Adult child doesn’t like people

[Anonymous]

Is she hiding in her room or does she hello to the group on her way out of the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is it normal for my adult child (20’s) to not spend time when we have people over?
She says she has her own life and wants to do her own thing?

Extremely normal. That being said, learning to talk to people as equal adults is a useful skill. Just let them know though, don't push them or they'll resent you.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t your adult child have their own place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why doesn’t your adult child have their own place?

Okay, judgy. Okay.

(A brief word of warning: one’s inner judge isn’t merely directed outward. Her judgement flows in all directions, including inward. For your own sake, I recommend softening her edges a bit.)

Wishing you ease, judgy one.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t expect my young 20s child to hang out with our friends (they are Our friends not hers). But she will say hello, chat a bit, and then disappear either up to her room or out with friends. Perfectly normal stuff. If you are expecting her to hang, you’re the one with a problem OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is it normal for my adult child (20’s) to not spend time when we have people over?
She says she has her own life and wants to do her own thing?

If she's secluding and "hiding" in her bedroom, that's just rude. If she's out and about, then that's typical.

Also it depends on who the people are... If it's family she better spend some time and say hello, if the people are your friends then, no she doesn't have to spend time, just say hello and leave...

[Anonymous]

My adult kids (if they are at our home) will always greet our visitors, make tea/coffee, be hospitable, hang out with them for a few minutes and then go on to do their own stuff. My kids are super popular with my friends and that is mainly because they understand that it is very small 'ask' from them to be pleasant, warm and welcoming to people.

Same principle for their work colleagues, same for college professors, same for their SO's connections, same for relatives. They are nice, welcoming, hospitable to everyone - so they get a good reaction from everyone.

[Anonymous]

It's your child. You should know why.
I have a friend whose kid never goes outside unless she makes her. Takes three hour showers, takes 2 hours to finish a meal, and can completely tune out all noises and not notice anything around her.
All normal to my friend, because that's how the child likes it and 'we are all different'.
This is a child who will be living at home with a parent. ASD and ADHD runs into family, but nobody wants to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your child. You should know why.
I have a friend whose kid never goes outside unless she makes her. Takes three hour showers, takes 2 hours to finish a meal, and can completely tune out all noises and not notice anything around her.
All normal to my friend, because that's how the child likes it and 'we are all different'.
This is a child who will be living at home with a parent. ASD and ADHD runs into family, but nobody wants to talk about it.

It's not that she doesn't want to talk about it, it's that at that level of OCD and autism, your friend can't do much and senses your judgement. If she pushes her child out the door, she might end up homeless and jobless. There is no magic pill or magic therapy for such symptoms, PP. It's not under your friend's control.

My young adult son is on the spectrum, and has the tendencies you describe. It gets worse whenever he's extra anxious. We tolerate what we cannot change and we push him to live as normal a life as he possible can: right now he's doing well in college. Hopefully he won't be fired from too many jobs. He will never be normal. But we hope he will be financially independent, which means acting like a reasonable human being during normal business hours, and masking as much as he can. It's funny to me that parents of SN kids on the SN forum are all up in arms about the ethics of masking (it's not fair to their kids, because it implies that their diagnoses are shameful). I can only assume their kids are very young, or their needs a very mild. At a certain age and level of neurodivergence, you realize that unless your kid has a large trust fund, they will need to work extremely hard to fit in as much as it's possible for them to do.

And sadly for some of them, it's not in their power.

So please be nice to your friend. She's in a no-win situation.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is it normal for my adult child (20’s) to not spend time when we have people over?
She says she has her own life and wants to do her own thing?

Normal, especially if she wants to go out with her own friends and does so on a regular basis.

It's not normal for a 20 something to want to stay home and socialize with the parents friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is it normal for my adult child (20’s) to not spend time when we have people over?
She says she has her own life and wants to do her own thing?

If this interaction is important for you, try to bribe her.

[Anonymous]

Your adult child doesn’t want to hang out with her parents’ friends.

She might have a good reason. Or it’s just normal and she wants to spend time with people her own age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is it normal for my adult child (20’s) to not spend time when we have people over?
She says she has her own life and wants to do her own thing?

If this interaction is important for you, try to bribe her.

Hi, Dad.