If you don’t like the parents, does it impact your ability to bond with nieces/nephew?

[Anonymous]

The apples dont fall far from the tree.

My smug, entitled, pretentious and superior BIL has three kids who are exactly the same.

Maybe after they grow up and leave home they will be tolerable? I'll wait to find out.

[Anonymous]

I sent cards and packages to the kids and when they are older took hem out without the parents. Once they are old enough to have a phone, I will communicate with them more. For now I am just trying to make sure they know me and hope to build a closer relationship later.

[Anonymous]

I genuinely don’t like my SIL. I cut her out of my life recently and it has been such a huge relief. My kids are teens and are able to keep in touch with their cousins without my involvement, which is a relief since my nephews are good kids. I’m glad my kids have a close relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the particular circumstances. In my case it has actually made my closer with them because I just spend time with them, sans parents. A few spend major holidays with me — as in, instead of with their parents. Obviously there are other things going on here, but the point is that it is possible to be close with nieces/nephews despite their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you already made this about you and not the kids. You absolutely can build a relationship with them. I understand them being young but a video call can go a long way or offer to come over and tell the parents you’d like to do a special activity with the kids so the parents are off the hook for the afternoon but can still stay in the house (if you are concerned they won’t let you be alone with the kids because they are too young).

Build the relationship you want with your nieces/nephew and address your concerns with the parents. I’m pretty sure my SIL doesn’t like me and I wish she would just say it. It would actually make life so much easier. If she told me how she feels, no one has to pretend that we all need to get together on a Saturday. We can plan an activity with the kids (on their terms as parents) and that’s it. Not addressing it has meant, our kids don’t see their cousins and it’s sad.

Everyone needs to put on their big people pants and have a conversation even if it feels like conflict.

+1. My mom and her sisters had (and still have) a fraught relationship, but my aunts didn't take that out on us kids. For one aunt in particular, who married and had kids later, I think it helped that she would have us over or take us places on our own (without my mom). Not sure my mom has ever admitted it but those times were probably helpful for her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely don’t like my SIL. I cut her out of my life recently and it has been such a huge relief. My kids are teens and are able to keep in touch with their cousins without my involvement, which is a relief since my nephews are good kids. I’m glad my kids have a close relationship with them.

How did you cut out the SIL?