Almost 6 year old gets upset when we sing or dance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s not typical to need to helicopter dressing at 9. Many ADHD kids do need scaffolding at that age, but typical kids do not. And with TV I think it is typical for kids to selectively hear your when watching at age 9, but it is a sort of active ignoring of the inevitable ask to turn off the TV or do their chores or whatever.

I don’t think you specified whether the distress at dancing/singing is only in the car? If only in the car I might think it is a quirk…if everywhere I think you might want to schedule an assessment, as it sounds like he’s got a couple things going on that alone are not at all concerning, but together might indicate he’s got something going on.

He’s 5, almost 6 (not 9) so I’m not sure if that changes your opinion?

[Anonymous]

I'd definitely avoid movies and TV for a while if he and his younger sibling are 5 or younger. It's not useful for them anyway.

Does it matter if the signing is in tune? Like a professional? Or the sounds of a soft well tuned piano? With perfect pitch it can actually be painful to listen to people singing off-key, like nails on a chalkboard.

Start with the pediatrician and ask if there are other things to be looking out for. Also maybe the school for early assessment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

I may try to bring headphones in the car and see if that changes things - thank you for the suggestion. And yeah, at first I tried to make him just deal with it but when I saw just how upset he was and when he told me it made him nervous (when we talked about it a few hours later at home) and I didn’t listen to him when he asked me to stop, I just felt so bad. Just this morning when I was trying to get him upstairs to brush his teeth (and he said he didn’t want to), I told him if he didn’t go upstairs right now, I’d start dancing - that made him move so quickly! So I’m not sure if this is just a quirk and he’ll outgrow it or if this is the start of something bigger that may be going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

You disagree and then you just repead what I said which is "you work with them." Some of you just really like to see your own words and hear yourself talk.

Also, unless you have a kid with autism, please refrain from giving advice to those of us who do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

I may try to bring headphones in the car and see if that changes things - thank you for the suggestion. And yeah, at first I tried to make him just deal with it but when I saw just how upset he was and when he told me it made him nervous (when we talked about it a few hours later at home) and I didn’t listen to him when he asked me to stop, I just felt so bad. Just this morning when I was trying to get him upstairs to brush his teeth (and he said he didn’t want to), I told him if he didn’t go upstairs right now, I’d start dancing - that made him move so quickly! So I’m not sure if this is just a quirk and he’ll outgrow it or if this is the start of something bigger that may be going on.

Does he have any other sensory issues? Does he insist on wearing clothes with no tags for example? Does he have any food sensitivities? How does he communicate and play with others?

All of those things paint a much better picture of what you might be dealing with. Regardless, I would absolutely bring this up with the pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Sorry - didn't see where OP said the boy was on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Sorry - didn't see where OP said the boy was on the spectrum.

She didn't, admittedly. However, you can't assume that there is no underlying issue causing this behavior either. I tent not use "just get over it" in parenting, even with neurotypical kids though.

[Anonymous]

*tend not to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

You disagree and then you just repead what I said which is "you work with them." Some of you just really like to see your own words and hear yourself talk.

Also, unless you have a kid with autism, please refrain from giving advice to those of us who do.

But I do have a kid with autism. Possibly more than one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s not typical to need to helicopter dressing at 9. Many ADHD kids do need scaffolding at that age, but typical kids do not. And with TV I think it is typical for kids to selectively hear your when watching at age 9, but it is a sort of active ignoring of the inevitable ask to turn off the TV or do their chores or whatever.

I don’t think you specified whether the distress at dancing/singing is only in the car? If only in the car I might think it is a quirk…if everywhere I think you might want to schedule an assessment, as it sounds like he’s got a couple things going on that alone are not at all concerning, but together might indicate he’s got something going on.

He’s 5, almost 6 (not 9) so I’m not sure if that changes your opinion?

My gosh, yes! I’m sorry. I don’t know where I got 9. This sounds much more typical for 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

You disagree and then you just repead what I said which is "you work with them." Some of you just really like to see your own words and hear yourself talk.

Also, unless you have a kid with autism, please refrain from giving advice to those of us who do.

Ah yes your one child makes you an autism expert, nobody could possibly know anything unless they birthed one. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

You disagree and then you just repead what I said which is "you work with them." Some of you just really like to see your own words and hear yourself talk.

Also, unless you have a kid with autism, please refrain from giving advice to those of us who do.

Ah yes your one child makes you an autism expert, nobody could possibly know anything unless they birthed one. 🙄

Are you the one who said he should be told to just get over it? If so, you really should refrain from giving ANYONE parenting advice.

And my one child makes me as much of an expert as anyone else drawing from experience of raising a child/ren on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The music could be soft or not even playing and he still gets upset about the dancing. And then I’ll stop dancing but his little sister will start swaying her head back and forth (dancing) in her car seat and he freaks out about that too.

Honestly, I'd tell him to get over it. We don't live in ... wherever Footloose was located, where dancing was illegal. People dance. People sing. He doesn't have to watch, he can have headphones, but he can't interrupt other people enjoying these activities. That's unacceptable behavior.

I wish it were that simple for kids on the spectrum. They don't just get over stuff like this. You work with them and their sensitivities.

Disagree. You work on tolerating discomfort. Of course, he can close his eyes and/or use headphones if it bothers him. What he cannot do is dictate other peoples behavior and preferences.

It’s not good to give any kid, ND or not, that level of control over the family. It can spiral.

And yes, I have a kid for whom this applies.

You disagree and then you just repead what I said which is "you work with them." Some of you just really like to see your own words and hear yourself talk.

Also, unless you have a kid with autism, please refrain from giving advice to those of us who do.

Ah yes your one child makes you an autism expert, nobody could possibly know anything unless they birthed one. 🙄

Are you the one who said he should be told to just get over it? If so, you really should refrain from giving ANYONE parenting advice.

And my one child makes me as much of an expert as anyone else drawing from experience of raising a child/ren on the spectrum.

No I’m not.

Your one child makes you an expert on your ONE child.