Not inviting the whole class if the teacher isn't sending the invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? I was surprised to learn that birthday party invites became a whole topic of conversation and kids were lording them over each other ("you're not invited to my birthday!") in my DC's 3's class last year.

Yes this is a 3s class. I don't plan on telling my kid who's coming or is invited before the party...whether the other parents tell their kids about the party and those kids tell the rest of the class - well, not sure about that and that was partly why I asked the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you poor? Is this party a gift grab?

No need to call the class at all. Just invite your friends and family. Oh, don't have friends and family? Then just get a cake from costco and call it a day. Why does your kid need a party?

You got me, I'm poor and want other parents to give me free gifts. Muhahah...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t invite a preschool class???

Really?

Preschool classes are between 10 and 15 students—and it’s guaranteed that at least a few kids will have conflicts.

If you can’t host 10 kids you shouldn’t have a party.

Well, when you add a couple of family friends, siblings who might tag along, and your own kids, the numbers add up pretty quickly if most people end up making it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent, I’m fine with this. The kids are little. It’s good for them to learn that not everyone goes to every party for all kinds of reasons. It’s okay.

I think as parents we need to model that finding out you weren’t invited to a party or an outing is not a crisis or a sign that someone doesn’t like you. It’s just a guest list. Venues have caps. Parties have budgets.

Eh, it's not a crisis but it does kinda mean they don’t like you as much as the other guests. That's something an adult can shrug about but a kid will understandably be hurt: their social worlds are usually not large.

It's good to talk to your kid about budgets and invites not being personal, but also talk to them about not excluding people and not talking about parties in front of people you don't know to be invited. The latter has more impact, imo.

No, it doesn’t! It means mommy and daddy are paying for a party at Paint A Real Live Panda-Rama, or whatever. The cap is six kids, two cousins are obligatory, and Johnny’s mom is the birthday mom’s best friend and promised to bring wine. It’s just a party. You can’t learn it too early.

[Anonymous]

We’ve always done very small parties and it’s worked well for us. Like 3-6 friends total. I’d hate a whole class sized party. Miserable.

[Anonymous]

You either need to invite like 2-3 kids or the entire class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world would the teacher ever be responsible for sending invitations on behalf of the parents? I have never ever seen that.

That was the norm at two different preschools my kids attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world would the teacher ever be responsible for sending invitations on behalf of the parents? I have never ever seen that.

DP. I assumed that was how whole class invitations went out. I've never had contact information for every kid in a class.

It is, at least in the DCPS preschools we attended. They may have even done it in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? I was surprised to learn that birthday party invites became a whole topic of conversation and kids were lording them over each other ("you're not invited to my birthday!") in my DC's 3's class last year.

Yes this is a 3s class. I don't plan on telling my kid who's coming or is invited before the party...whether the other parents tell their kids about the party and those kids tell the rest of the class - well, not sure about that and that was partly why I asked the question.

Honestly if your kid isn't old enough or into it enough to care about the party and who is coming, then this is not a party for your kid - it's a party to tick the box or for you to get photos. This should be about the kid and maybe you wait a year? Wait until the kid is asking for a party and making sure you are inviting so and so, etc. Honestly, parents don't watn to deal w/ a party of someone they don't even know on precious weekend time.

[Anonymous]

I find it ludicrous that schools still require parents to invite whole classrooms to their children’s birthday parties!

I get that they do not want anyone to feel left out socially + all, but it is a life lesson best learned early.

Beyond Elementary school, not everyone gets asked to the school dances.
Many kids have spent their prom nights at home alone and that is just an aspect of life.

[Anonymous]

In my kids 3s class there are 16 kids. Everyone is invited to all the parties. These parties are usually pizza or just a cake at a playground or the kid's house. Some of the parties are just for the class, and the kids have something seperate for family and outside friends. Three year olds don't need some crazy event that costs $25 per kid, but it is the time when kids start to really care about birthdays. It's so much better to be inclusive at this age. Next year we will be in a class with a lot more kids and the word I've heard from other parents is that the RSVPs really thin out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? I was surprised to learn that birthday party invites became a whole topic of conversation and kids were lording them over each other ("you're not invited to my birthday!") in my DC's 3's class last year.

Yes this is a 3s class. I don't plan on telling my kid who's coming or is invited before the party...whether the other parents tell their kids about the party and those kids tell the rest of the class - well, not sure about that and that was partly why I asked the question.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. From what I could gather from my DC and the teachers, the behavior had no relationship to actual invitations (or lack there of). It was just one way the kids figured out how to be mean to each other. Fortunately the parents still did all-class parties (or family only) so the kids’ worst impulses didn’t leave to actual kids being left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent, I’m fine with this. The kids are little. It’s good for them to learn that not everyone goes to every party for all kinds of reasons. It’s okay.

I think as parents we need to model that finding out you weren’t invited to a party or an outing is not a crisis or a sign that someone doesn’t like you. It’s just a guest list. Venues have caps. Parties have budgets.

Invite everyone OP. You can model exclusiveness for years to come as your kid ages.

Let them all have fun.
Also, many will have competing events, so unlikely you get a full house.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but preschool parties should always be all class parties.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t the rule of thumb one guest for each year of age? 3 year old has 3 guests. Seems about right to me.