Which friend would you prioritize?

[Anonymous]

About a month ago, a good friend from college asked me if she and her family could come stay with us for one Friday night in a couple weeks to break up their drive to a wedding the next day. Of course I said yes since I am excited to see her and catch up.

At the same time, one of my current closest mom friends has been trying to plan a 40th birthday trip and of course, literally the only weekend that works for the majority of the group is the same weekend my college friend is supposed to be visiting.

I am strongly considering cancelling on my college friend to go on this trip since all of my close friends will be there and it seems a bit crazy to prioritize a friend who needs a place to crash driving over a big celebration, but is this horrible? And what do I say to my college friend? She can be sensitive and if I tell her I am going on a trip with other friends I know it will hurt her.

[Anonymous]

I would keep your plans with college friend. Can you go meet up with bday friend early Sat morning? You will miss the Fri nite, but if you can drive/fly early Sat morning to meet them, I'd do that.

I hate cancelling plans I committed to. So I couldn't do that - but that's a me problem, I'm a little inflexible like that. So even though it means missing the Friday part of the girls weekend, that is what I would probably do.

[Anonymous]

+1 for keeping plans with the college friend.

[Anonymous]

I would probably do the birthday weekend and see if there was a time I could go visit the college friend. The college friend isn’t coming specifically to see you

[Anonymous]

You made a commitment to the college friend first and should follow through on it. If that’s the only weekend that works for the 40th, meet your friends on Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Can your friend crash at your house without you? She still needs a place to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would keep your plans with college friend. Can you go meet up with bday friend early Sat morning? You will miss the Fri nite, but if you can drive/fly early Sat morning to meet them, I'd do that.

I hate cancelling plans I committed to. So I couldn't do that - but that's a me problem, I'm a little inflexible like that. So even though it means missing the Friday part of the girls weekend, that is what I would probably do.

It’s not a you problem. Following through on promises is an important thing. I also would not cancel on the college friend. OP had plans with her first.

[Anonymous]

You should honor your first commitment. If you really want to go, you tell her you have to be up at 5/6 am next morning but they can take their time, etc.

If you cancel, my guess is that friendship is over.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you committed to the college friend first so I’d honor that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your friend crash at your house without you? She still needs a place to stay.

+1 win-win

[Anonymous]

Mom friends come and go.

[Anonymous]

I would keep the commitment to the college friend you rarely see instead of cancelling to go on a trip with women you see all the time.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, it would not make sense to fly to the birthday celebration for 36 hours so going on Saturday isn’t really an option.

College friend could still stay at my house but my parents would need to come watch my kids which would be a bit awkward, and our kids don’t really know one another as they aren’t the same ages and we don’t see each other often.

I have been close with the mom friend for 9 years since we both moved to the same neighborhood and our oldest kids were born one month apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, it would not make sense to fly to the birthday celebration for 36 hours so going on Saturday isn’t really an option.

College friend could still stay at my house but my parents would need to come watch my kids which would be a bit awkward, and our kids don’t really know one another as they aren’t the same ages and we don’t see each other often.

Very easy answer. You made a special commitment and you keep it. That’s it. I don’t really care how this is even a question?

I have been close with the mom friend for 9 years since we both moved to the same neighborhood and our oldest kids were born one month apart.

[Anonymous]

This is literally the think we tell teenagers not to do - cancel on an old friend because shinier plans came along.