Having second thoughts

[Anonymous]

I’m engaged to my fiancé who I’ve been with for over 2 years. I was let go from my job due to DOGE a month ago and have been down and stressed out about the situation.

Normally, I am very attentive to my fiancé’s emotional needs and moods. Right now, I’m just exhausted, and I’ve asked for some grace while I figure things out for myself.

He puts me under constant pressure to perform, to look happy, be highly energetic, etc. He keeps trying to “fix” me. And keep telling him there’s nothing to fix to just let me be. He asks me what wrong every five mins.

He also keeps snapping and yelling at me for not being happy.

I am not depressed. I’m naturally an introvert and he’s an extrovert, and I just want to be with myself right now, but he won’t allow that in his presence. I have no idea how we will live together if he won’t leave me alone. I am considering calling the wedding off.

[Anonymous]

Red flags. When is the wedding supposed to be?

[Anonymous]

In my experience, having been there done that- postponed the wedding or have a very nice party and just say you love each other but not quite there yet. Do not get married with doubts. It is a huge decision and hard to undo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flags. When is the wedding supposed to be?

The wedding is supposed to be next spring.

[Anonymous]

You are not a match. Be happy and grateful you found this out now instead of after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to my fiancé who I’ve been with for over 2 years. I was let go from my job due to DOGE a month ago and have been down and stressed out about the situation.

Normally, I am very attentive to my fiancé’s emotional needs and moods. Right now, I’m just exhausted, and I’ve asked for some grace while I figure things out for myself.

He puts me under constant pressure to perform, to look happy, be highly energetic, etc. He keeps trying to “fix” me. And keep telling him there’s nothing to fix to just let me be. He asks me what wrong every five mins.

He also keeps snapping and yelling at me for not being happy.

I am not depressed. I’m naturally an introvert and he’s an extrovert, and I just want to be with myself right now, but he won’t allow that in his presence. I have no idea how we will live together if he won’t leave me alone. I am considering calling the wedding off.

You sound very high strung and introverted.

You probably need a guy that's laid back and introverted as well, where both of you need your "alone time" apart from each other, and him being laid back to deal and cope with your high anxiety levels.

[Anonymous]

This is how he's going to react when you're stressed, upset, or just going through a rough time. Is that what you want in life? I imagine not. You're not a good match. Introverts and extroverts can work if they respect each other's boundaries and what the other person needs. He doesn't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to my fiancé who I’ve been with for over 2 years. I was let go from my job due to DOGE a month ago and have been down and stressed out about the situation.

Normally, I am very attentive to my fiancé’s emotional needs and moods. Right now, I’m just exhausted, and I’ve asked for some grace while I figure things out for myself.

He puts me under constant pressure to perform, to look happy, be highly energetic, etc. He keeps trying to “fix” me. And keep telling him there’s nothing to fix to just let me be. He asks me what wrong every five mins.

He also keeps snapping and yelling at me for not being happy.

I am not depressed. I’m naturally an introvert and he’s an extrovert, and I just want to be with myself right now, but he won’t allow that in his presence. I have no idea how we will live together if he won’t leave me alone. I am considering calling the wedding off.

You sound very high strung and introverted.

You probably need a guy that's laid back and introverted as well, where both of you need your "alone time" apart from each other, and him being laid back to deal and cope with your high anxiety levels.

What about OPs post indicates anxiety? Because she’s stressed about having lost her job? Maybe she’s not rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m engaged to my fiancé who I’ve been with for over 2 years. I was let go from my job due to DOGE a month ago and have been down and stressed out about the situation.

Normally, I am very attentive to my fiancé’s emotional needs and moods. Right now, I’m just exhausted, and I’ve asked for some grace while I figure things out for myself.

He puts me under constant pressure to perform, to look happy, be highly energetic, etc. He keeps trying to “fix” me. And keep telling him there’s nothing to fix to just let me be. He asks me what wrong every five mins.

He also keeps snapping and yelling at me for not being happy.

I am not depressed. I’m naturally an introvert and he’s an extrovert, and I just want to be with myself right now, but he won’t allow that in his presence. I have no idea how we will live together if he won’t leave me alone. I am considering calling the wedding off.

You sound very high strung and introverted.

You probably need a guy that's laid back and introverted as well, where both of you need your "alone time" apart from each other, and him being laid back to deal and cope with your high anxiety levels.

What about OPs post indicates anxiety?

All of it obviously.

[Anonymous]

PP is so articulate

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is trying to cheer you up. There are either posts on here from a few months ago and posters were advised to put pressure on their husbands to not mope around and to get back and to find another job and that it is fair to expect the laid off spouse to get over the job loss quickly and be a fully functioning in the family. Go back to some for the early DOGE threads and you will see a lot of advice that would match what your fiancé is doing now.

[Anonymous]

This not work. End the engagement.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut. He’s not responding to you in the way you need him to. Your partner should be a safe place to fall when the chips are down. He’s not providing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP is so articulate

Laconian.

[Anonymous]

You are normally very attentive to his emotional needs and moods, but you....you are female so you should smile. Just keep smiling and don't be so difficult. Not really, but that seems to be the expectation. What happens when life continues to be a series of challenges with pregnancy, raising small children, possible health challenges, aging parents etc. Compatibility is important. Will you be given room to feel and express your less cheerful thoughts?