Struggling as new parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I charted poops/diapers with my first kid.

When I had my second I was able to laugh at myself about this. You just know what to do.

The learning curve is steep but it only takes a few weeks in most cases. Unless your baby has a feeding problem that impacts growth. Or is colicky/a continual crier.

If your baby cries (as long as it's not making you depressed/anxious), just pick up the baby. It's basically just a safety thing for their survival. You can snuggle, baby wear, have dad baby wear or whatever makes baby confident someone is right there with them. Sometimes they can be soothed just by having a hand on some part of their body while they are snoozing. Swaddling really works well for a lot of criers. Give it a try.

We are tracking everything with an app.

We don’t let him cry by himself. He has only cried twice where feeding/burping/changing didn’t help. We always try to soothe him.

We have that fancy bassinet gifted to us. He is swaddled and rocked to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop breastfeeding
Get on a formula schedule
Find parenting classes in your neighborhood
Join a moms group
Scheduled feeding will be easier

Change clothes in morning and at night unless he gets wet in between then change of course

Call your pediatrician for help
Go to the library get a book on what to do with a new born

He sometimes spits up but it’s a tiny amount. Do we leave him in that sleeper or change for every little wet spot on him?

Use a small soft bib so you can change that without changing the whole outfit.

I don’t like using those. It makes me worry about strangulation. Moves around too much and that worries me.

[Anonymous]

Ahhhh this is giving me all the feels (good and bad) of when I came home with my first kid. I remember looking at my husband and saying so what now? This is what we do forever?

It gets better! Right now it’s just eat, sleep and grind. Nothing else matters. Once they get a little bigger I was very very very adamant on sleep schedules.

All my kids were on a 2-3-4 schedule from around 4 months to 14 months old. So whatever time they woke up it was sleep 2 hours after that, then once they woke up from that nap it was sleep 3 hours after that. Then from that wake up it was 4 hours (sometimes 3.5) until bedtime. I pushed all liquid between wake up times. All 3 of my kids slept 12 hours a night by 4-5 months old. If they missed an ounce or two of formula/breastmilk during the day I knew they would be up at night. I tracked it religiously with my first and then just knew off the top of my head with the rest.

Good luck!! It gets better!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now is grueling but simple: the baby has a tiny stomach and so it needs to eat a lot to get bigger, and as part of that process get a bigger stomach so that it can go longer between feeds (and sleep longer). When it’s not eating, it will be asleep or crying. Change it when it’s wet (the diaper should change color). You can wait to change a wet diaper but should change a poopy diaper immediately. There probably will not be a clear schedule until closer to four months.

Formula or breast milk is fine. Breastfeeding is harder at first but—if you and baby get the hang of it, which isn’t guaranteed—easier eventually. As long as the baby is eating and growing and alive, you’re doing it right.

The hospital told us feed every 3 hours. He is eating every 2 hours. Last night he was up every 1.5 hours ready to eat. Feeding takes 45m - 1 hour and he eats again 1 hour later. He is feeding way more often than the hospital told us to feed him. Sometimes I wonder if he is getting enough because he seems like he always wants to eat.

We have been changing his diaper every 1.5 hours but I wonder if that’s too much. His blue line isn’t that bad on his diaper.

Sometimes he cries for no reason. Last night he cried for like 10 minutes. Nothing helped and then he just fell asleep.

If you’re worried he’s not eating enough, have a lactation consultant do a weighted feed—they weigh the baby before and after it nurses to see if it’s actually getting milk. Since it’s only been 5 days, it’s possible your milk hasn’t fully come in yet (mine took a week and after that I was able to breastfeed exclusively). If the baby isn’t getting enough breast milk, the lactation consultant can give you advice about whether to supplement with formula. (I supplemented with formula before my milk came in, and I was still able to breastfeed exclusively later—so try not to worry too much if you get this advice.) there are lactation consultants that come to your home. You may also be able to find a breastfeeding center or group that has walk in hours.

It may be that the baby isn’t getting enough milk, which you can know for sure after a weighted feed. But it might also be that he is hungrier than average, fussier than average, or needs to eat more often. At this stage, there’s a lot of unpredictability.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Needing to eat every two hours is normal. His stomach is TINY and can't hold a lot of food so he digests and then needs more. Keep in mind when he was inside you he was satiated at all times. Now he has to figure out how to use his mouth and throat and to digest differently. It's a LOT of work.

Crying for ten minutes is totally normal. Use a spit up blankie or bib or rag so that you don't have to change his outfit when he eats, burps and spits up.

[Anonymous]

Best advice I got:
Aim nipple towards the roof of the baby's mouth for easier latch.
Enjoy your baby! (A great reminder: this time goes so fast and sometimes we are so busy worrying and wondering if we are doing it right we forget to appreciate it.)
Babies cry, it's just what they do. It's not your fault. Sometimes they are just tired or there is no obvious cause.
Baby is sleeping and gaining weight and sometimes awake? You're good. Go to regular pediatrician baby visits and don't worry too much.
It's hard for everybody! You got this.

[Anonymous]

Op use the bib while your burping the baby. Then remove it. Obviously don’t have him wear it otherwise. Are you the first in your friend/family circle with a newborn? If not, lean on your friends for advice or to bounce things around.

[Anonymous]

Everything you described is pretty normal. It sucks and no one talks about it.

You might try giving him pumped milk in a bottle to see if he gets more milk that way. My kid sucked at latching until 6 weeks and I had to pump and bottle feed while we kept practicing.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Hi there OP! I agree with others, it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure. I remember looking at my husband and crying the first time back at home with our son. It had occurred to me that I didn’t know how to cut his fingernails and I just melted. My husband, new to babies too, just reassured me that if millions of others were able to figure it out, we would too. I pass the same advice along to you. It feels so overwhelming, but the fact that you are posting about this means you care, and you will figure it out. My son had lost a lot of weight in the hospital and I had to feed him every two hours. It took him 45 minutes each time he fed. For the first few weeks, it was tough, but then he became a faster eater, and at one point (I wish I could remember when) we were advised that we could feed him less often. You will make it through. Your pediatrician will weigh him at each visit. You should feel free to discuss him feeding with the pediatrician. As for diapers, we did not change on a schedule. Just when we noticed it starting to look fuller, or as soon as we smelled something. We learned that if we changed his diaper before I fed him, he would often fall asleep at the end of a feeding. If we changed him after I fed him, it would wake him up. I did not change him for a small bit of spot up, but changed him if it was a big bit. I loved the kimono style shirts as they were so easy to take off and put on him. Best bit of advice, which seems obvious but so fought it at first, is to sleep when he sleeps. I wanted to clean and do other things. It is okay to let other things go while you get the hang of having a newborn. When he is older, I also suggest that you look to join a local mom’s group. It was so nice to have friends going through exactly what I was going through. There were five of us in my neighborhood who had babies within 3 months of each other. We started an afternoon stroller walk where we would meet outside with the kids for 45 minutes and walk around the neighborhood. I highly recommend this is you can connect with any other new parents. I’ll and by saying, I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Best book for new parents- What to Expect the First Year. It goes into different cries, what their poop should look like, milestones, etc. really practical information. You can probably get a digital copy from your local Library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop breastfeeding
Get on a formula schedule
Find parenting classes in your neighborhood
Join a moms group
Scheduled feeding will be easier

Change clothes in morning and at night unless he gets wet in between then change of course

Call your pediatrician for help
Go to the library get a book on what to do with a new born

He sometimes spits up but it’s a tiny amount. Do we leave him in that sleeper or change for every little wet spot on him?

Bibs. Put him in a little bib. When he spits up a little, it’s much easier to change the bib than the sleeper

[Anonymous]

+1 on PACE. Best thing I ever did as a new mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Formula.

Stop with the stupid formula comment.

quotes a post that should be deleted

[Anonymous]

My biggest piece of advice is make sure you burp thoroughly. I wasn't always confident and definitely didn't get him fully burped often and then he ended up with reflux.

[Anonymous]

Someone told me early on to love em, feed em and change em. I think being chronically online leads to unrealistic expectations and unnecessary stress. You obviously are a good mom judging by the fact that you’re asking this question. Lean into that, tune out everything else. It gets SOOOO MUCH EASIER.

-mom of 3