Friend was mean in person but still follows and likes my posts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I hung out with this friend, she was so catty and passive aggressive that I decided to not be anything other than pleasant professional acquaintances with her. I had asked her if she was upset about anything and she swore no. The things she said were somewhat hurtful and I’m not a drama queen, I gave her a chance to talk and she declined. So I didn’t unfriend her but muted her posts so I could focus on other friendships and her stuff wouldn’t be top of my algorithm anymore.

I can see she still views all my stories and likes some of my posts. This doesn’t change anything for me. I find it all very imature. Just wondering for people who are like this… what exactly is going through your mind? Why claim nothing is wrong, act really rude in person, then continue to follow or like posts by someone?

She was passive aggressive?

You sound passive aggressive AF, OP. You didn't address whatever behavior you found bothersome (which, given how overreactive and dramatic your post is was probably a total nothingburger), then you asked her if she had a problem (rather than being honest that YOU had a problem). You then claim you "gave her a chance to talk", i.e. to read your mind that you were upset despite you not actually saying anything about it, and she declined, because she's not the problem here. Now you muted her posts, which she doesn't know about, and you're upset that she's still casually interacting with your content, probably because she doesn't know what a drama queen you are. All of this because "unfriending causes drama".

Lordy, you are a mess and a half!

DP I'm fairly new to DCUM. Are you a troll or do you genuinely feel this way? Why are some of you so hostile to people like the OP? Maybe she isn't telling the full story, but it's a lot to start claiming she's the reason behind the drama.

Bro, this isn't even a DCUM thing. Have you met people? We're the reason behind most of our dramas, if we're willing to be honest about our involvement. And knowing that is the key to changing the part of it you can control: yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remove her as your friend on SM
Why didn’t you as result of her being rude & nasty?

OP here. Because I’ve learned in the past unfriending is a big deal to people. I just mute her stuff so it no longer comes up when I’m on it. No need to be dramatic and if I need to check it for something (our kids go to same school and she’s in PTA and we run in the crossing professional circles) I will keep access.

So you're the bully who follows/lurks to "keep access". Got it. Thanks for clarifying

OP. I’ve noticed some people like to switch around the blame. I actually got this woman her connection to a job and she has only been catty and unsupportive in my career goals. I am slightly older and don’t have time for drama or petty people - I’ve had mostly supportive caring friendships with women and thought this was one of them until it was not. My job is serious and I care more about public service than my social media presence.

Ah, so she owes you? She didn't kiss your ass enough? She didn't honor the invisible contract your "help" came with?

Nah, you're highlighting the problem: you.

OP. No ass kissing required. Rooting for a friend in their own professional, yes, I do expect that of middle aged women friends. I always do that for my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I hung out with this friend, she was so catty and passive aggressive that I decided to not be anything other than pleasant professional acquaintances with her. I had asked her if she was upset about anything and she swore no. The things she said were somewhat hurtful and I’m not a drama queen, I gave her a chance to talk and she declined. So I didn’t unfriend her but muted her posts so I could focus on other friendships and her stuff wouldn’t be top of my algorithm anymore.

I can see she still views all my stories and likes some of my posts. This doesn’t change anything for me. I find it all very imature. Just wondering for people who are like this… what exactly is going through your mind? Why claim nothing is wrong, act really rude in person, then continue to follow or like posts by someone?

She was passive aggressive?

You sound passive aggressive AF, OP. You didn't address whatever behavior you found bothersome (which, given how overreactive and dramatic your post is was probably a total nothingburger), then you asked her if she had a problem (rather than being honest that YOU had a problem). You then claim you "gave her a chance to talk", i.e. to read your mind that you were upset despite you not actually saying anything about it, and she declined, because she's not the problem here. Now you muted her posts, which she doesn't know about, and you're upset that she's still casually interacting with your content, probably because she doesn't know what a drama queen you are. All of this because "unfriending causes drama".

Lordy, you are a mess and a half!

DP I'm fairly new to DCUM. Are you a troll or do you genuinely feel this way? Why are some of you so hostile to people like the OP? Maybe she isn't telling the full story, but it's a lot to start claiming she's the reason behind the drama.

Bro, this isn't even a DCUM thing. Have you met people? We're the reason behind most of our dramas, if we're willing to be honest about our involvement. And knowing that is the key to changing the part of it you can control: yourself.

That's true. I'm always a bit bitter because it seems on other forums, people always sympathize with the OP, but whenever I pose questions about a situation, I get told to suck it up, and I think that's because I'm always very honest about how I could have been at fault and I explain why the other person might be right. I do think people that get a lot of sympathizers, like in Reddit's AITA sub, very much sanitize their situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

You can be "serious" about your work without being a stick-in-the-rear while socializing, and no, you don't need to use drugs to fix this situation. You do need to let go of your sense of entitlement, owed favors, how other grown adults "should" behave (according to you/to benefit you), etc. You sound really immature for someone "serious".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

Yes. They proceeded to make fun of me for taking classes in addition to work. The drugs they suggested were not SRIs, they meant like Molly. My work environment is very different than theirs and while I’d say I’m a serious professional I am not too serious in life. I do have a special needs kid and am a single mom. I don’t really care about the rest of this - I have other normal friends and don’t care about being thanked for the job… I’ve connected others before without expectations, other than civility. The thing I don’t get is why keep following my social if I’m such a bore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

Yes. They proceeded to make fun of me for taking classes in addition to work. The drugs they suggested were not SRIs, they meant like Molly. My work environment is very different than theirs and while I’d say I’m a serious professional I am not too serious in life. I do have a special needs kid and am a single mom. I don’t really care about the rest of this - I have other normal friends and don’t care about being thanked for the job… I’ve connected others before without expectations, other than civility. The thing I don’t get is why keep following my social if I’m such a bore?

She's hate following you. She probably makes fun of your posts with other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

Yes. They proceeded to make fun of me for taking classes in addition to work. The drugs they suggested were not SRIs, they meant like Molly. My work environment is very different than theirs and while I’d say I’m a serious professional I am not too serious in life. I do have a special needs kid and am a single mom. I don’t really care about the rest of this - I have other normal friends and don’t care about being thanked for the job… I’ve connected others before without expectations, other than civility. The thing I don’t get is why keep following my social if I’m such a bore?

She's hate following you. She probably makes fun of your posts with other people.

Don't feed the troll. Specifically, don't feed OP's paranoia/victim narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

Yes. They proceeded to make fun of me for taking classes in addition to work. The drugs they suggested were not SRIs, they meant like Molly. My work environment is very different than theirs and while I’d say I’m a serious professional I am not too serious in life. I do have a special needs kid and am a single mom. I don’t really care about the rest of this - I have other normal friends and don’t care about being thanked for the job… I’ve connected others before without expectations, other than civility. The thing I don’t get is why keep following my social if I’m such a bore?

And rather than confront anyone about this minor nonevent, you stealth flounced (unfollowed) but lingered to "keep access" to this person who you now spend your time and energy trashing behind her back.

And you don't see that you're the drama.

Sweetie, your "normal friends" will occasionally say things that aren't intended to harm but still don't sit well with you. Rather than playing all these headgames, investing all this time and energy in microanalysis of minor (perceived) slights, and letting people you claim to not care about live rent free in your head like this, try something productive:

1) Practice letting go of dumb shite that doesn't actually impact you/your life, even if it temporarily pokes you in the feels. Drop the rock.
2) When you realize something has upset you beyond a forgettable minor incident, learn how to pull up your big kid pants and address the party you're in contact with directly instead of playing these messed up headgames of "muting" and then gossiping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

Yes. They proceeded to make fun of me for taking classes in addition to work. The drugs they suggested were not SRIs, they meant like Molly. My work environment is very different than theirs and while I’d say I’m a serious professional I am not too serious in life. I do have a special needs kid and am a single mom. I don’t really care about the rest of this - I have other normal friends and don’t care about being thanked for the job… I’ve connected others before without expectations, other than civility. The thing I don’t get is why keep following my social if I’m such a bore?

And rather than confront anyone about this minor nonevent, you stealth flounced (unfollowed) but lingered to "keep access" to this person who you now spend your time and energy trashing behind her back.

And you don't see that you're the drama.

Sweetie, your "normal friends" will occasionally say things that aren't intended to harm but still don't sit well with you. Rather than playing all these headgames, investing all this time and energy in microanalysis of minor (perceived) slights, and letting people you claim to not care about live rent free in your head like this, try something productive:

1) Practice letting go of dumb shite that doesn't actually impact you/your life, even if it temporarily pokes you in the feels. Drop the rock.
2) When you realize something has upset you beyond a forgettable minor incident, learn how to pull up your big kid pants and address the party you're in contact with directly instead of playing these messed up headgames of "muting" and then gossiping.

OP - I think you have it backwards. I did address the person. I said, matter of factly, after trying to arrange a time for me to get something she had of mine to delayed responses (not typical of our friendship previously), I asked, “are you upset with me?” When she said no, “I said, are you sure? It seems like you’re upset about something.” She swore up and down and sideways she wasn’t, asked to go out somewhere with me, then showed up late and proceeded to act in a passive aggressive way during the entire outing.

I’m not concerned about dropping this friend. Nor about the veiled insults she and the other one lobbed at me. What my question asked was about the social media weirdness. Maybe I’m just old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

You need to grow up enough to realize you ARE the drama, hunty. There's literally no problem in this dynamic save the one you've made, mostly in your own head.

You sound paranoid. Lay off the gummies.

OP. I don’t do drugs. I think that is part of the problem, actually. The friend doesn’t like how serious I am. I am not in DC. They proceeded to make fun of me for being too serious and literally told me to do some drugs in this get together.

Wait, is that the mean passive aggressive thing they did? That doesn't sound that bad. Any other details on how they treated you?

Yes. They proceeded to make fun of me for taking classes in addition to work. The drugs they suggested were not SRIs, they meant like Molly. My work environment is very different than theirs and while I’d say I’m a serious professional I am not too serious in life. I do have a special needs kid and am a single mom. I don’t really care about the rest of this - I have other normal friends and don’t care about being thanked for the job… I’ve connected others before without expectations, other than civility. The thing I don’t get is why keep following my social if I’m such a bore?

This sounds more like teasing rather than being mean.

[Anonymous]

The issue is your clinging to the idea that unfriending this person will cause a cataclysmic shockwave through all of your social circles.

Girl, please.

No one is paying that much attention to you or anyone else. You’re reluctant to block the person who was supposedly mean to you because you want to stay relevant with her. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Give the OP a break! Not everyone is a confrontational beeotch. IMHO, you had the right approach by muting her on social media (less drama). Keep ignoring her. She doesn’t think she has done/said anything wrong. People need to remember whatever opinions pops into their brain, doesn’t necessarily need to be shared.

[Anonymous]

Mentally write her off and don’t tell her nor trust her with anything personal or important.

I guess it’s good you asked if you “did anything to upset her” since now she’s knows yours not stupid. But sounds like she said nothing in return so she’s continuing to lie, omit and act up.

That question usually gets a gaslight response or a laundry list of petty “offenses.” Rarely does it get an acknowledgment or apology.