How to inform family that their dear departed relative disinherited you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom disinherited my brother of all but a small portion. I chose to split everything 50/50 and the probate court had no objection at all.

Why would the probate court care? It was your money at that point you could do whatever you wanted.

The executor is supposed to execute the will, and I did not according to its terms. I distributed the assets straight to him. Anyway they have to approve things and my attorney said it was fine not to follow the will. It does matter and being an executor is a PITA.

[Anonymous]

Why inform them of that?
Clearly you're fishing for a reaction

[Anonymous]

"Keep in mind that once the estate has been administered the Will is then a public record for anyone with the ability to do a search, finding the document in the local Civil court system."

Wow! I had no idea that this was the case. I suppose that most people are unaware of this, and that it wouldn't even occur to people to check and see what someone put in their will. I think people just assume that a person's estate was given in a fair and expected way and wouldn't even think to confirm that.

[Anonymous]

What is your role - are you one of the kids? I would leave it to the kids to disclose their financial issues. I would be upset if I was the disinherited person and everyone else knew it.

[Anonymous]

I would not. What purpose would that serve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why inform them of that?
Clearly you're fishing for a reaction

No OP, but yes, this is something that close relatives should know about. My family tore itself apart because of a very unfair will, which was overturned in court after 25 years. I've seen multiple inheritance issues in various families, all stemming from an uneven division of assets. It's very important to divide assets evenly. No asset division will ever be "fair" in the sense that usually each person receiving a portion has different needs and dependents. But the "least worse" way of dividing an inheritance is by simple division by the number of heirs. There are some cases where a trust fund can be prepared for an heir with special needs. That's the only exception I've ever seen accepted by the other beneficiaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why inform them of that?
Clearly you're fishing for a reaction

No OP, but yes, this is something that close relatives should know about. My family tore itself apart because of a very unfair will, which was overturned in court after 25 years. I've seen multiple inheritance issues in various families, all stemming from an uneven division of assets. It's very important to divide assets evenly. No asset division will ever be "fair" in the sense that usually each person receiving a portion has different needs and dependents. But the "least worse" way of dividing an inheritance is by simple division by the number of heirs. There are some cases where a trust fund can be prepared for an heir with special needs. That's the only exception I've ever seen accepted by the other beneficiaries.

Presumably the parent of OP intended that effect, continuing chaos and pain from beyond the grave.

[Anonymous]

I hope you can find peace, OP. Extended family may or may not be part of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without anybody else being aware of the inequity, the person sitting on the big inheritance doesn't have to endure any shame or disapproval for being greedy and not sharing.

My father inherited everything from his brother/my uncle who was divorced and had two children with his ex-wife. She was struggling financially to raise our cousins without him. My mother was livid that her BIL had done that, and insisted that my father give every dime to the ex-wife/mother of his kids. I'd like to think that even if my mom hadn't done that, one of my other aunts or uncles would have called out my dad for keeping that money. But my dad could have kept quiet and not told anybody about the will, even my mom, and nobody would have been the wiser. The secret nature of wills seems ripe for all sorts of moral corruption.

Keep in mind that once the estate has been administered the Will is then a public record for anyone with the ability to do a search, finding the document in the local Civil court system.

I didn't like this aspect so am moving most assets to a trust. One exception is a car and another are the retirement accounts, such as IRAs. I'm getting help from a financial advisor and a lawyer to figure out what to do.

Any financial account with beneficiaries avoids probate and is private.

Hoping to sell the car before non-driving parent passes so that I can entirely avoid probate!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely! I'd mention it every time someone mentioned how great my parent was/how much they missed them.

"you know what has helped with my grief? The fact that I was cut out of the will. At the time it happened, it was shocking and painful. But it made me so hurt/confused that so much more energy was spent on that than grieving."

[Anonymous]

How much money is the estate?
Is it life changing money or just anger and trauma?

[Anonymous]

Not OP but something similar is going to happen to me. My parent thinks it is a big secret but we all know. I have known it for about 5 years because she gleefully drops hints constantly.
2 years ago she reneged on an agreement and threatened elder abuse. She then tried to stalk my child (her grandchild).
That was when I decided self-preservation has long been overdue for me and my kids.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother was raised in great wealth. Something happened, not sure what. My grandparents should have been wealthy when her parent's estate was distributed in the 1930s, but that was not the case. It's clear there was a great deal of enmity among my sweet grandmother's siblings. My grandmother kept her assets separate from the marital assets, and she equally divided her estate among her children.

I think it's best to be plain spoken about what happened. Let the mother be exposed for trying to create division between siblings from the grave. I yelled from the rooftops when my sibling stole a good portion of my parent's trust. I was damned if she was going to get away with it, and if any of the cousins held it against me for airing the ugly truth, so be it.

[Anonymous]

The sibling has the choice to split the inheritance with the disinherited sibling. I think everyone knowing what happened puts some healthy social pressure on them to do that.

[Anonymous]

I am wondering how I will handle this when my stepdad dies and his friends, who I have known since I was a little kid, understandably try to console me like I am his (adult) child. Um, I don't think he considered me that. The half siblings (his and my mom's) get 97% and my siblings and I get 1% each of a large estate. Raised in same home. I even got married in that home.

He told us his plans a few months ago. Hurtful, but oh well. At least I won't have to plan that funeral.