DD has hickeys. Talk me down…

[Anonymous]

I mean hickey are dumb but she's 17, so it tracks. You honestly should have had the safe sex talk years ago, but have it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s almost 18. You pretend you don’t notice. They did them on purpose. Teens do this. I remember it well and I remember my mom being disgusted, rightfully so. I was younger than your DD.

As an adult, we don’t understand why this is a thing. I don’t get it even though I got them and gave them back then. It’s harmless and there is much worse that could be happening. They will fade. Hopefully you’ve talked about BC.

Yeah. It’s hard to get a hickey. You have to purposefully trying to make one. It isn’t just kissing. She may not have realized, but he definitely did and probably did it for clout. But she is old enough that I wouldn’t bring it up. It will be noticed at school and/or work and other teens will definitely tease and call her out. She will learn to not let guys do that to her.

[Anonymous]

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this the best case scenario? She's dating her best guy friend and you know and adore him?

[Anonymous]

Ignore it OP. How is there possibly any other option? She's almost 18 years old.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Many years since l had a hickey but it wasn’t that hard to get one, maybe it varies.

Anyhow. If you guys aren’t open about talking about things like this in your house (sounds like that’s probably the case) she is probably very embarrassed about this. Please be low key. And yes make sure she has birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this the best case scenario? She's dating her best guy friend and you know and adore him?

+1. And she's 17, not in middle school. This is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Omg hickeys are so hilarious.

Her friends will give her enough shit that you don’t need to.

Time to talk about safe, sex birth control consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is almost 18 and a senior in high school. About two weeks ago she started dating her best guy friend. This morning I noticed two large hickeys on her neck which she tried to cover up by wearing a hoodie and having her hair down.
I haven’t said anything but I’m super upset and angry at both of them. Neither of them have dated anyone before so I’m guessing he didn’t realize that it doesn’t take much to give someone a hickey.
What should I say to her? To him? I know him well and he comes over at least once a week.

When my then bf left hickeys on my neck, it was a red flag. He was marking his territory, so to speak, and much worse actions soon followed. I have no advice, but, if it were my daughter, I'd want to pull his tongue out with pliers. Obviously, having an abusisive bf when I was a teen had a bad effect on me which persists even today.

[Anonymous]

One of my HS teachers called out a girl who had a hickey and gave the class a whole speech on how it’s a guy branding you and put this feminist spin on why she felt it was wrong and distasteful. I don’t remember the exact details but it made an impression on us. Maybe just explain why you dislike it and let her decide going forward.

[Anonymous]

It is not cute and it is not normal for older teens. The presence of hickeys makes her look bad. The fact that there are two and it takes effort to do and it does not feel good to have your neck sucked on hard enough to leave a mark. Tell the boyfriend to not leave hickeys on your dd. Tell him it is not okay.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of hand wringing about hickeys. The sucking and pressure feel good. People stop doing it because they don’t want to deal with all the social shame, talk of branding, etc. It looks gross, as does any bruise, but I never understood the (over)reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not cute and it is not normal for older teens. The presence of hickeys makes her look bad. The fact that there are two and it takes effort to do and it does not feel good to have your neck sucked on hard enough to leave a mark. Tell the boyfriend to not leave hickeys on your dd. Tell him it is not okay.

Actually lots of people think it feels great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not cute and it is not normal for older teens. The presence of hickeys makes her look bad. The fact that there are two and it takes effort to do and it does not feel good to have your neck sucked on hard enough to leave a mark. Tell the boyfriend to not leave hickeys on your dd. Tell him it is not okay.

Um, please I beg you, OP. Don't do this. This is not your business. You can tell your daughter you think their gross but that's it. Even then, it's not your place. She's almost 18 for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's not on BC, make an appointment and get her on it ASAP. Leave a box of condoms in her bathroom and replenish them as needed, no questions asked.

Trying to dictate anything else will backfire big time. Resist the urge.

+1