HELP - just realized my 7-year-old boy is searching YouTube for naked girls

[Anonymous]

You say it's not appropriate for young children to look at inappropriate things on the internet. You can say that the internet has very grown up things, some of which are real, and some of which are not. And, that it's very difficult for some grownups, let alone children, to figure out which is real and which is not. And that sometimes when children see things they shouldn't, they get those images stuck in their heads and think that's what they should see in their own life, when what they saw isn't real or healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sick. I know it's natural for kids to be curious but I think he's way too young for this. He's not at all interested in girls at school (but of course, they are children, not women).

Also - I've uninstalled YouTube from our Chromecast, but does anyone know how I can keep him from reinstalling it?

Congrats. He is straight!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make a huge deal about it at age 7. This was likely unsupervised internet access and the youtube algorithms sending the kid deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. There is nothing wrong or troubling about the kid. It's the nature of the internet and the insidiousness of algorithms. I'd look at it as parental negligence and a failure to be aware of reality when you put a little kid on a screen unsupervised. Curiosity and internet algorithms will send every kid in that direction. But there is nothing wrong with the kid. You're just going to have to have a very early discussion about what's appropriate and what's not. Which I don't envy. But the kid did nothing wrong, and that needs to be stressed when you have your chat.

[Anonymous]

There’s a book called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures. It’s a good way to open the porn discussion with kids and has a lot of resources for parents at the back. This is a great resource as well:

https://www.defendyoungminds.com/

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Call me crazy, but this would not concern me at all.

If I recall correctly, most DC elementary school students take "health" classes where the physical differences between boys' and girls' bodies are discussed beginning at about second grade. It is totally appropriate for a seven-year-old boy to be curious about those differences. And based on the search terms you added above, it's pretty clear that your son wasn't intentionally looking for anything sexual or exploitive.

I think it's important not to make your child feel that his curiosity about the anatomy of the opposite gender is shameful or inappropriate. If it were my child, I would probably let him know that most computers automatically save all search queries, so you can see that he was trying to find images of naked girls. Reassure him that his curiosity is normal and appropriate, and you would be happy to answer any questions he has. You could also ask to take him to the library or look on Amazon for books that might help him understand how boys' and girls' bodies are different.

Then, point out that searching online isn't the best way for him to explore this particular topic because some of the videos of naked people on the internet are appropriate for adults, but not for kids, and some might not be appropriate or healthy for anyone. If he asks why or seems confused, you can point to other familiar things (like driving a car, buying a house, drinking alcohol, and making babies that are not inherently bad; they're just not appropriate for kids his age.

I am not familiar with the book mentioned by a prior poster, but I would be disinclined to raise the subject of pornography or sexualized photos of girls with a seven-year-old. Save that for late elementary or middle school, AFTER your son starts asking questions that are clearly about sexuality rather than anatomy.

Why not go there preemptively, to help him understand what makes certain kinds of nudity acceptable and other kinds of nudity harmful or exploitive? Because most seven-year-olds understand gender, and some have been told how human babies are made, but I've never met a seven-year-old who understood sexuality. If a boy doesn't understand sexuality, how could he possibly understand sexual gratification, objectification, or exploitation? By going there prematurely, you are more likely to scare him than teach healthy boundaries.

Here's an example. At around age 7, one of my daughter's friends was inadvertently exposed to porn (and probably some through-the-walls intercourse) while visiting her single father and his girlfriend. It was traumatic for her, but she never mentioned it to either of her parents. Months later, while at my house for a playdate, she left behind a notebook that contained age-inappropriate and extremely anxious musings of a sexual nature. Of course I shared it with the girl's mother, who investigated and later spoke with the child. The child cried and confessed that she was scared that she "might have to do stuff like that someday."

In other words, handle your son's search in a matter-of-fact way that makes him feel comfortable expressing his curiosity. That way, maybe he will be comfortable letting you know (directly or indirectly) when he is ready to know more.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call me crazy, but this would not concern me at all.

If I recall correctly, most DC elementary school students take "health" classes where the physical differences between boys' and girls' bodies are discussed beginning at about second grade. It is totally appropriate for a seven-year-old boy to be curious about those differences. And based on the search terms you added above, it's pretty clear that your son wasn't intentionally looking for anything sexual or exploitive.

I think it's important not to make your child feel that his curiosity about the anatomy of the opposite gender is shameful or inappropriate. If it were my child, I would probably let him know that most computers automatically save all search queries, so you can see that he was trying to find images of naked girls. Reassure him that his curiosity is normal and appropriate, and you would be happy to answer any questions he has. You could also ask to take him to the library or look on Amazon for books that might help him understand how boys' and girls' bodies are different.

Then, point out that searching online isn't the best way for him to explore this particular topic because some of the videos of naked people on the internet are appropriate for adults, but not for kids, and some might not be appropriate or healthy for anyone. If he asks why or seems confused, you can point to other familiar things (like driving a car, buying a house, drinking alcohol, and making babies that are not inherently bad; they're just not appropriate for kids his age.

I am not familiar with the book mentioned by a prior poster, but I would be disinclined to raise the subject of pornography or sexualized photos of girls with a seven-year-old. Save that for late elementary or middle school, AFTER your son starts asking questions that are clearly about sexuality rather than anatomy.

Why not go there preemptively, to help him understand what makes certain kinds of nudity acceptable and other kinds of nudity harmful or exploitive? Because most seven-year-olds understand gender, and some have been told how human babies are made, but I've never met a seven-year-old who understood sexuality. If a boy doesn't understand sexuality, how could he possibly understand sexual gratification, objectification, or exploitation? By going there prematurely, you are more likely to scare him than teach healthy boundaries.

Here's an example. At around age 7, one of my daughter's friends was inadvertently exposed to porn (and probably some through-the-walls intercourse) while visiting her single father and his girlfriend. It was traumatic for her, but she never mentioned it to either of her parents. Months later, while at my house for a playdate, she left behind a notebook that contained age-inappropriate and extremely anxious musings of a sexual nature. Of course I shared it with the girl's mother, who investigated and later spoke with the child. The child cried and confessed that she was scared that she "might have to do stuff like that someday."

In other words, handle your son's search in a matter-of-fact way that makes him feel comfortable expressing his curiosity. That way, maybe he will be comfortable letting you know (directly or indirectly) when he is ready to know more.

Good luck!

Thank you for this through and thoughtful response!

[Anonymous]

Where is dad?
Both of you need to have a convo w him and supervise that screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sick. I know it's natural for kids to be curious but I think he's way too young for this. He's not at all interested in girls at school (but of course, they are children, not women).

Also - I've uninstalled YouTube from our Chromecast, but does anyone know how I can keep him from reinstalling it?

How do you know it was your child and not your husband/partner etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you mean he was searching for naked women as your title implied CSAM. If you don’t mean women, you need to disable to internet unless you are sitting right next to him. Or you’ll soon be sitting next to the FBI.

OP here - yes, I meant women.

Would a 7 year old use correct nomenclature though

[Anonymous]

Please go here and read some of Kathleen’s work: https://kathleenhema.com/

She has an online safety talk guide and a porn talk guide. She also walks through how to have the baby talk etc etc which you need to do if you haven’t. She’ll help you figure it out! You got this. Don’t go hard on him, use this as an opportunity out to build trust.

Also, my personal recommendation is no YouTube for 7 year olds even YouTube kids. They don’t need it and there is almost nothing of use or help on there. It’s mostly pretty garbage. Just remove the access completely. The parent controls don’t work and beyond even things like this kids learn so much garbage language from these prank dudes and things. Let him watch tv shows, if he wants to play games pbskids has a bunch totally appropriate for 7 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Also want to note I agree with the other poster you probably dont need Kathleen’s guide on porn - I was just giving examples that she has a lot of info on how to have these convos and what ages! She also has an Instagram and YouTube (lol)

[Anonymous]

Also will add to the pp with the long helpful post, you can normalize the curiosity and have books that in a normal way show different parts of the body - hey if you’re curious that’s normal. You can always ask mom and dad to help you understand things. Matter of factly then go through the body parts. I use this book which has drawings: https://a.co/d/dFZvP58

Most professionals also recommend having the conversation about “how babies are made” by age 7 even if your child hasn’t asked because otherwise they will hear it from others and it is better for them to have safe conversations with you, learn about their body, how it works, etc have those open convos. Kathleen has great recommendations for books on this that will also give you a lot of opportunities for these body conversations. This will serve to normalize his questions and curiosity and start a foundation of safety and trust that he can come to you instead of the internet when he has questions.

[Anonymous]

Why would you give a 7 year old access to the internet? Bad parent of the year award for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was the age I saw that my ds searched "nekid buts".

This is pretty funny. Op I would not freak out. He's curious and it's developmentally appropriate to be curious. In the 80s we just played doctor while our parents ignored us.

[Anonymous]

Smart kid