Managing people who get their feelings hurt

[Anonymous]

There are a zillion structured ways to give regular feedback. Pick one. Or maybe pick three and invite your problem employee to pick a finalist. Explain it, get buy in, practice it, then do it.

It’s annoying, but managing people is annoying. You have to achieve a zen state.

[Anonymous]

I used to cry easily at work feedback as an involuntary reaction. I would ignore the tears, address the work, and move on. The good news is I don’t really cry anymore because I don’t care what happens at this point. You would prefer to manage older me, but younger me was a much better employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to cry easily at work feedback as an involuntary reaction. I would ignore the tears, address the work, and move on. The good news is I don’t really cry anymore because I don’t care what happens at this point. You would prefer to manage older me, but younger me was a much better employee.

There’s no crying in baseball.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. This isn't common but it definitely happens more than it should. Be objective and stick to their work product. Point her to the EAP if she needs someone to talk it through.

I had an employee that anytime you brought up her performance she started bringing up health problems (and there were like 10 different issues), she then started bringing up family members' health issues. I would direct her to the EAP and tell her to use her sick leave whenever she feels like she's unable to work. But she's still required to do her work. Story doesn't have a good ending and it took a LOT of my time at work trying to document and get her to perform work. Before removal, I spent at least 4 hours a day that week working on this. Being a manager can be the worst.

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask if she'd prefer to get written feedback and set up an appointment to talk to you about it.

[Anonymous]

It shouldn't be on Op to arrange it for the comfort of the employee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them all feelings are ok, offer tissues and signal to security

Or how about helping them improve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It shouldn't be on Op to arrange it for the comfort of the employee

I have a few shy employees. I noticed that performance evals over the phone went a million times better during the pandemic. They spoke up and were more engaged. They easily could tell me about good things they were doing and they could bring up issues. I could imagine an overly emotional person would appreciate a tele conference.

I now offer my employees either telephone conference performance evaluations or in person in my office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore tears and focus on what the problem is and what you want them to do to change it. Managing their feelings is their job, not yours. If they reference trauma, remind them of resources your company has that involve mental health benefits. You can always say "Why don't you step out to get a sip of water and pull yourself together before we continue." And then stand up and open the door so they'll leave your office. If you're on Zoom say "Why don't we reconnect in two days to finish this meeting once you've had a chance to calm down and pulll yourself together." The onus is on them to behave professionally.

DP. Don’t say anything like this, especially the “pull yourself together” bit. No.

Just say, you can see that they are upset and ask them to come back later so that you can discuss further. Follow up in writing with whatever concerns you have along with some suggestions and resources for them, as well as an offer to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a you problem. It’s a them problem for sure. Maybe they do have trauma from a recent experience. Maybe they are manipulating you. Maybe they cry all the time anytime the emotions are heightened (I had one of those once).

Here’s the thing.
It doesn’t matter. You aren’t a therapist. You’re the manager.

So say things like ‘I know you had a difficult manager in the past… while some of that may still linger for you I want us to focus on the now…. I intend for us to have a positive working relationship not a negative or traumatic one, and It’s important to me that you understand my intentions as your new manager…. Having said that, there are performance issues occurring today that we need to discuss….’

This. I manage a team with a past. And this is how I do it, and how things work. It doesn’t matter if the previous boss was Satan. I am not, and I know I bend over backwards for my people, so they can succeed. That doesn’t mean I will tolerate shirking work. It’s a paid job, not a volunteer committee.