If you don’t like the parents, does it impact your ability to bond with nieces/nephew?

[Anonymous]

If you’re not a fan of your brother/sister/BIL/SIL does it impact your ability to bond with their children (niece or nephew)?

I’ve personally found this to be the case and struggling with it! Anyone else in the same boat. The kids are very young so it’s hard to have a relationship when you don’t want to be around their parents.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. I would love to have more of a relationship with my sister's kids, but she is not only impossible to deal with (demanding, petty, needs every gathering to revolve around her requirements, which are man, and then is irritable and angry the whole time anyway) but she also uses her kids against other family members. For instance when she is unhappy with my mom, she will cancel plans for my mom to babysit or take one of her kids out on a special planned outing.

Basically, unless you cater to my sister's every whim, you aren't allowed to see her kids. And even if you do cater to her every whim, you still might not see them or be allowed to enjoy your time with them.

I have largely accepted this. Her eldest is in college. They are all practically strangers to me. I feel sad my DD has virtually no relationship with them -- we have family friends whose kids are "like cousins" to her, which is wonderful, but it makes me sad she has actual cousins who aren't really "like cousins" to her.

Family dysfunction sucks.

[Anonymous]

I would just say to hang in there. My brother is a very difficult person - I like him, but it's hard to be with him and he has significant mental illness. And he did impact my relationship with his kids. But now they are older (18 and 21) and I have good relationships with them that do not rely on him --- I call, text and visit on my own with them so just do your best until it's easier to do without the parent.

[Anonymous]

Yes. In my case I was able to tolerate my sibling in small enough doses to bond with the kids , be there for birthdays, be the aunt who is always ready for a game when we gather for holidays and offer to babysit as they have gotten older more solo activities.

[Anonymous]

It has not affected me and my relationship with my nieces and nephews. But I typically took/take them out so I don’t have to be around parents that I don’t like. Key though is that I maintain a good relationship with everyone so no one says no when I make plans with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. How could it not?

My BIL is an incredibly difficult person. We love his kids and they are similar age to my kids so I’d love for them to have a close relationship with my kids. But it’s so hard to actually foster those relationships when BIL is so bad at communicating, so sarcastic and mean-spirited, doesn’t make it stick to plans, doesn’t really seem to like us or our kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. How could it not?

My BIL is an incredibly difficult person. We love his kids and they are similar age to my kids so I’d love for them to have a close relationship with my kids. But it’s so hard to actually foster those relationships when BIL is so bad at communicating, so sarcastic and mean-spirited, doesn’t make it stick to plans, doesn’t really seem to like us or our kids, etc.

That’s how my BIL is too so I get it! Totally arrogant and full of himself.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Of course.

[Anonymous]

I avoid my SIL so rarely see the niece. We just know of each other.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you already made this about you and not the kids. You absolutely can build a relationship with them. I understand them being young but a video call can go a long way or offer to come over and tell the parents you’d like to do a special activity with the kids so the parents are off the hook for the afternoon but can still stay in the house (if you are concerned they won’t let you be alone with the kids because they are too young).

Build the relationship you want with your nieces/nephew and address your concerns with the parents. I’m pretty sure my SIL doesn’t like me and I wish she would just say it. It would actually make life so much easier. If she told me how she feels, no one has to pretend that we all need to get together on a Saturday. We can plan an activity with the kids (on their terms as parents) and that’s it. Not addressing it has meant, our kids don’t see their cousins and it’s sad.

Everyone needs to put on their big people pants and have a conversation even if it feels like conflict.

[Anonymous]

My BIL is terrific but he’s married to a terrible terrible woman who pretty much hates everyone (including our family) so we have zero relationship with their three kids. It’s sad to me because their kids are still young but seem awesome, but there’s just no scenario where we would get to know them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not a fan of your brother/sister/BIL/SIL does it impact your ability to bond with their children (niece or nephew)?

I’ve personally found this to be the case and struggling with it! Anyone else in the same boat. The kids are very young so it’s hard to have a relationship when you don’t want to be around their parents.

I definitely did not have as close a relationship with my cousins where our parents were not on good terms. We reconnected as adults and decided not to let our parents’ hangups get in the way, but there were differences when we were growing up.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in same boat PP. SIL hasn't like me since day one, not sure why, so we rarely get o see nieces and nephews.