Husband asked me to spend more time with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

Does OP mean bb as in baby boy? Who knows.

Yes and it’s common on an other forum I frequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had our beautiful bb ( almost 1 month) and feel like we spent a handful of times together just us. We have been busy with bb, work, social commitments, and had family in town. Last night we hung out just us on the couch and my husband told me he missed me and we need to set aside time for just us. I asked him to clarify his needs and he said he wants time in the evenings after bb goes to bed and a date night a week. I explained to him that might be tough right now and he seemed annoyed and said I’m choosing everything else but him. I countered with twice a month date night and I see him when I see him. That made him more upset which made me upset. I want to fulfill his needs but I don’t see how I can this time in our lives. I know most marriages are rocky during the first year after a baby and I don’t want to be in the same situation. We both feel like each other is being unreasonable. Who is the unreasonable party here?

What else are you doing on Friday and Saturday nights that you can’t do a date night once a week?

What is happening in the evenings that prevents you 2 from spending time together in the evenings? Are you doing all the meal prep, meal clean up, bath, feeding and bed-time? If so, this is the time to re-balance that so that you are splitting the daily evening house and baby work, spending the same amount of time and coming together to relax for a defined period

We both had commitments. He was a groomsmen in a wedding when our bb was 2 weeks old. Then I was a bridesmaid the week after. I will be a bridesmaid again in a wedding next month. I’ve been baking desserts for small events.

We had his parents here for the 4th for a long weekend.

Spend real time. We can’t have sex yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

Dayummmm 😩

[Anonymous]

I can't get past bb. Bowing out. Good luck op with whatever it was you were seeking to have validated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past bb. Bowing out. Good luck op with whatever it was you were seeking to have validated.

It just means baby boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had our beautiful bb ( almost 1 month) and feel like we spent a handful of times together just us. We have been busy with bb, work, social commitments, and had family in town. Last night we hung out just us on the couch and my husband told me he missed me and we need to set aside time for just us. I asked him to clarify his needs and he said he wants time in the evenings after bb goes to bed and a date night a week. I explained to him that might be tough right now and he seemed annoyed and said I’m choosing everything else but him. I countered with twice a month date night and I see him when I see him. That made him more upset which made me upset. I want to fulfill his needs but I don’t see how I can this time in our lives. I know most marriages are rocky during the first year after a baby and I don’t want to be in the same situation. We both feel like each other is being unreasonable. Who is the unreasonable party here?

What else are you doing on Friday and Saturday nights that you can’t do a date night once a week?

What is happening in the evenings that prevents you 2 from spending time together in the evenings? Are you doing all the meal prep, meal clean up, bath, feeding and bed-time? If so, this is the time to re-balance that so that you are splitting the daily evening house and baby work, spending the same amount of time and coming together to relax for a defined period

We both had commitments. He was a groomsmen in a wedding when our bb was 2 weeks old. Then I was a bridesmaid the week after. I will be a bridesmaid again in a wedding next month. I’ve been baking desserts for small events.

We had his parents here for the 4th for a long weekend.

Spend real time. We can’t have sex yet.

How can you have the strength to honor these commitments but not to have date night on e a week. Unless there is a financial issue here, I am not sure why you are negotiating this.

Why is it difficult for you to go out with your DH once a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

Dayummmm 😩

[Anonymous]

OP, did your DH intend to plan the date night, including finding reliable childcare? If so, enjoy. If he was adding it to your to-do list, then I agree that is a hard no.

[Anonymous]

Red flag #1... just so you know this is just the beginning of red flags. Many will say, how did you not see all the red flags when you are dating. Well, they didn't exist. But now he is already complaining that he isn't getting enough attention after the baby was born.

That is Red Flag #1... but you will bend over backward to accommodate him, it won't be enough, he will ask for more and more and more.

You will stupidly have baby #2. The red flags will be on fire.

Welcome to the hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flag #1... just so you know this is just the beginning of red flags. Many will say, how did you not see all the red flags when you are dating. Well, they didn't exist. But now he is already complaining that he isn't getting enough attention after the baby was born.

That is Red Flag #1... but you will bend over backward to accommodate him, it won't be enough, he will ask for more and more and more.

You will stupidly have baby #2. The red flags will be on fire.

Welcome to the hell.

Because she's baking desserts for other events. And whatever other trivial BS she deems more important, it doesn't appear to be the baby.

[Anonymous]

It is reasonable for him to say that it's been a busy month and he wants to prioritize spending time together.

Do you disagree with that factual statement?

I think it's unreasonable to put this on you like it's a problem you've created. You have a 1mo baby and have had family in town. It is totally normal for both of your attention to be fractured, sleep deprivation feeling isolating/alienating, etc. That is part of the adjustment to parenting.

One thing that improves the adjustment is making sure that you are prioritizing spending time with your partner. That doesn't have to always come at the expense of other activities, but sometimes, it might, and that's okay.

[Anonymous]

LOL this guy is already not getting enough attention and he is only a month in. Prepare for him to go into complete freefall soon.

[Anonymous]

Who is busy with work right now? Who is working when baby is less than 4 weeks old - how did you all divide up maternity/paternity leave or do you not have any?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flag #1... just so you know this is just the beginning of red flags. Many will say, how did you not see all the red flags when you are dating. Well, they didn't exist. But now he is already complaining that he isn't getting enough attention after the baby was born.

That is Red Flag #1... but you will bend over backward to accommodate him, it won't be enough, he will ask for more and more and more.

You will stupidly have baby #2. The red flags will be on fire.

Welcome to the hell.

Because she's baking desserts for other events. And whatever other trivial BS she deems more important, it doesn't appear to be the baby.

Lord forbid a woman have a life. We have a stage 5 clinger here.

[Anonymous]

Wait so he has offered to find a babysitter and plan a date once a week for a 1-month-old?