Give me a standard response for nosy people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m coming up for air after a soul-crushing divorce. I am poor and struggling to start over, my kids do have what they need. Ex-DH is rich and successful. I am doing nearly all of the parenting. I have moved far from my old neighborhood and the life I built.

I need to take the kids to a big party where lots of families and adults will be hosted by friends from their old private school.

I feel like I will die on the spot just anticipating it, but my kids really need to keep this connection to their friends and a few of their friends’ parents, especially the dads.

Give me a response to the “how are you DOING?” questions and “where did you MOVE?” And “did you not want the house?” comments that less-close friends and acquaintances are going to corner me with, because people had similar things to say at another event and I froze and left early and a friend drove my kids home.

I'm sorry about the situation. That sounds really tough.

But to throw more nosy questions into your pile, why do your kids need to stay connected to the dads? Job opportunities? If that's the case, your kids are likely old enough to handle this event on their own if you don't feel like it.

If an acquaintance who knew I was going to the party said to me a shorter version of what you wrote in the op, I'd happily chaperone your kids if you needed to duck out.

I also think it's fine to say something direct like "hey, thanks for asking. I'm doing okay and they kids are fine but I'm not up for talking divorce-related matters tonight. Tell me how you're doing." Hopefully there's even someone kind you can hang out with who knows this who can help redirect the questions.

[Anonymous]

Don’t ask for advice from DCUM. The scripts here are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Brian and I divorced at the end of the summer so I'm getting used to a new normal. I don't want to get into the details, but would rather just enjoy catching up with you - how was your summer?"

This. You'll be fine and people will be happy to see you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m coming up for air after a soul-crushing divorce. I am poor and struggling to start over, my kids do have what they need. Ex-DH is rich and successful. I am doing nearly all of the parenting. I have moved far from my old neighborhood and the life I built.

I need to take the kids to a big party where lots of families and adults will be hosted by friends from their old private school.

I feel like I will die on the spot just anticipating it, but my kids really need to keep this connection to their friends and a few of their friends’ parents, especially the dads.

Give me a response to the “how are you DOING?” questions and “where did you MOVE?” And “did you not want the house?” comments that less-close friends and acquaintances are going to corner me with, because people had similar things to say at another event and I froze and left early and a friend drove my kids home.

I'm sorry about the situation. That sounds really tough.

But to throw more nosy questions into your pile, why do your kids need to stay connected to the dads? Job opportunities? If that's the case, your kids are likely old enough to handle this event on their own if you don't feel like it.

If an acquaintance who knew I was going to the party said to me a shorter version of what you wrote in the op, I'd happily chaperone your kids if you needed to duck out.

I also think it's fine to say something direct like "hey, thanks for asking. I'm doing okay and they kids are fine but I'm not up for talking divorce-related matters tonight. Tell me how you're doing." Hopefully there's even someone kind you can hang out with who knows this who can help redirect the questions.

This is the best advice.

Given your situation, you probably
get good spousal and child support and got a hefty portion of assets. It’s not all doom and gloom.

Focus on yourself and building your career/life.

It’s a new chapter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, you can always ask questions back like

"Oh are you going through a divorce now, or planning to?"

Put them on the f-king spot.

This is a great way to become totally alienated

[Anonymous]

Tell them you moved to a van down by Pohick stream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m coming up for air after a soul-crushing divorce. I am poor and struggling to start over, my kids do have what they need. Ex-DH is rich and successful. I am doing nearly all of the parenting. I have moved far from my old neighborhood and the life I built.

I need to take the kids to a big party where lots of families and adults will be hosted by friends from their old private school.

I feel like I will die on the spot just anticipating it, but my kids really need to keep this connection to their friends and a few of their friends’ parents, especially the dads.

Give me a response to the “how are you DOING?” questions and “where did you MOVE?” And “did you not want the house?” comments that less-close friends and acquaintances are going to corner me with, because people had similar things to say at another event and I froze and left early and a friend drove my kids home.

I would just say we are doing fine and change the subject.

This. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t ask for advice from DCUM. The scripts here are the worst.

No they aren't. They are reality. Some people can't seem to mind their own f-king business.
-DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you shouldn't go if you are going to be tripped up with ordinary chit chat.

Maybe you should stay off the internet if you can't be a decent human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think it is beyond rude that these people would even think it is acceptable to even ask these types of questions.

I would let them know w/a smile that I was not “at liberty” to discuss my divorce w/anyone then continue smiling while changing the subject at hand.

How are you doing and where did you move are not crazy questions.

[Anonymous]

While I 100% agree asking specific divorce related questions is beyond rude, what exactly is rude with the regular: "It is so good to see you, how are you?"

What exactly does OP want other people to say to her? I am being sincere in asking, because it sounds like even asking "how are you?" is not ok. Why not? That is a regular US greeting.

I guess the alternative is that no one speaks to OP at all and ignores her at the party which is also rude. People who claim they don't know what to say so they don't say anything leave the person in question alienated and shunned. A few years ago I was at a family cookout/party when in walked a woman we all knew whose husband had committed suicide a few months earlier and this was the first time many of us had seen her and her kids since the funeral. I was shocked that no one seemed to acknowledge her so I got up from where I was sitting, walked across the yard to say "hello Sue, it is very nice to see you here. How are you doing today?" I mean, is that wrong?

[Anonymous]

"It's a big adjustment."
You can answer that to, "how are you doing?"
Don't elaborate.
They are going to think whatever they want to think. It won't matter what you say. Or they won't really think about you at all. Or if they are truly friends, they are already in touch with you and have been talking to you all along.

Change the subject. Be pleasant. Make eye contact. Have a neutral, at ease expression on your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you just say “larlo screwed me over, so i live in a shack”. Then wait for about 20 seconds of awkward silence and then throw them a lifeline and ask how their summer was?

They’d certainly never bring it up again after that. And everyone can talk shit about larlo later.

They probably already are. Everyone knows he’s a dog. Don’t worry. They are on your side unless you cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m coming up for air after a soul-crushing divorce. I am poor and struggling to start over, my kids do have what they need. Ex-DH is rich and successful. I am doing nearly all of the parenting. I have moved far from my old neighborhood and the life I built.

I need to take the kids to a big party where lots of families and adults will be hosted by friends from their old private school.

I feel like I will die on the spot just anticipating it, but my kids really need to keep this connection to their friends and a few of their friends’ parents, especially the dads.

Give me a response to the “how are you DOING?” questions and “where did you MOVE?” And “did you not want the house?” comments that less-close friends and acquaintances are going to corner me with, because people had similar things to say at another event and I froze and left early and a friend drove my kids home.

Flippant answers, then redirect the coversation with something like "Oh I love that shirt! Where did you get it?"

[Anonymous]

You do not owe any of these acquaintances access to your private life. Yes, they all want to know your drama because life is mundane.

Uncomfortable question response. Thanks for asking - I genuinely appreciate your concern. Everyone is adjusting as expected. How have you all been?

If someone corners you oddly, just bio break out of it. Excuse me, I need to…

Or just be real… I’d rather not talk about my private family matters. I hope you understand my need for privacy. Let’s switch the subject, and then find a topic you know interests them.