DH turned his emotional abuse and screaming on DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So.e shelters let you bring your pet

In the morning I’m going to see if the dog’s boarding place has any openings for the week to buy some time so I can at least get DD to a friend’s and me to a hotel or something like that.

If you have the money for it, all three of you can stay in a hotel together (you, DD, and dog).

[Anonymous]

Have you tried calling a hot line? I agree you need to figure out your priorities. Don’t spend money on boarding your dog. Leave it or surrender it or get your daughter out of there at least while you make your plans. I would try a hot line first.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the pity party. Which sounds harsh but getting caught in the mentality of "I'm a bad mom" "I failed her" etc will do nothing except cause more inaction. Yep, fine, you messed up. But you can't go back and change things so the only thing you can do is move forward.

1. You can't afford the dog. I'm sorry and I would be sobbing if I had to give up my dog. But the reality is every single penny you have needs to be put into getting you and your daughter into a safe situation. And dog food, vet, and all the other dog expenses are not a luxury you can have. If your husband treats the dog fine, the dog stays with him.

2. You call a hotline. Now. No putting it off. That's where the pity party prevents you from acting.

3. If you have joint expenses right now, use them to go stay in a hotel for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop with the pity party. Which sounds harsh but getting caught in the mentality of "I'm a bad mom" "I failed her" etc will do nothing except cause more inaction. Yep, fine, you messed up. But you can't go back and change things so the only thing you can do is move forward.

1. You can't afford the dog. I'm sorry and I would be sobbing if I had to give up my dog. But the reality is every single penny you have needs to be put into getting you and your daughter into a safe situation. And dog food, vet, and all the other dog expenses are not a luxury you can have. If your husband treats the dog fine, the dog stays with him.

2. You call a hotline. Now. No putting it off. That's where the pity party prevents you from acting.

3. If you have joint expenses right now, use them to go stay in a hotel for a week.

Harsh. But fair.

[Anonymous]

Leave the dog. Your DD has to come first. Don’t stay there because you can’t find a place to take the dog. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop with the pity party. Which sounds harsh but getting caught in the mentality of "I'm a bad mom" "I failed her" etc will do nothing except cause more inaction. Yep, fine, you messed up. But you can't go back and change things so the only thing you can do is move forward.

1. You can't afford the dog. I'm sorry and I would be sobbing if I had to give up my dog. But the reality is every single penny you have needs to be put into getting you and your daughter into a safe situation. And dog food, vet, and all the other dog expenses are not a luxury you can have. If your husband treats the dog fine, the dog stays with him.

2. You call a hotline. Now. No putting it off. That's where the pity party prevents you from acting.

3. If you have joint expenses right now, use them to go stay in a hotel for a week.

I called the hotline. It wasn’t a great experience and I know they were doing their best and maybe I was explaining things poorly, too. It used up whatever courage I had left.

I am pulling together important documents tonight while my DD is at her sleepover and trying to get all of my financial stuff downloaded as soon as I type this update. I’m worried about that part and making sure I can screenshot and get PDFs of every possible thing.

I found a hotel for check in tomorrow through next Friday. I am working on a plan for DD to get her to her regular summer morning activity and then have a place for her to go in the afternoons that will feel normal. That is the part the hotline was not very helpful with and I’m confused about whether taking her out of the house will have legal consequences for me later.

I have access to my own credit cards but it looks like he has moved money from our joint checking account. So I think I need to be really careful with cash and plan out how I might use my credit cards. I was able to move $2k to an account he can’t touch as soon as I saw our checking so that is the cash I have, plus some emergency cash in my possession that he doesn’t know about.

There is plenty of other money in both our names that he can’t move without me approving it and the reverse is also true, so those funds are irrelevant.

The dog isn’t staying with him. I’m calling the boarding place in the morning but the backup is that he might be able to go to a friend from grad school’s house.

[Anonymous]

House of Ruth is well managed, high quality, and provides housing and services for women and their children who are victims of domestic abuse. Please contact them ASAP. https://hruth.org/get-help/shelter-options/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect example of how it is always better to separate/divorce when a marriage is bad - - most especially when children live in the home.

Because sooner or later things affect the kids.
Always.

OP >> plz do not be so hard on yourself. ❤️‍🩹
You are not a bad Mom.
It is entirely your husband’s fault that your husband treated your daughter this way!

Is there any way that you can get him to leave the home so you & your DD can resume life w/o his abuse??

You are not a bad mom. You are a person in a difficult situation and you are trying to figure out how to get out of it. You didn't "stick her" in this - your husband, who presumably co-created the kid, did (and even if he's not the bio dad, he still did).
Being a bad mom would be joining in with him or being passive. Ask me how I know (abused by dad while mom didn't do anything and still makes excuses for him).

[Anonymous]

Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Georgetown university law has a domestic violence law clinic. Students and supervisors represent clients. Perhaps they could help you with general legal advice or getting a temporary order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

Tell them that you feel unsafe. How old is your DD? Can she speak against him if needed for custody? Did you record anything ever? This is abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

You say he is in a rage, he is screaming at us and we don't know what to do, we feel unsafe. When the police come you explain DD asked if he ate her cupcake and he began raging at you with the f word, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP forget about the dog. The priority in this situation is your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect example of how it is always better to separate/divorce when a marriage is bad - - most especially when children live in the home.

Because sooner or later things affect the kids.
Always.

OP >> plz do not be so hard on yourself. ❤️‍🩹
You are not a bad Mom.
It is entirely your husband’s fault that your husband treated your daughter this way!

Is there any way that you can get him to leave the home so you & your DD can resume life w/o his abuse??

Well- I left my abusive ex in 2018 and now that my daughter is a teen he turned his abuse to her (not my sons). Though I have primary custody he screamed terrible things at her and told her to “go live with mom” then didn’t speak to her for months. I had to go pick up a crying sad scared 16 year old.

So- let’s continue to blame the abusers not the women who are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.