Struggling as new parents
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Anonymous
| We are new parents to a 5 day and have zero clue what we are doing. We are still learning his cues and what to do but it’s very hard. We don’t know what he wants when he gets fussy, if we change him too much, how often to change his clothes, how often to feed, when to put to sleep, etc. Breastfeeding has been the biggest challenge for me. Send me some advice. |
Anonymous
| Join a group for new moms- PACE is the best if you’re in the DC area. Learning from other new moms is the best way to get the info you need, keep your sanity, and make new friends at this crazy moment in your life. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
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Stop breastfeeding
Get on a formula schedule Find parenting classes in your neighborhood Join a moms group Scheduled feeding will be easier Change clothes in morning and at night unless he gets wet in between then change of course Call your pediatrician for help Go to the library get a book on what to do with a new born |
Anonymous
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Congratulations! Everyone feels this way! It’s so hard at first. Hang in there, you’ll figure out how to survive little by little, and then your baby will grow some more and you’ll have to figure out new stuff all over again.
I had absolutely no clue what I was doing with my first and I cried all the time and she cried all the time and it was so, so hard. My only advice is to embrace good enough. Just get through the day and then through the night. Do what you have to do to survive. I promise it will get better eventually and you won’t remember the fuzzy details of these days. |
Anonymous
| Consider hiring a night nurse or post partum doula so you have someone you can ask questions. |
Anonymous
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Babies sometimes "root" when they're hungry- it looks like moving their mouth/head around looking for something to latch onto. Also, you'll learn his different cries - one for hunger, one for gas, one for wet, one for tired. You'll notice "windows" when it's easiest to put the baby to sleep.
Keep in mind infants cry because the world is overwhelming and being a person is new and scary and hard. They are not meant to be out of the womb for the first three months - that's why it's called the fourth trimester. Figure he needs to eat every three hours. When putting him to sleep try to recreate the womb - black out curtains and pitch black room, white noise machine with whooshing sound, swaddle tightly because he was snug in your womb. Put him down drowsy. Keep your hand on his belly after you've placed him down so he feels the body heat of your hand for a couple minutes. |
Anonymous
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Do you have a friend or family member with older/grown kids who you trust and would be helpful? If I was a friend of yours, I’d be happy to come for an afternoon and show you the ropes/answer all your questions, and I’d probably order and pay for dinner.
The most important thing at this stage is eating. Yes, nursing can be challenging, especially at first. If you’re in the DC area, call The Breastfeeding Center on Monday (don’t think they’re open on the weekends unfortunately) and make an appointment for a home visit. The appointment is usually covered by insurance, so you’ll just pay the $100 home visit fee. They’ll help you. Remember that if nursing isn’t working for you it’s fine to switch to formula. Really. We changed diapers each feeding. We change clothes when they get poop or a ton of spit up on them, or when the baby gets a bath (once or twice a week at this age) and if we notice it’s been on for like two full days, ha. Stuff like this doesn’t matter much though. Yes, it’s INCREDIBLY hard. You’re not crazy. You will get better at it and your baby will grow and be better too. Human babies are basically all born “too early” so the first few months they’re a bit of a hot mess express. That’s unfortunately normal. Congratulations! You’ve got this! |
Anonymous
I am not interested in stopping breastfeeding. |
Anonymous
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Right now is grueling but simple: the baby has a tiny stomach and so it needs to eat a lot to get bigger, and as part of that process get a bigger stomach so that it can go longer between feeds (and sleep longer). When it’s not eating, it will be asleep or crying. Change it when it’s wet (the diaper should change color). You can wait to change a wet diaper but should change a poopy diaper immediately. There probably will not be a clear schedule until closer to four months.
Formula or breast milk is fine. Breastfeeding is harder at first but—if you and baby get the hang of it, which isn’t guaranteed—easier eventually. As long as the baby is eating and growing and alive, you’re doing it right. |
Anonymous
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Lactation consultant. Had your milk come in? Best $ we spent on someone to come and help and do a weighted feed and see what the best positions were for me.
Hydrate and eat oatmeal (for mom). Change as often as there is pee- get the diapers with the line. Sleep when baby sleeps. They have no way of telling you anything besides fussing. Everything changes week by week too. Congratulations!!! It's hard but it gets easier and you get a flow going. |
Anonymous
The hospital told us feed every 3 hours. He is eating every 2 hours. Last night he was up every 1.5 hours ready to eat. Feeding takes 45m - 1 hour and he eats again 1 hour later. He is feeding way more often than the hospital told us to feed him. Sometimes I wonder if he is getting enough because he seems like he always wants to eat. We have been changing his diaper every 1.5 hours but I wonder if that’s too much. His blue line isn’t that bad on his diaper. Sometimes he cries for no reason. Last night he cried for like 10 minutes. Nothing helped and then he just fell asleep. |
Anonymous
He sometimes spits up but it’s a tiny amount. Do we leave him in that sleeper or change for every little wet spot on him? |
Anonymous
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I charted poops/diapers with my first kid.
When I had my second I was able to laugh at myself about this. You just know what to do. The learning curve is steep but it only takes a few weeks in most cases. Unless your baby has a feeding problem that impacts growth. Or is colicky/a continual crier. If your baby cries (as long as it's not making you depressed/anxious), just pick up the baby. It's basically just a safety thing for their survival. You can snuggle, baby wear, have dad baby wear or whatever makes baby confident someone is right there with them. Sometimes they can be soothed just by having a hand on some part of their body while they are snoozing. Swaddling really works well for a lot of criers. Give it a try. |
Anonymous
I have one coming by next week. My milk came in day 3. I’m nursing + pumping what he doesn’t eat. I don’t like oatmeal but I’m eating well and hydrating. |
Anonymous
Use a small soft bib so you can change that without changing the whole outfit. |