10 yo DS has a “girlfriend” and my husband is freaking out because she’s older and a grade above him

[Anonymous]

Your husband is being insane. It is fine if you want to talk about what relationships might look like with your kid. But the fact that a girl a year older knows him from the pool and they both like to same Roblox game (or whatever they have in common) is not an actual issue.

[Anonymous]

do they even make condoms to fit 10 years ago-olds ?!?

OMG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My experience is this kind of fake dating (they don't even really speak much) begins in middle school. Which is 6th or 7th grade. And all of them are not doing it. Some are. It's an age where they are desperately wanting to seem independent and older and they are just trying on all of it to see how it feels. I think 10 is very young for this.

I would not freak out but I would have a conversation with him about it and just let him know it's early to be thinking about all of this. But non-judgmental and open. Calling it a "relationship" is a stretch. A lot of these kids are just going along with the peer group or doing this to fit in and the whole thing makes them uncomfortable. Even in early middle school.

OP here. Yeah, that’s my intuition. Bottom line is we’re going on vacation next week and then the back to school scramble begins. I’m 100% confident that whatever “relationship” this is will just fizzle out, if it was even there to begin with. But I do think it’s worth starting a conversation about friendships vs “relationships” and how the latter are for when kids are much older. My husband is mostly worried about the age gap and that this could be some sort of predator/abuse situation, but I just don’t see it. Definitely odd though and not what I thought I’d be dealing with over this summer break.

It’s not a bad time to have a serious conversation with DS on consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I’m trying to get him to calm down about this. Don’t really know the girl or her parents, only that she lives a few blocks away and goes to the same school. I don’t think they do anything other than talk to each other at the pool and say hi when they are in groups. I can’t imagine DS has much interest in anything else either. He’s not particularly mature, but he’s definitely been getting his sh*t together a bit more over the past few months. Then again, he’s a 10 year old who will do almost anything for a pack of oreos. Anything we need to address here, or just let be? I mean, she starts middle school in 2 weeks.

Misogyny much? So many kids in same grade are up-to 2 years apart from each other. Almost every man dates younger women by many years even decades, he was s freaking out over a year? That being said, preteen relationships rarely last long.

[Anonymous]

Due to being born on cutoff date and having peers being redshirted, same grade students are few months to few years apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell that little home-wrecker she is robbing the cradle and to leave your poor baby-boy alone!

I just can’t get over the fact that a 10 year old has been getting his sh-t together for the past few months. Pure drama around these parts with the obsessions, over-reactions, and constant scrutiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell that little home-wrecker she is robbing the cradle and to leave your poor baby-boy alone!

I just can’t get over the fact that a 10 year old has been getting his sh-t together for the past few months. Pure drama around these parts with the obsessions, over-reactions, and constant scrutiny.

OP here. It’s honestly been impressive. Kid is feeding the fish (almost) every day. Wet clothes from the pool go right in the washing machine. He even heated some milk up in the microwave for his little sister. Still working on getting that shoelace tying technique down, but things are really looking up for him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I’m trying to get him to calm down about this. Don’t really know the girl or her parents, only that she lives a few blocks away and goes to the same school. I don’t think they do anything other than talk to each other at the pool and say hi when they are in groups. I can’t imagine DS has much interest in anything else either. He’s not particularly mature, but he’s definitely been getting his sh*t together a bit more over the past few months. Then again, he’s a 10 year old who will do almost anything for a pack of oreos. Anything we need to address here, or just let be? I mean, she starts middle school in 2 weeks.

You should talk to him about condoms and insist that she be on the pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I’m trying to get him to calm down about this. Don’t really know the girl or her parents, only that she lives a few blocks away and goes to the same school. I don’t think they do anything other than talk to each other at the pool and say hi when they are in groups. I can’t imagine DS has much interest in anything else either. He’s not particularly mature, but he’s definitely been getting his sh*t together a bit more over the past few months. Then again, he’s a 10 year old who will do almost anything for a pack of oreos. Anything we need to address here, or just let be? I mean, she starts middle school in 2 weeks.

Let him have fun. That's what older girls are for, learning experiences.

[Anonymous]

I think this is pretty normal. Most kids in my kid’s 5th grade class had “boyfriends/girlfriends” judging by their group chats. These were not real relationships. I never met my kid’s “boyfriend” , they never met outside of school, and they aren’t “dating” anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed this in 5th grade too. I asked DS what having a "gf" entailed, and I still have no idea. They didn't eat together at lunch , didn't play together at recess, didn't get together outside of school unless it happened to be with other friends. He had one for all of 3 weeks before he decided it was dumb.

In the 1970s, in my 4th grade, there was a couple that lasted for about 3 weeks. They held hands a couple of times. They seemed to smile and be friendly and to talk a little bit more to each other but that was it. The guy really couldn't articulate how exactly this was girlfriend/boyfriend status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed this in 5th grade too. I asked DS what having a "gf" entailed, and I still have no idea. They didn't eat together at lunch , didn't play together at recess, didn't get together outside of school unless it happened to be with other friends. He had one for all of 3 weeks before he decided it was dumb.

In the 1970s, in my 4th grade, there was a couple that lasted for about 3 weeks. They held hands a couple of times. They seemed to smile and be friendly and to talk a little bit more to each other but that was it. The guy really couldn't articulate how exactly this was girlfriend/boyfriend status.

Heh, yeah things and times have changed a lot since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I’m trying to get him to calm down about this. Don’t really know the girl or her parents, only that she lives a few blocks away and goes to the same school. I don’t think they do anything other than talk to each other at the pool and say hi when they are in groups. I can’t imagine DS has much interest in anything else either. He’s not particularly mature, but he’s definitely been getting his sh*t together a bit more over the past few months. Then again, he’s a 10 year old who will do almost anything for a pack of oreos. Anything we need to address here, or just let be? I mean, she starts middle school in 2 weeks.

You should talk to him about condoms and insist that she be on the pill.

I don’t think they make pills for 10 year old girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell that little home-wrecker she is robbing the cradle and to leave your poor baby-boy alone!

I just can’t get over the fact that a 10 year old has been getting his sh-t together for the past few months. Pure drama around these parts with the obsessions, over-reactions, and constant scrutiny.

OP here. It’s honestly been impressive. Kid is feeding the fish (almost) every day. Wet clothes from the pool go right in the washing machine. He even heated some milk up in the microwave for his little sister. Still working on getting that shoelace tying technique down, but things are really looking up for him!

Once he can tie his own shoes, the HS girls will be all over him. “And you have a fish, too?! So you’re a nurturer?”

[Anonymous]

This is totally normal. The girl is in middle school romcom land and wants a "boyfriend". She picks someone younger because older boys are creepy about girls.

It's just childhood imagination.

Be accepting, and apply the usual rules about alone time for teens.