Having second thoughts

[Anonymous]

Call it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are normally very attentive to his emotional needs and moods, but you....you are female so you should smile. Just keep smiling and don't be so difficult. Not really, but that seems to be the expectation. What happens when life continues to be a series of challenges with pregnancy, raising small children, possible health challenges, aging parents etc. Compatibility is important. Will you be given room to feel and express your less cheerful thoughts?

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to say you need some time to yourself so that you can process your emotions. It's actually perfect that you don't live together yet. Some men can be more fixers than listeners so when you're around him and feeling down, he wants to help by "fixing" you, but that's not actually helping or what you want.

I would take time to yourself and only see him when you feel like you want to have fun. It's almost like you're taking a pause from being engaged and going back to dating. If you want, you can take the time and energy to explain what you need right now from him emotionally, but don't feel like you have to overextend yourself.

I wouldn't make any longterm decisions right now, such as ending the engagement or relationship, because this is such a stressful time. Work on your emotional health, put him on the back burner, and come back to things once you feel ready.

[Anonymous]

Need more details? How does he want you to perform?

Agree that this could be exhausting. Will he want you to be smiling ear to ear when you’re throwing up from morning sickness? How about when you’ve been up all night with a sick kid? Or if one of you gets laid off?

[Anonymous]

Now you know how the “in sickness and in health” is going to go with this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to my fiancé who I’ve been with for over 2 years. I was let go from my job due to DOGE a month ago and have been down and stressed out about the situation.

Normally, I am very attentive to my fiancé’s emotional needs and moods. Right now, I’m just exhausted, and I’ve asked for some grace while I figure things out for myself.

He puts me under constant pressure to perform, to look happy, be highly energetic, etc. He keeps trying to “fix” me. And keep telling him there’s nothing to fix to just let me be. He asks me what wrong every five mins.

He also keeps snapping and yelling at me for not being happy.

I am not depressed. I’m naturally an introvert and he’s an extrovert, and I just want to be with myself right now, but he won’t allow that in his presence. I have no idea how we will live together if he won’t leave me alone. I am considering calling the wedding off.

You sound very high strung and introverted.

You probably need a guy that's laid back and introverted as well, where both of you need your "alone time" apart from each other, and him being laid back to deal and cope with your high anxiety levels.

Op you do not sound high strung - if anything your bf sounds more high strung.

[Anonymous]

Your gut is screaming at you that you’re making a mistake. This man is not supportive. This man is not kind. This man does not care what YOU are going through, his only thoughts are about what you can do for him. And right now, he’s pissed that you’re focusing more on yourself than on him.

Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? This is supposed to be the easy part. The lovey dovey, head over heels part. And he’s acting like this. What about when life gets hard again? And it will. And he will treat you like a puppet that must perform for him.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be snapped at and yelled at for the remainder of your life?

If wanting kids, do you want your perfectly imperfect kids snapped and yelled at on the regular?

Life is not picture perfect. It gets messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to my fiancé who I’ve been with for over 2 years. I was let go from my job due to DOGE a month ago and have been down and stressed out about the situation.

Normally, I am very attentive to my fiancé’s emotional needs and moods. Right now, I’m just exhausted, and I’ve asked for some grace while I figure things out for myself.

He puts me under constant pressure to perform, to look happy, be highly energetic, etc. He keeps trying to “fix” me. And keep telling him there’s nothing to fix to just let me be. He asks me what wrong every five mins.

He also keeps snapping and yelling at me for not being happy.

I am not depressed. I’m naturally an introvert and he’s an extrovert, and I just want to be with myself right now, but he won’t allow that in his presence. I have no idea how we will live together if he won’t leave me alone. I am considering calling the wedding off.

I'm an introvert who is divorced from an extrovert. I am not saying that introvert and extrovert can't cohabitate, I am saying it's hard. My ex wife just couldn't understand that we introverts may need our own space to be with ourselves sometimes more than extroverts.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut.