I respect Bruce Willis' wife for having him receive 24/7 care in separate home

[Anonymous]

Usually it’s the man who bails, but I guess she has golden handcuffs.

[Anonymous]

Always a good idea to minimize the impact of dementia on healthy people around.

[Anonymous]

People are crazy. There will always be people that assume she's a gold digger and want to use this as evidence of that. I agree with everyone else. This is the compassionate solution for the family. He's probably very scary to the kids and not safe when not in a controlled environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she married him for the money and took a quick out as soon as she could. This is not caregiving. She moved him to another house and hid him away paying for 24-7 care and visited a few minutes a day. I cannot imagine doing that to my spouse.

It is human nature for a mother to prioritize the well-being of her children over that of her spouse in a conflict.

She had nannies and care for him... And, a huge house. Easy to make it work. I cared for my MIL and young kids with no help for a year... talk about hard.

If your MIL also had dementia, perhaps you made a mistake in exposing your kids to her and making yourself less available to your kids. I think Emma made the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are crazy. There will always be people that assume she's a gold digger and want to use this as evidence of that. I agree with everyone else. This is the compassionate solution for the family. He's probably very scary to the kids and not safe when not in a controlled environment.

Absolutely. Those kids are VERY young to be dealing with a parent with dementia. It would be very traumatizing. As a parent, I would never want my kids to be in that situation at my expense and have to constantly be around me in that condition. Those kids need the structure of daily life and shouldn’t have it disrupted constantly by a stream of caregivers, daily incidents and constant reminders of their dad’s condition. They’re lucky to have tons of money to create an ideal and comfortable situation where the kids can access the father but still retreat to their safe space. And, Bruce has constant care, peaceful surroundings and lots of visits.

It is heartbreaking that someone as young as Bruce has this advanced dementia. Sounds like they are making it work the best they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she married him for the money and took a quick out as soon as she could. This is not caregiving. She moved him to another house and hid him away paying for 24-7 care and visited a few minutes a day. I cannot imagine doing that to my spouse.

You're ignorant and a judgemental azz. Educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Nothing but respect and support for her from my camp. He is lucky to have the resources to fund excellent care and someone to ensure that he receives it, in a customized setting near people who love him.

We should all be so lucky. All grace to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is him not understanding where he now is, where his family is, being confused, feeling abandoned, getting depressed.

He likely does not know who they are anymore, but can enjoy their visits. With my own parent they sense emotion, but don't know who you are. So if you visit and are happy and loving, the person with dementia catches the mood. If you are exhausted and losing it (which I saw happening even with 24-7 care, because caregivers need time in their own home without a constant stream of strangers) the person with dementia senses the frustration and can become stressed.

This 100%. The other PP is projecting their own normal healthy way of thinking onto an FTD patient. They don't know where they are, who their family is, nothing is ever familiar, but it doesn't matter because most of the time they don't have any expectations either. There is no sense of abandonment because there is no sense of where they used to be or who they used to be with.

And no one should criticize caregivers without being in their shoes 24/7. Dealing with an adult with dementia is so hard. It's like a toddler but worse because it's a full size body. My dad would do stuff like pick up a knife from the kitchen and wave it around in ways that made me uncomfortable. We locked up all the sharp objects that night, but like another PP said, seniors don't have the best executive function even when they don't have dementia. My mom was never as careful about safety as I wanted her to be.

Memory care was necessary, and it will use up all their savings. Bruce Willis' family is lucky that they can afford any and every level of care. Given that amount of wealth, we would do the same for my dad - private second home with 24/7 care or a high end nursing home with 24/7 supplemental aides.

[Anonymous]

It's unfortunate we don't have better access to assisted suicide before things get to this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's unfortunate we don't have better access to assisted suicide before things get to this point.

USA has more access to assisted suicide than most other nations. Look it up!

[Anonymous]

Is this a novel idea? My aunt did this with my uncle. I know lots of other who have done the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a novel idea? My aunt did this with my uncle. I know lots of other who have done the same.

It's not novel, but she is getting a ton of judgment and backlash. My own mother was so afraid of being judged for putting my dad in Memory care that she kept him at home with 24-7 caregivers until she completely lost her mind and was lashing out at him. It was better for everyone when he was properly placed. He didn't know anyone and didn't seem to feel abandoned, just calmer and relieved and he enjoyed visits with these well-rested strangers. She could take more care of herself too, but she was so obsessed with keeping up appearances that the shame overwhelmed her. She even commented how much happier he was (until he declined more), but that just made her feel guilty. Caregivers are not superhuman. I did this post to say no judgment, just accolades for Bruce Willis's wife. It's healthier for everyone involved and that includes Bruce. The chaos of his adorable kids may have been too much for him in his state. Controlled visits to see dad in a peaceful and quiet setting and then a trip to a place where the kids and burn energy and be boisterous kids is the perfect combo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a novel idea? My aunt did this with my uncle. I know lots of other who have done the same.

It's not novel, but she is getting a ton of judgment and backlash. My own mother was so afraid of being judged for putting my dad in Memory care that she kept him at home with 24-7 caregivers until she completely lost her mind and was lashing out at him. It was better for everyone when he was properly placed. He didn't know anyone and didn't seem to feel abandoned, just calmer and relieved and he enjoyed visits with these well-rested strangers. She could take more care of herself too, but she was so obsessed with keeping up appearances that the shame overwhelmed her. She even commented how much happier he was (until he declined more), but that just made her feel guilty. Caregivers are not superhuman. I did this post to say no judgment, just accolades for Bruce Willis's wife. It's healthier for everyone involved and that includes Bruce. The chaos of his adorable kids may have been too much for him in his state. Controlled visits to see dad in a peaceful and quiet setting and then a trip to a place where the kids and burn energy and be boisterous kids is the perfect combo.

Part of marrying a celebrity is being subject to public opinion. I feel sorry for her because I believe she made the right choice, but celebrities always face judgment and backlash. You have to have thick skin and confidence in your own discernment in her shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she married him for the money and took a quick out as soon as she could. This is not caregiving. She moved him to another house and hid him away paying for 24-7 care and visited a few minutes a day. I cannot imagine doing that to my spouse.

It is human nature for a mother to prioritize the well-being of her children over that of her spouse in a conflict.

She had nannies and care for him... And, a huge house. Easy to make it work. I cared for my MIL and young kids with no help for a year... talk about hard.

If your MIL also had dementia, perhaps you made a mistake in exposing your kids to her and making yourself less available to your kids. I think Emma made the right choice.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unfortunate we don't have better access to assisted suicide before things get to this point.

USA has more access to assisted suicide than most other nations. Look it up!

No, you don't. Here in vilified Canada, anybody who is proactive can apply for medical aid in dying as long as they apply before they lose competence. I don't know anybody that does routine cognitive testing besides myself. I take the SAGE test from the University of Ohio every six months or whenever I have a memory lapse. The minute I slip I'm going out as a full human being. I have no wish to take the dementia "journey", turn anybody into a caregiver or lose a lifetime of savings and hand it over to the elder care "industry." If dementia life was so meaningful you would have public facilities as good as the place Bruce Willis has. Oh you don't, then follow the money, it's always about that.