This isn't working. I need a new plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With only one kid just move near work. I only say this as I had a job in Bethesda right by Metro and single Mom with one kid was having trouble juggling it all and live din Ashburn.

She eventually just got an apt in Bethesda across the street from office. 30 second walk to work and our office was next door to a Catholic Elementary school. Literally next door and she went there and life was good again.

She even ate lunch with daughter once in awhile at our cafeteria and just stepped out for PTA and back to school nights things like a appointment on outlook as school next door.

I would second this advice because I’m all for downscaling and shorter commutes. But moving for fed employment is super risky right now. OP could move and then get RIF’d. Then what if her next job ends up being even farther away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With only one kid just move near work. I only say this as I had a job in Bethesda right by Metro and single Mom with one kid was having trouble juggling it all and live din Ashburn.

She eventually just got an apt in Bethesda across the street from office. 30 second walk to work and our office was next door to a Catholic Elementary school. Literally next door and she went there and life was good again.

She even ate lunch with daughter once in awhile at our cafeteria and just stepped out for PTA and back to school nights things like a appointment on outlook as school next door.

I would second this advice because I’m all for downscaling and shorter commutes. But moving for fed employment is super risky right now. OP could move and then get RIF’d. Then what if her next job ends up being even farther away?

They could rent. No option will be perfect but moving to a rental right near work or the metro would be a good solution. Otherwise OP can just keep commuting and wait to see if they get RIFed.

[Anonymous]

If my math is right, your child was conceived during COVID, and so you have always had a remote/hybrid commuting situation. My kids are now tweens/teens, so I was in-office five days when they were in preschool (pre-COVID). What you are feeling is completely normal.

You’ve gotten some good suggestions to simplify your life. It’s so much easier to move when your kid isn’t tied to a public school. But if you move, I would be very intentional about where: pick a school district that you can afford long term (either renting or buying or renting-then-buying), to give your child some stability. I would also pick someplace that allows you commuting options if you do decide to leave the government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding teaching:
Keep in mind the hours aren’t as child-friendly as many think, especially when you are new to the field. The school day is exhausting and overstimulating, so you won’t have as much energy for your own child at night. Night is also when you need to prepare for the following day. And if you need to take leave, you need to budget time to make plans and (in some schools) find your own substitute.

There are good reasons to consider education, but convenient timing isn’t one of them.

This times one million. I honestly don't know how I made it through as a single parent teacher. I made no money and was exhausted by the time I picked up my child. The only thing I had on my side was that my child was young when I was in my 30s. It would be a huge pay cut for you and I wouldn't recommend it. Coming back from a vacation is hard but don't make any rash decisions.

[Anonymous]

You say you could live on less but are behind on savings. I think you need to keep your job for now and save save save. Can you move closer to work? Maybe use some pto to leave early some days?

I have been 3 days in person for most of COVID, 4 days since March. My kid and l are used to it. I’m also doing a bunch of asinine DOGE related work to justify my program’s existence. I don’t love it but it could be much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, you're a good example of why it's so often ill-advised to be a single parent by choice. Very short-sighted and frankly selfish idea.

Looks like that one DCUMer who never makes a bad decision and perfectly plays office politics woke up from their nap.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid and one husband but similar challenges. Try talking to your supervisor. There are more flexiblities than I realized. That has helped me. Also I hired some neighborhood teens to fill in gaps. They aren't expensive, nearby, and the hour or two of help has made a difference.

As for the state of things, it's a challenge for me, but try to rise above the current noise. Take care of yourself. We all are optimistic that we'll make it to midterms. But in your free time, doesn't hurt to avoid the news and apply for some other jobs.
.

[Anonymous]

OP, three thoughts, all time-based:

1) You're in a rough time of life for your kid right now. 3yo is a precious age, but also very labor intensive and exhausting for the parent. Enjoy the good parts, but know the LOE will go down/change pretty soon. Life will get easier.

2) The world kind of sucks right now, so the macro conditions in which you exist aren't helping. Those, too, won't last forever.

3) You just got back from vacation. EVERYBODY feels those feelings just after a vacation. Not to invalidate them, but the realities of life will help them fade. Give yourself time so that you're not making grand decisions based on the temporary acuteness of these emotions. You want to be very clear-headed and relatively detached before you execute major life changes.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding teaching:
Keep in mind the hours aren’t as child-friendly as many think, especially when you are new to the field. The school day is exhausting and overstimulating, so you won’t have as much energy for your own child at night. Night is also when you need to prepare for the following day. And if you need to take leave, you need to budget time to make plans and (in some schools) find your own substitute.

There are good reasons to consider education, but convenient timing isn’t one of them.

This. Teachers have to work in-person and taking any time off last minute or planned is stressful and a huge pain. And 85% of teachers work plenty outside of school hours. The summer is a nice break but the school year is intense and incredibly draining.

[Anonymous]

Keep the Fed job OP. I am a mostly single mom (there is a dad but he provides no financial support and did very little hands-on support when we were together). I entered the government when my child was 3 and I am SO happy now that I did 10 years later. I made it through DOGE and feel the job is pretty secure again. My TSP after 10 years maxing out looks great.

It is really hard not to see your kid as much as you want but remember that part of being a parent is being a financial provider.

Unless you have some really good alternatives in the private sector (and maybe you do if you are in health care) think long and hard about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the jerks. You mention lifestyle creep. Could you sell your home and move into an apartment? That would (likely) be a quick way to cut expenses, making it more palatable to take a pay cut for a more flexible job/better hours. No guarantee that a flexible job won't leave you feeling like you're grinding your gears professionally as you are now, though.

Alternatively (or in addition), selling your home could give some cushion to allow hiring help for camp/school pickup and meal prep so the time you do have with you kid is not spend rushing around getting necessities taken care of.

Selling the house and moving really close to the office isn’t a bad idea at all.

[Anonymous]

See if you can find something closer where you can use your degree? I just left gov for the same (rto + childcare) reasons and I networked like I’ve never networked before- contacted everyone I know; tons and tons of informational interviews, etc. I found something for same pay much closer.

[Anonymous]

Do not think teaching or the schook system is the answer. You will work 60 hour weeks and train during the summers for the first 3 years. You will never have time to go to the bathroom because you can't leave the classroom. Teachers have terrible bladder issues. It is an exhausting job and not parent friendly at all unless you have been at it at least 5 years when you have kids.

Your job may not be ideal at the moment but 3 is also one of the hardest years. Once they turn 4 it gets easier with every passing year. I would honestly move into DC for the free prek3 (unless they lose funding), since that will help with less in the way of daycare costs. Get a 1 bedroom on the metro. Rent out your house and use the rent to pay your Mortgage.