This isn't working. I need a new plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your issue is that you are single. You brought a kid into the world single. What did you think it would be like? Where is your support system? This is most families OP but they have a significant other to help with financial, physical and logistical burdens.

DP. Not really. Spouse and I both work (and neither is big law, medicine, or such like) and we can assure everyone that being married is not a magic bullet. Yes, it is MUCH MUCH easier than single parenting, but if both parents are RTO, as we are, it is still a struggle to get DC everywhere she needs to go, to line up summer day camps for child care, to get her picked up by 5:30pm, and get food on the table. OP’s situation would not magically be awesome if married, though it would be a bit easier.

A bit? Get real. It's more than "a bit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the jerks. Start looking for a job. Government is miserable right now and will not improve until there is a party change. Even a government contractor gives you more flexibility and probably better pay.

I agree with this.

Also, OP, why did you say I can't do this three more years? Whst is it about three years? Are you near a retirement or something?

[Anonymous]

This weekend, retool your resume and make a list of potential networking contacts in your field. Next week, start looking at LinkedIn and other job sites in your field for jobs and decide to reach out to three networking contacts per week. See who can do phone calls/zooms and if they can connect you with others.

By the following week, start submitting resumes for any jobs that look promising while continuing to work your contacts. Be open to taking a bit of vacation time to handle some of these calls etc

The job market is tight but there are jobs

[Anonymous]

Working and raising kids is a grind, even when you’re married have an involved partner. I’ve had the “this isn’t working” thought a thousand times over the years. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to come up with an idea for a job that allows me to work less and make the equivalent, so I keep chugging along. I could find an easier, lower-paying job, but that would be trading one type of stress for another.

[Anonymous]

Regarding teaching:
Keep in mind the hours aren’t as child-friendly as many think, especially when you are new to the field. The school day is exhausting and overstimulating, so you won’t have as much energy for your own child at night. Night is also when you need to prepare for the following day. And if you need to take leave, you need to budget time to make plans and (in some schools) find your own substitute.

There are good reasons to consider education, but convenient timing isn’t one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom to a (donor conceived) 3 yo, HHI 145k, Fed in a health agency for about 5 years.

Yesterday was my first day back from my first vacation since RTO and all the other changes as a fed. Last night it hit me that I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to see and spend time with my kid, not be miserable, and do work related to my field/training.

I'm happy to have a job, a significant part of my office was RIF'd but my job has changed from before- using the skills and training in my field to now doing alot of admin-type work, scrambling to comply with executive orders, and constantly shifting because we loose this contract or that software. It all seems very pointless since we are just waiting for another big change within the agency anyways.

With full time RTO, mornings are now rushed. I pick my kid up later. I used to work early in the morning before he woke up for an hour so that I could pick him up earlier. Yesterday we were both so tired and in bad moods. He went to bed at 6:30 exhausted. After spending the last week together full-time while on vacation, it just made me so sad.

I could live on less, but am behind on savings. In the past, I have jumped around jobs/locations when I feel this way but now with a kid, a mortgage, significant lifestyle creep, that isn't possible.

Im trying to think about jobs in the school system but it would mean working outside of my terminal degree in health. I don't know what to do but I dont want to do this for 3 more years.

What would your severance be if you’re RIFd in the upcoming mass layoffs? Regardless, you’d need new health insurance quickly. Sounds like you may want to find a job with more flexibility (remote or hybrid). I’m at my wits end too, and would leave today, but I’ve been a fed for 15 years and I’m not giving up my severance. Too much money to leave on the table.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the jerks. You mention lifestyle creep. Could you sell your home and move into an apartment? That would (likely) be a quick way to cut expenses, making it more palatable to take a pay cut for a more flexible job/better hours. No guarantee that a flexible job won't leave you feeling like you're grinding your gears professionally as you are now, though.

Alternatively (or in addition), selling your home could give some cushion to allow hiring help for camp/school pickup and meal prep so the time you do have with you kid is not spend rushing around getting necessities taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Exhaustion is awful but normal with a toddler. But it will pass. Days are long but the years are short.

Hang in there - see if there’s on-site daycare at your office. And block two lunches a week to eat with your little guy.

But don’t quit. As a single parent, you need to work. If you get RIF’d, you qualify for severance and unemployment. If you quit, you don’t qualify for unemployment. And if you are RIF’d, you would have priority in re-hire with new administration and hopefully things are better.

And the exhaustion will get better. Five is so much easier than 3. And you can do it. You have done hard things before, I’m sure. And all hard things accomplished usually involve some tears and bad moods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the jerks. Start looking for a job. Government is miserable right now and will not improve until there is a party change. Even a government contractor gives you more flexibility and probably better pay.

I agree with this.

Also, OP, why did you say I can't do this three more years? Whst is it about three years? Are you near a retirement or something?

Pretty obvious that OP means Trump will be gone then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, you're a good example of why it's so often ill-advised to be a single parent by choice. Very short-sighted and frankly selfish idea.

Well not every woman can find a partner. I know I didn’t despite I was very nice: high income, does domestic upkeep and too busy for drama. No one wanted me 😆

[Anonymous]

Get off your high horse OP. Boo hoo you don’t think admin work is worth your precious time. Be happy to be doing easier work at what you say is a high salary and still have a job.

Agree it sucks not seeing your son more, but this is life in this area with hell traffic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where's Dad?

She clearly states she conceived via donor sperm. Dad doesn’t exist, practically speaking. OP, I’m sorry it’s so hard. All this change sucks, and being away from our kids also sucks, especially when the work isn’t satisfying.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why you think the school system is going to be easier/fewer hours, for the same salary.

Your current schedule and feeling rushed is normal. And even in two-parent families the grind usually falls on one parent. But if you’re miserable, definitely polish up your resume and explore other career options.

[Anonymous]

With only one kid just move near work. I only say this as I had a job in Bethesda right by Metro and single Mom with one kid was having trouble juggling it all and live din Ashburn.

She eventually just got an apt in Bethesda across the street from office. 30 second walk to work and our office was next door to a Catholic Elementary school. Literally next door and she went there and life was good again.

She even ate lunch with daughter once in awhile at our cafeteria and just stepped out for PTA and back to school nights things like a appointment on outlook as school next door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your issue is that you are single. You brought a kid into the world single. What did you think it would be like? Where is your support system? This is most families OP but they have a significant other to help with financial, physical and logistical burdens.

Sure that is part of the issue. What I thought it would be like was what it was like the first 2.5 years- the job I signed up for where I was doing something productive and had value. 2 days in the office a week with a shorter commute bc traffic was better then.

I took a high paying job that I was good at and was doing fine. Now I spend my day doing stupid things for no reason and it doesnt seem worth the time away from my kid.

NP. Partners don't always make rearing a child easier. And most families don't provide significant help. Don't let the PP rearrange facts to make you feel bad.

OP, my son just turned 5, and I left my fed job when he turned 2. For much of this time, I might as well have been a single mom. I work a part time contract now and will for the near future. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Focus on your mental health, physical health, and your child's well-being.