How much to give for bar mitzvah

[Anonymous]

It isn’t a wedding. I just can’t get behind giving a 12-13 yr old classmate over $50 for any occasion. $36 is fine. Your kid supporting by being present is the gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We give $20 for all birthdays.

You are very cheap.

You are very rude. We also give $20. That’s a lot of money for me.

[Anonymous]

You aren't trying to cover your costs for the event, you are acknowledging the work the 13 year old has put in to make the event happen. Reading Hebrew from the Torah and interpreting it when they'd rather be outside, or with friends, or let's face it, doing anything but working on their Hebrew, is a huge accomplishment.

It's not a birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did $54. The kids didn’t even know each other and our families aren’t close. We didn’t attend.

+1 We also do $54 for acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

I'm not Jewish and never attended a bar mitzvah. Come to think of it, I don't even have any Jewish friends. But I'm not so dense as to not recognize that it's a hugely significant event in the life of a Jewish family. I'd give generously.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Jew and would be embarrassed to give anything under 100

[Anonymous]

We gave $25, except one best friend got $40.

[Anonymous]

Our child attended two. We gave $100 each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate the expectation that you have to give money - and it’s a substantial amount too. And often kids are invited that really don’t know the kid. That’s why it feels like a money grab.

There is no expectation that you give money and also no expectation that it is any particular amount. Just like when you had your wedding, graduation, bridal shower or your child’s baptism or quinceañera or other cultural or religious milestone, friends and family come together and yes, often gifts are given by custom but not required. I find it antisemitic when you only characterize gift giving at Jewish milestones as a money grab but don’t characterize it that way for any other milestone celebrations.

[Anonymous]

We never give less than $200. People in the DMV are cheap and will say $15 is fine and imply it’s just a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the expectation that you have to give money - and it’s a substantial amount too. And often kids are invited that really don’t know the kid. That’s why it feels like a money grab.

There is no expectation that you give money and also no expectation that it is any particular amount. Just like when you had your wedding, graduation, bridal shower or your child’s baptism or quinceañera or other cultural or religious milestone, friends and family come together and yes, often gifts are given by custom but not required. I find it antisemitic when you only characterize gift giving at Jewish milestones as a money grab but don’t characterize it that way for any other milestone celebrations.

I think this is clearly untrue based on the responses. “I’m a Jew and would be embarrassed to give less than $100.” That sums it up right there.

Also, with a wedding the couple is just starting out with buying a house, furnishings, things to put in it etc. With a new baby, there is a lot to purchase. So yeah I can see giving a gift or cash. However, there are usually choices on the registry that are $25. But a 13 old living with their parents who gets all their needs taken care of? I don’t see why they need wedding like cash gifts. Have a close celebration with just family and friends. But nope, the entire 7th grade class gets invited. Or friends of the parents whom the kids don’t even know. And of course if you go you don’t want to look cheap so you have to follow the custom of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never give less than $200. People in the DMV are cheap and will say $15 is fine and imply it’s just a birthday party.

It absolutely is a birthday party and you’re getting a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the expectation that you have to give money - and it’s a substantial amount too. And often kids are invited that really don’t know the kid. That’s why it feels like a money grab.

There is no expectation that you give money and also no expectation that it is any particular amount. Just like when you had your wedding, graduation, bridal shower or your child’s baptism or quinceañera or other cultural or religious milestone, friends and family come together and yes, often gifts are given by custom but not required. I find it antisemitic when you only characterize gift giving at Jewish milestones as a money grab but don’t characterize it that way for any other milestone celebrations.

I think this is clearly untrue based on the responses. “I’m a Jew and would be embarrassed to give less than $100.” That sums it up right there.

Also, with a wedding the couple is just starting out with buying a house, furnishings, things to put in it etc. With a new baby, there is a lot to purchase. So yeah I can see giving a gift or cash. However, there are usually choices on the registry that are $25. But a 13 old living with their parents who gets all their needs taken care of? I don’t see why they need wedding like cash gifts. Have a close celebration with just family and friends. But nope, the entire 7th grade class gets invited. Or friends of the parents whom the kids don’t even know. And of course if you go you don’t want to look cheap so you have to follow the custom of money.

My guess is that person is a troll, probably not Jewish, and just stirring the pot. But even if I’m wrong, one comment by one poster is just one person’s gift perspective and obviously does not represent all, most, or even some Jewish people.

But again, I don’t see anyone getting all flipped out when someone invites the whole pre-k class to a birthday party and the custom is to give a gift, whether or not your kid is a close buddy and whether or not that child will need to pay for a house or furnishings one day. People on dcum get all upset when kids are excluded from invites. Now someone is inclusive of all classmates and that’s apparently now not ok either?

Bottom line: an invitation is not a summons. Your child can attend or decline. You can give a gift or just a card or nothing and it is all fine. Most guests will give gifts just as they do for other celebrations, but it’s not a requirement and no one is judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a Jew and would be embarrassed to give anything under 100

That has nothing to do with you being Jewish

I am Jewish and in the 1 percent of this country financially I give $36 to kids my kids don’t know well.

My gift is based on how well we know the person not on my religion.

You are an idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never give less than $200. People in the DMV are cheap and will say $15 is fine and imply it’s just a birthday party.

It absolutely is a birthday party and you’re getting a card.

You are so ignorant