Which friend would you prioritize?

[Anonymous]

In general I'd stick with the previous commitment but I'd also double check with the college friend about how serious she was about it to make sure it was a legit commitment to come stay and spend time together, not just roll in around 12am, use your bedding and shower and eat breakfast and be on the road at 8am. If that were the case I'd consider trying to make separate plans with her a different weekend.

Fwiw a lot of "mom friends" break up when the kids hit middle and high school when many kids change their friend groups but if you still have a good friend from college she's likely a friend for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About a month ago, a good friend from college asked me if she and her family could come stay with us for one Friday night in a couple weeks to break up their drive to a wedding the next day. Of course I said yes since I am excited to see her and catch up.

At the same time, one of my current closest mom friends has been trying to plan a 40th birthday trip and of course, literally the only weekend that works for the majority of the group is the same weekend my college friend is supposed to be visiting.

I am strongly considering cancelling on my college friend to go on this trip since all of my close friends will be there and it seems a bit crazy to prioritize a friend who needs a place to crash driving over a big celebration, but is this horrible? And what do I say to my college friend? She can be sensitive and if I tell her I am going on a trip with other friends I know it will hurt her.

Did you express to the group that this week was a no go for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably do the birthday weekend and see if there was a time I could go visit the college friend. The college friend isn’t coming specifically to see you

Me again. The college friend is also only for one night.
Weekend milestone birthday plans with close friend in day-to-day life > one evening with college friend who is seeing me because she needs a place to stay

[Anonymous]

I mean. If everyone else he plans other weekends were they just not willing to bail on them- and you’re willing to ditch the friend you committed to keep up with them, go for it!

It will likely be the death of the friendship and you’ll be changing her plans and ditching her for something more fun for you. If that’s the kind of person you are or want to be, ditch her. If it isn’t the kind of friend you are or want to be, tell your new friends you have plans that weekend and to send lots of pictures!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably do the birthday weekend and see if there was a time I could go visit the college friend. The college friend isn’t coming specifically to see you

Me again. The college friend is also only for one night.
Weekend milestone birthday plans with close friend in day-to-day life > one evening with college friend who is seeing me because she needs a place to stay

I mean/ presumably your friend has other places to stay- like a hotel. They were probably excited when they saw you on the route and when you invited them to come stay. If that doesn’t matter to you, break your plans and tell them something more fun for you came up.

[Anonymous]

I get that the birthday trip would be more fun, but you can’t do that. Your friend asked you weeks ago! Everyone else had conflicts apparently. You also had conflicts. Birthday girl doesn’t like you enough to schedule around your conflict, so that a bummer, but these are local friends, right? You can hang out with them anytime.

If I was in the local mom friend group and heard that you bailed on a long time friend for me, I would seriously second guess our friendship.

But I do think it would be fine to fly in for just 24 hours, I do that kind of things for friends sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I would call my college friend and tell her what’s going on. She may be fine or even happy for you to go on a mom trip. If she gets angry or feels hurt, then you’ll need to make a decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably do the birthday weekend and see if there was a time I could go visit the college friend. The college friend isn’t coming specifically to see you

Me again. The college friend is also only for one night.
Weekend milestone birthday plans with close friend in day-to-day life > one evening with college friend who is seeing me because she needs a place to stay

No. You are trying to a) justify cancelling on the first plan OR b) do not want to host. Either way, it is a sign of being a trash human. If you are a bieetch, just own it.

[Anonymous]

Can your college friend stay with you on the way BACK from the wedding? You would be back home by then, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably do the birthday weekend and see if there was a time I could go visit the college friend. The college friend isn’t coming specifically to see you

Me again. The college friend is also only for one night.
Weekend milestone birthday plans with close friend in day-to-day life > one evening with college friend who is seeing me because she needs a place to stay

College friend.
When my Mom died my high school abd college friends showed up, even flying in. My Mom friends didn’t know what to say avoided the issue.

[Anonymous]

I’m interested in the part where everyone in the big group is sharing their open weekends, and it gets to be the weekend you aren’t free.

This happens to me for book clubs, parties, all the time. It’s not me being paranoid, and I think I’m hearing their conflicts, and it’s like “but I’ll be out of town, but that’s the week my son has a tournament, etc.”

It’s actually.. more exciting for you to the be the friend that has something. Have something. Something else besides this group. Don’t have FOMO now, and don’t have FOMO later. You may have more fun spending an hour or two with your one friend than being just one of the many doing braggy girls trip stuff.

Be the friend who hosts and sits in the dark talking for just a little too late. While her DH stresses that you need to get to bed lol. And then see them off in the morning.

I imagine that’s a better friend than the one who’s doing a big girls dinner in another city. The rest of them got their pull for the weekend, you didn’t. Could be a sign of the natural pecking order. It’s slightly ‘wannabe’ to just follow that group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call my college friend and tell her what’s going on. She may be fine or even happy for you to go on a mom trip. If she gets angry or feels hurt, then you’ll need to make a decision.

Don't do this. It will ruin both get together.

[Anonymous]

So once you cancel on college friend and make plans for the girls weekend, what will you do when a better offer than that rolls around?? Cancel again? To what end?

[Anonymous]

You committed to your college friend first.

[Anonymous]

I can understand your dilemma. College friend was part of your life but not anymore. Mom friends are your social network now. College friend isn't specially coming to visit you and can stay at a hotel. It seems trip would be fun and you don't want FOMO or feel like an outsider in the group. With hosting you'll mostly cleaning, cooking and gossiping about old classmates you've not seen in years and unlikely to see often. If you do a comparison, trip makes more sense. However, you did say to your college friend so its rude and wrong to cancel without a valid reason. In the end, its about ethics. If you value that, stay. If you are about practicality, apologize and go.