Do you ever stop being the black sheep

[Anonymous]

Yes, similar situation. You gotta just laugh. Don’t cut off your family. Every family has warts but they’re family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we're meant to believe they are telling you to get it together for absolutely no reason?

Sure op.

Yea, OP, I’m skeptical too. You can’t be telling the whole story.

One of our kids had a terrible time in high school — drugs, bad boyfriends, terrible grades, mental health issues, treated us like shit, took 7 years to graduate from college with a 2.1 GPA, spent several years woefully underemployed, you name it — was in every way the black sheep. But she eventually got her act together and now in her mid 30s has a masters degree and a very good job.

There’s zero talk of her needing to get her act together because she HAS. It’s as if the past never happened. We will laugh about it together from time to time and that’s it.

There are two sides to every story. If your family is still telling you to get your act together, then your act isn’t together. What are you not telling us?

[Anonymous]

Probably OP still enjoys adult beverages more than he should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we're meant to believe they are telling you to get it together for absolutely no reason?

Sure op.

Yea, OP, I’m skeptical too. You can’t be telling the whole story.

One of our kids had a terrible time in high school — drugs, bad boyfriends, terrible grades, mental health issues, treated us like shit, took 7 years to graduate from college with a 2.1 GPA, spent several years woefully underemployed, you name it — was in every way the black sheep. But she eventually got her act together and now in her mid 30s has a masters degree and a very good job.

There’s zero talk of her needing to get her act together because she HAS. It’s as if the past never happened. We will laugh about it together from time to time and that’s it.

There are two sides to every story. If your family is still telling you to get your act together, then your act isn’t together. What are you not telling us?

NP. Some people are jerks and not every family is like yours.

[Anonymous]

I’m 57 and the youngest of seven and they still treat me like I’m a little kid.

For example, we went boating, and my husband used to live on the water with a boat. We decided it would be nice just to take like a 30 minutes boat ride without everybody and my oldest brother came over to me and said you guys can’t go out by yourselves. Like what?

I have 1 million examples like this.

[Anonymous]

Nope, op you don't. I did none of what you did; I was a model child, a model young adult, and am now a perfect, caring, 50-ish daughter.
My mom hates me, and she will hate me forever. I can't do anything right.
It might have nothing to do with your behavior in HS; you are just a scapegoat in a narcissistic parent family. Your siblings are ripping you apart because if it is not you, it will be them.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm in the same boat at almost 44. Except I was a complete dream of a teenage child, never messed up. Had some fun in college, nothing crazy, but they act like I was this huge wild child. Have a great job and husband now and they act like I'm some delinquent.

They are starting to treat my DD the same way because of things years ago where she was like 6 years old and had temper tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. Childhood family dynamics are practically set in stone for life.

I'm not judging you, but in the families I know, even if the children grow up to be financially successful, if they had messy lives as children, they still have messy lives as adults, and perhaps this is what your siblings are commenting on.

Ex: my husband has ADHD. He had a volatile childhood and was definitely the headstrong, getting-into-trouble type. His siblings recount hair-raising stories of what he did. His parents punished him for being "the bad boy". Now he's wealthy, and still leads a messy life. I married him when he was a struggling guy, and now he's worth 20M. As his wife, I tolerate his inattention, habitual tardiness and mercurial character as best as I can. ADHD doesn't go away just because you become rich, have a nice house and a spouse and kids.

Your example is very much like my sibling. They had a very volatile childhood. There were just SO SO many stories and instances of craziness that my nuclear family, as well as my extended family, can't get over it. In some ways, I think my other sibling, my parents, and I all have PTSD from it all. Sibling hasn't really acknowledged how wild they were or how my parents spent 99% of their attention on them instead of their other kids, their marriage or their jobs. I think some sort of acknowledgement would go a long way. I personally never talk about it or think much about my sibling, and have worked through it in therapy.

Some of the stories are a lot of fun to talk about and they eclipse everything that's happened since. Why talk about Larla's boring job/life now, when we could talk about the time Larla went joyriding at aged 8 and had multiple cop cars following her on chase? Or the time they tried to go rock climbing up the exterior fireplace chimney and pulled the entire chimney stack down off grandpa's house? Or the time they ran away from home at aged 4 and weren't found for 2 days? (Home was a very happy home too! No abuse or dysfunction)

[Anonymous]

As 13:28 mentioned though the narrative is often controlled by the person talking and behaving. You could have been a great child, but someone else doesn't see you as such and you are labeled problem for life or vice versa with the golden child. It's not just about adhd or introversion or whatever issue you had as a child that stays with you, but just the interpretation of the person narrating. They just see you in a sort of way that fits their world view.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy. Also, 2m is not that impressive here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy. Also, 2m is not that impressive here.

Oh!! So OP deserves to be mistreated because 2M isn’t impressive! Aren’t you just a lovely human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy. Also, 2m is not that impressive here.

NP. You’re not that impressive and you suck.

[Anonymous]

Never.

If you don’t fit in, you don’t fit in.

Just be yourself

[Anonymous]

In my experience the golden child tries to tear down the nearest competition.