MIL forgot my birthday amidst her pettiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you really must say something -- and I don't think you should -- tomorrow send a breezy text about how much you enjoyed celebrating your birthday.

Oh goodness no. That’s so passive aggressive!

Being passive aggressive is not the end of the world. Being rude is not the end of the world. Sometimes you NEED to respond in this way. But in this instance, I really don't think forgetting a birthday or deliberately not sending wishes is a big deal. I would move on and not even think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re an adult. It’s okay if your MIL does not acknowledge your birthday this year or any other year.

Absolutely! But this isn’t about that or me, it’s about the principle and the double standard. But I guess PP is correct that it’s time to just drop the rope.

It sounds like she's the sort to implement double standards no matter what. You're just salty that this time it happened to you. So maybe take it in stride and recognize she's never going to change.

I’m salty because she knows her son isn’t behind any of the niceties she enjoys, and because she’s irrationally upset with him, she’s also choosing to slight me. I guess I’m mad at myself for thinking our relationship was different or would transcend the pettiness with DH.

[Anonymous]

You are an adult, your birthday isn't important. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult, your birthday isn't important. Get over yourself.

I heard you the first time and responded accordingly. Your advice has been noted. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Do you even like your MIL and why are you putting all this effort into maintaining a relationship with her despite the tension she has with your husband? It’s his mom. I would let him take the lead.

Are you people pleaser?
Agree you should drop the rope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you really must say something -- and I don't think you should -- tomorrow send a breezy text about how much you enjoyed celebrating your birthday.

Oh goodness no. That’s so passive aggressive!

Much better to get a significant piece of jewelry, wear it in a number of photos, and then next time you have plans ask “I wanted to wear the diamonds DH got me for my birthday for dinner next week— do you think they’re too much with this outfit?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. I would do and say nothing about it to her.

I would casually mention to DH that it is time he take over gifts and cards for his side of the family.

Then step back. I would still send a simple happy birthday text on her birthday.

This. This is your cue to back away from being involved. Let your DH take over and don’t be involved anymore other than your own individual expressions of happy birthday or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult, your birthday isn't important. Get over yourself.

I heard you the first time and responded accordingly. Your advice has been noted. Thank you.

That wasn’t me. I posted the first time. This is a different poster. We’re both smart, but we’re different people.

[Anonymous]

It's so strange to me that adults get mad at people not sending cards or whatever for their birthdays. It's so nice if someone remembers (thanks, Facebook!) but I can't imagine being mad about not hearing from my elderly MIL. Get a job.

Similarly, there's always someone writing into the advice columns, ranting because their late-middle-age friend didn't send a gift to the letter writer's adult child who is getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re an adult. It’s okay if your MIL does not acknowledge your birthday this year or any other year.

X10000 good lord, op. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your sign to drop the rope. You know, the rope you never should have picked up in the first place. You should have recognized and respected that your husband has chosen not to observe these kinds of niceties, probably because she is so petty and vindictive, and he’s had to deal with that for decades.

Drop the rope. Don’t insert yourself. Stop. If he’s not making an effort, and his parents aren’t making an effort, why are you? Stop. Just stop. Really.

+1 Dropping the rope is the true way to get back as your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Another poster who thinks it would only be important that your MIL forgot your birthday if you were, like, 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so strange to me that adults get mad at people not sending cards or whatever for their birthdays. It's so nice if someone remembers (thanks, Facebook!) but I can't imagine being mad about not hearing from my elderly MIL. Get a job.

Similarly, there's always someone writing into the advice columns, ranting because their late-middle-age friend didn't send a gift to the letter writer's adult child who is getting married.

I know. It looks like the OP and her MIL deserve each other. Seriously, you're bean counting and petty just like her!

[Anonymous]

I mean...

... you actually took the time to create a thread on DCUM about this?

Yikes. Petty indeed.

[Anonymous]

We have been married 17 years and my in laws have never acknowledged my birthday. We don’t have much of a relationship.