Husband asked me to spend more time with him

[Anonymous]

We had our beautiful bb ( almost 1 month) and feel like we spent a handful of times together just us. We have been busy with bb, work, social commitments, and had family in town. Last night we hung out just us on the couch and my husband told me he missed me and we need to set aside time for just us. I asked him to clarify his needs and he said he wants time in the evenings after bb goes to bed and a date night a week. I explained to him that might be tough right now and he seemed annoyed and said I’m choosing everything else but him. I countered with twice a month date night and I see him when I see him. That made him more upset which made me upset. I want to fulfill his needs but I don’t see how I can this time in our lives. I know most marriages are rocky during the first year after a baby and I don’t want to be in the same situation. We both feel like each other is being unreasonable. Who is the unreasonable party here?

[Anonymous]

On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

Divorce mom, new story, trying to shake it up.

[Anonymous]

YOU, YOU are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

Does OP mean bb as in baby boy? Who knows.

[Anonymous]

You’re both exhausted. This is the hardest time. Right now no one’s needs are getting met. Tell him you love him and you miss him too. And that together you’re going to get through this. I think it’s hard for guys sometimes to make this adjustment because they’re not as biologically/hormonally involved in this phase. Tell him you’re healing and just sitting with him is so important for you right now.

The rest will come in time.

I thought we were gonna get divorced the first three months! Everyone needs to sleep more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On this board we don't write "bb" for baby. It's DS for son and DD for daughter.

You could have said, "I would LOVE to spend an hour each night just hanging out with you!" and then tried to do that. Instead you just said no and were very negative.

Write whatever you want, and ignore this language harpy.

[Anonymous]

Team husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re both exhausted. This is the hardest time. Right now no one’s needs are getting met. Tell him you love him and you miss him too. And that together you’re going to get through this. I think it’s hard for guys sometimes to make this adjustment because they’re not as biologically/hormonally involved in this phase. Tell him you’re healing and just sitting with him is so important for you right now.

The rest will come in time.

I thought we were gonna get divorced the first three months! Everyone needs to sleep more

Ps no sex until doc clears you and use multiple birth control methods- your cervix is still super open and your uterus is still shrinking/healing.

[Anonymous]

Everyone Is unreasonable. You have a one month old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had our beautiful bb ( almost 1 month) and feel like we spent a handful of times together just us. We have been busy with bb, work, social commitments, and had family in town. Last night we hung out just us on the couch and my husband told me he missed me and we need to set aside time for just us. I asked him to clarify his needs and he said he wants time in the evenings after bb goes to bed and a date night a week. I explained to him that might be tough right now and he seemed annoyed and said I’m choosing everything else but him. I countered with twice a month date night and I see him when I see him. That made him more upset which made me upset. I want to fulfill his needs but I don’t see how I can this time in our lives. I know most marriages are rocky during the first year after a baby and I don’t want to be in the same situation. We both feel like each other is being unreasonable. Who is the unreasonable party here?

What else are you doing on Friday and Saturday nights that you can’t do a date night once a week?

What is happening in the evenings that prevents you 2 from spending time together in the evenings? Are you doing all the meal prep, meal clean up, bath, feeding and bed-time? If so, this is the time to re-balance that so that you are splitting the daily evening house and baby work, spending the same amount of time and coming together to relax for a defined period

[Anonymous]

There’s a great book called the fourth trimester. You can probably find it on Kindle and read on your phone.

[Anonymous]

This won’t end well for the both of you - three including baby if you both don’t compromise.

Also, since I’m sure the baby was planned - Were there any discussions or plans made for post pregnancy date nites and frequency?

If not- please revisit now that the baby is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had our beautiful bb ( almost 1 month) and feel like we spent a handful of times together just us. We have been busy with bb, work, social commitments, and had family in town. Last night we hung out just us on the couch and my husband told me he missed me and we need to set aside time for just us. I asked him to clarify his needs and he said he wants time in the evenings after bb goes to bed and a date night a week. I explained to him that might be tough right now and he seemed annoyed and said I’m choosing everything else but him. I countered with twice a month date night and I see him when I see him. That made him more upset which made me upset. I want to fulfill his needs but I don’t see how I can this time in our lives. I know most marriages are rocky during the first year after a baby and I don’t want to be in the same situation. We both feel like each other is being unreasonable. Who is the unreasonable party here?

You posted the same thing not too long ago.

[Anonymous]

If you had to ask him to “clarify his needs” you’re already in trouble.