Elder attorney told family that memory care is a scam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

We did for 4 years. It’s no longer tenable and not fair to the one childless sibling who has provided the bulk of the care.

I did it for a year. It was a nightmare. There was no money for help. I basically couldn't leave the house and it was 24-7 care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

We did for 4 years. It’s no longer tenable and not fair to the one childless sibling who has provided the bulk of the care.

I did it for a year. It was a nightmare. There was no money for help. I basically couldn't leave the house and it was 24-7 care.

And, you didn't do it, your sibling did. Why didn't you help more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

And people are usually packed in it because they are a danger to themselves and others. My dad would have killed someone (and himself) on the road in his car he forgot how to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, what is this attorney offering as an alternative for people with dementia? I mean, my mother is bored in memory care, but she is well taken care of and safe. The alternatives are her living with us and me quitting my job (because she cannot be alone and cannot just chill even for 30 minutes,) AND getting care or f/t care at home which is more expensive. She was kicked out of assisted living for dementia behaviors. I suppose I could just put her in an apartment and allow her to die through starvation; poisoning; getting lost, burning down the apartment....? This is someone who is unable to use a phone, much less care for herself.

The alternative proposed was a traditional Medicaid funded nursing home, but at least the one in the town nearby has said they can’t provide safe care due to mobility/roaming. They don’t have the safety measures memory facilities have, nor the staff to deal with the level of challenges parent has.

Have tried paid at home caregivers, and they are hard to find in their area and very unreliable. Frequently sibling gets calls to come back home or caregiver doesn’t even show. Left alone, parent will wander, and it’s a rural area where they could get lost quickly. Would often be found looking for their guns at a neighbor’s house (since they had been removed). Sibling is basically a prisoner in their home as much as the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would find a new attorney. Memory care is essential for some. Even the most patient caregiver can become abusive or suicidal dealing with the 24 seven demands of someone with severe dementia.

+1. Does your attorney also think daycare for young children is a "scam"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

We did for 4 years. It’s no longer tenable and not fair to the one childless sibling who has provided the bulk of the care.

I did it for a year. It was a nightmare. There was no money for help. I basically couldn't leave the house and it was 24-7 care.

And, you didn't do it, your sibling did. Why didn't you help more?

We have young children and do not live in the area. Offered to split time with the parent in our home but offer was refused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would find a new attorney. Memory care is essential for some. Even the most patient caregiver can become abusive or suicidal dealing with the 24 seven demands of someone with severe dementia.

+1. Does your attorney also think daycare for young children is a "scam"?

Ha probably…scam for dumb parents who think both parents should able to have jobs.

[Anonymous]

Assisted living/nursing home will put him in memory care anyway. It’s too unsafe to have them on regular floor, they are a flight risk. Even if immobile, they need special care due to incompetence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to go look at them and decide. You don't get medicaid if you have money so I odn't know why you are asking about medicaid.

Correct, we assumed we’d have to self pay until the money ran out. Another sibling made the appointment. I think they were trying to figure out if there was anything they needed to do now in terms of home ownership for when the time came for Medicaid (if parents doesn’t pass before that). Siblings are not trying to preserve wealth for their inheritance. They don’t care about that and just want what’s best for parent.

[Anonymous]

My Dad is an engineer that often consults on luxury homes gone wrong. Shutting their doors won't protect them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

What is your solution? And don’t say it is a family member staying at home with the parent 24-7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

I see we found the senior citizen in our midst. Try again.
Memory care is a prison for the caretaker/ person providing it.

A decent Memory care facility is a safe, low stress place for a person experiencing the later stages of dementia.
I recommend smaller residential homes with a max of 8 patients and a regular rotation of caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Memory care is like prison. You should try to avoid putting your parent into it.

Sometimes it is literally the only option as no other setting is equipped to deal with patients who become violent and are dangerous to others and themselves.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


And, you didn't do it, your sibling did. Why didn't you help more?


We have young children and do not live in the area. Offered to split time with the parent in our home but offer was refused.


I seriously doubt that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:


And, you didn't do it, your sibling did. Why didn't you help more?


We have young children and do not live in the area. Offered to split time with the parent in our home but offer was refused.


[b]I seriously doubt that[b].

NP. I believe her because I’ve been there.

I knew that I couldn’t do 24/7. DH, two teens, and I were living in a 2 br 1 ba apt when my dad needed full time care. We couldn’t move him in and we couldn’t move to a bigger place. I offered to provide care from 4 pm on Friday until 6 AM on Sunday if my childless siblings could split the remainder. Dad and siblings weren’t interested. So he went into care