? Anyway, so what if she's drinking? It's college in America. The [adult aged] kids will drink and party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a freshman in Vtech. She has started drinking with other college kids in dorm. She has denied it and continues to do it. She has started skipping classes. As she is 18 yrs old but under 21 yrs old, Can i as a parent ask for help from the college counselling center? What can i do before it becomes too late to do anything?

If she’s not asking you for advice and in fact is denying there’s an issue, there’s really not much you can do from a distance, and anything you try to do is likely to make her dig in.

She’s barely a month into college; give her some time to right her own ship. If she’s skipping classes she’ll soon learn the consequences.

[Anonymous]

At my kid's school the campus police frequently patrol the freshman dorms for underage drinking. If caught, everyone in the dorm room is charged as a minor in possession (MIP) even if the alcohol isn't yours. Maybe they do that at VT? DS even mentioned that last week the city police disguised themselves as janitors and busted a couple of boys for buying beer at the off campus convince store.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, but it is impossible to control her behavior at this point.

College is not going to engage with DD in any way unless DD breaks one of their rules -- because DD is now an adult.

If there is no signed FERPA waiver, then the college will hide behind FERPA and won't tell you anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s an adult. Let her make her own choices.

Bad advice. Even (chronological) adults need guidance.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty common especially when schools are more remote. Not much to do than hang around and go to parties.

[Anonymous]

Kids who grow up in authoritarian households with micromanaging parents party hard in college. I witnessed this with my students when I taught at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s an adult. Let her make her own choices.

She's not an adult in terms of legally drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t most freshman drink? I didn’t, and I definitely felt like the odd one out back in my college days.

Not only did my freshman and all her friends not drink…they still don’t as sophomores.

[Anonymous]

This is why you have them give you power of attorney when they turn 18. As long as I am footing the bills, I have a say.

I assume a college student (even underage) will drink within reason. But classes must be attended and work properly completed.