Not inviting the whole class if the teacher isn't sending the invite

[Anonymous]

I'm planning my kid's bday party and prefer not to invite the whole class since there might be way too many RSVPs. I did get the list of parents' emails from daycare, but I'm going to send the invite myself and not ask the teacher to send it.

In that case, is it OK if I invite part of the class? I only know about half the kids since her class recently got mixed with a different class anyways, so I'd invite the kids that I know. It just feels a little weird to not invite the whole class at this age, but it's really just to keep the party size smaller.

[Anonymous]

At this age, whole-class invitation is preferred because the kids cannot keep their mouths shut about a party. It's impossible that some kids won't find out and feel hurt. It's very likely some little jerk will lord it over some other kid who wasnt invited. That's why people have birthdays in parks or in giant play places at this age.

Obviously you can do whatever you want, but that's the tradeoff.

[Anonymous]

Idk op.
For most of my parenting life, the whole class was too much for me to manage at a party. And… we have additional friends outside the class.

It’s a tough choice. When the class size is smaller than 12, try to invite all, and hope not everyone can come.

Some kids can’t get friends to show, so count your blessings. (Literally?)

PS. Class invites is where I see worst rsvp behavior. Like not rsvp and show up on the day. Or, what’s hard for me is just..not being able to reach out again and confirm any RSVPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk op.
For most of my parenting life, the whole class was too much for me to manage at a party. And… we have additional friends outside the class.

It’s a tough choice. When the class size is smaller than 12, try to invite all, and hope not everyone can come.

Some kids can’t get friends to show, so count your blessings. (Literally?)

PS. Class invites is where I see worst rsvp behavior. Like not rsvp and show up on the day. Or, what’s hard for me is just..not being able to reach out again and confirm any RSVPs.

I might just be jinxing myself...it would be funny if no one RSVP'd and then I ended up inviting the whole class anyways. I guess I'm assuming people will be free...

[Anonymous]

Last year we tried to pick and choose because DD didn't want to invite one kid, we ended up inviting everyone. It was a lot but we could afford it.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I’m fine with this. The kids are little. It’s good for them to learn that not everyone goes to every party for all kinds of reasons. It’s okay.

I think as parents we need to model that finding out you weren’t invited to a party or an outing is not a crisis or a sign that someone doesn’t like you. It’s just a guest list. Venues have caps. Parties have budgets.

[Anonymous]

Generally, you invite the whole class, all of one gender, or you select fewer than half the kids.

In your case, since your kid's class recently mixed with another class, you might be able to get away with inviting all of your kid's old class. To know if that would work, I'd need more details.

Is this a party at a venue and you're concerned about cost? Or is it a party at home or in a park and you're concerned about oversight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent, I’m fine with this. The kids are little. It’s good for them to learn that not everyone goes to every party for all kinds of reasons. It’s okay.

I think as parents we need to model that finding out you weren’t invited to a party or an outing is not a crisis or a sign that someone doesn’t like you. It’s just a guest list. Venues have caps. Parties have budgets.

Eh, it's not a crisis but it does kinda mean they don’t like you as much as the other guests. That's something an adult can shrug about but a kid will understandably be hurt: their social worlds are usually not large.

It's good to talk to your kid about budgets and invites not being personal, but also talk to them about not excluding people and not talking about parties in front of people you don't know to be invited. The latter has more impact, imo.

[Anonymous]

Invite the whole class. Not everyone will be able to make it. No kid will be old and wise enough to not discuss the party and assume that everyone is invited. Come on, OP. You know this.

[Anonymous]

Can you do an afternoon cake party at daycare, day right after lunch? That way the whole class included without you having to host for hours on end. Thrn a separate smaller pribate party.

[Anonymous]

Only twice in my time as a parent (my youngest is in fourth grade) have we received an invite to an all class party. I think this is way less common than DCUM thinks.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? I was surprised to learn that birthday party invites became a whole topic of conversation and kids were lording them over each other ("you're not invited to my birthday!") in my DC's 3's class last year.

[Anonymous]

You can’t invite a preschool class???

Really?

Preschool classes are between 10 and 15 students—and it’s guaranteed that at least a few kids will have conflicts.

If you can’t host 10 kids you shouldn’t have a party.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would the teacher ever be responsible for sending invitations on behalf of the parents? I have never ever seen that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world would the teacher ever be responsible for sending invitations on behalf of the parents? I have never ever seen that.

DP. I assumed that was how whole class invitations went out. I've never had contact information for every kid in a class.