10 yo DS has a “girlfriend” and my husband is freaking out because she’s older and a grade above him

[Anonymous]

Title says it all. I’m trying to get him to calm down about this. Don’t really know the girl or her parents, only that she lives a few blocks away and goes to the same school. I don’t think they do anything other than talk to each other at the pool and say hi when they are in groups. I can’t imagine DS has much interest in anything else either. He’s not particularly mature, but he’s definitely been getting his sh*t together a bit more over the past few months. Then again, he’s a 10 year old who will do almost anything for a pack of oreos. Anything we need to address here, or just let be? I mean, she starts middle school in 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

This is not typical for a 10 year old boy entering 5th grade. I do think elementary school kids play around this language and the idea of romantically "liking" each other. It can be normal but the whole thing should just not be entertained at all. I would say to him at your age it's normal to start having crushes, but it's too young to think about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. And then just don't indulge it at all. Hopefully he does not have a phone but if he has access to text on an ipad, make sure there is no communicating happening between them.

[Anonymous]

Not normal. I’d be concerned. Maybe encourage time with friends and avoid this girl.

[Anonymous]

A girl entering 6th grade can be close to 12. And most of the girls entering 6th grade are LIGHT YEARS ahead of the boys. Beyond. I have a daughter this age. The whole thing sounds really weird to be honest this girl would even notice your 10 year old son.

Have you verified this with an outside person or source that this girl thinks she is your son's "girlfriend"?

[Anonymous]

Get him a vasectomy, he can reverse it when he’s ready for marriage.

[Anonymous]

I noticed this in 5th grade too. I asked DS what having a "gf" entailed, and I still have no idea. They didn't eat together at lunch , didn't play together at recess, didn't get together outside of school unless it happened to be with other friends. He had one for all of 3 weeks before he decided it was dumb.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him what it means to have a girlfriend/be a boyfriend. Ask her what he likes about her. And then really listen. This relationship is likely short term and meaningless, but you want to make sure he feels comfortable talking to you about these issues. And that means no freaking out or jumping to conclusions.

[Anonymous]

My experience is this kind of fake dating (they don't even really speak much) begins in middle school. Which is 6th or 7th grade. And all of them are not doing it. Some are. It's an age where they are desperately wanting to seem independent and older and they are just trying on all of it to see how it feels. I think 10 is very young for this.

I would not freak out but I would have a conversation with him about it and just let him know it's early to be thinking about all of this. But non-judgmental and open. Calling it a "relationship" is a stretch. A lot of these kids are just going along with the peer group or doing this to fit in and the whole thing makes them uncomfortable. Even in early middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience is this kind of fake dating (they don't even really speak much) begins in middle school. Which is 6th or 7th grade. And all of them are not doing it. Some are. It's an age where they are desperately wanting to seem independent and older and they are just trying on all of it to see how it feels. I think 10 is very young for this.

I would not freak out but I would have a conversation with him about it and just let him know it's early to be thinking about all of this. But non-judgmental and open. Calling it a "relationship" is a stretch. A lot of these kids are just going along with the peer group or doing this to fit in and the whole thing makes them uncomfortable. Even in early middle school.

OP here. Yeah, that’s my intuition. Bottom line is we’re going on vacation next week and then the back to school scramble begins. I’m 100% confident that whatever “relationship” this is will just fizzle out, if it was even there to begin with. But I do think it’s worth starting a conversation about friendships vs “relationships” and how the latter are for when kids are much older. My husband is mostly worried about the age gap and that this could be some sort of predator/abuse situation, but I just don’t see it. Definitely odd though and not what I thought I’d be dealing with over this summer break.

[Anonymous]

I think I see some kids like this around my neighborhood. 6th grade girl (about to be) and 5th grade boy.
I think it’s not a big deal.
It’s not like middle school alone, especially 6th grade, teaches them to go really fast.

As for MS/young teen/tween dating. They WILL let it play out and they will get bored and drop it in 6 months.

Then they won’t talk to each other much after that.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell that little home-wrecker she is robbing the cradle and to leave your poor baby-boy alone!

[Anonymous]

Seriously? Good luck with you people who freak out over the stupidest things. 10 year olds are usually the easiest stage of childhood. Wait until the teen years. If this is even true which I doubt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell that little home-wrecker she is robbing the cradle and to leave your poor baby-boy alone!

LOL my friend was like maybe she’s just into his shooting nerf guns while watching Big City Greens and eating utz cheese balls vibe?

[Anonymous]

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him what it means to have a girlfriend/be a boyfriend. Ask her what he likes about her. And then really listen. This relationship is likely short term and meaningless, but you want to make sure he feels comfortable talking to you about these issues. And that means no freaking out or jumping to conclusions.

This is a great answer.