Parents and coaches keep calling my kid tiny

[Anonymous]

What sport and school already has team sports that this age where size matters?

[Anonymous]

With TBI’s who would have their kid play football in this day and age? Consider it a blessing I disguise and switch to other sprite where size doesn’t matter (ie tennis).

[Anonymous]

sprite = sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really it’s skills that matter most. Commitment also matters. But to the extent you believe it’s size that is the deciding factor, kids have their growth spurts at different ages in their teens so it will stop mattering after your kid has his and no one can tell you when that will be.

But really, he needs to show up for every practice, even optional ones, on time and ready to perform in order to make the team and get play time.

Yes, he does all that. Multiple people have said “he’s so good but he will have a hard time later being so small” There is a huge bias for taller and bigger kids in the sports he plays now (basketball and football). We are not small people either, I’m 5’7 and husband is 6’3.

My elementary schooler is over 99th percentile - for height. He’s like 5th for weight. i.e. he IS tiny, despite being taller than everyone. He would not fare well in a contact sport right now, it’s just reality and not an insult.

[Anonymous]

One of the biggest kids in elementary on our oldest kids baseball team stopped growing in the eighth grade peaked out at 5’8. Now kids who were “tiny“ skinny, but obviously had taller parents, are towering over him. That’s not to say this will happen with your kid, but don’t let these comments bother you.

People that say things like that have some weird hangups in my opinion. It’s almost like they think your kid shouldn’t be that good because he’s not as big as their kid and it confuses them? And or people just say stupid things sometimes.

For what it’s worth my youngest is currently in eighth grade only 5’5 and is the starting shortstop and pitcher on their baseball team. We know he’s not going to play beyond high school and that’s just fine. His athletic ability and attention to the fundamentals keeps him in the game and a better ball player than many of the bigger kids who don’t have the baseball IQ and have relied on their size/power. Sadly, seeing many of those kids not making their high school baseball teams.

[Anonymous]

OP have you posted about this before? There have been multiple posts here and on the elementary forum agonizing about a started-on-time kid in a situation where there are a lot of held back kids. Can't you reference the threads you've posted before?

[Anonymous]

My son’s experience is the same. He was always on the smaller side and when he was young it didn’t matter. Around 8th grade we notice a shift in focus on size. My son hit puberty later and we definitely noticed the taller, heavier kids get more play time, even if their skill is at the same level or below my son’s. I’m not imagining this. Other parents even commented on it.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned his weight but not his height. My son is turning 10 in August and is finishing 4th grade. He is 105 lbs and about 5'1. So an 85 lb kid would look tiny next to him. If your kid is tiny, just accept it and focus on other areas of the sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in upper elementary and dealing with some size bias- have heard from multiple coaches, parents and even kids “he’s really good but tiny” He’s in the 95 percentile for height, but he goes to a private school most of the boys are redshirted and he’s turning 10 in July. He’s 85 lbs and incoming 5th grade so not small by any means but small in his peer group because many are 11 already. Has anyone dealt with this? I don’t want him to get passed up for these and it feels like he has to show up and have better skills because he’s small compared to most of the kids. When does this start to even out and not matter? These are in team sports that size matters later and there is a general preference for bigger kids now.

I think 85 lbs for an incoming 5th grader is small. No way thats 95%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in upper elementary and dealing with some size bias- have heard from multiple coaches, parents and even kids “he’s really good but tiny” He’s in the 95 percentile for height, but he goes to a private school most of the boys are redshirted and he’s turning 10 in July. He’s 85 lbs and incoming 5th grade so not small by any means but small in his peer group because many are 11 already. Has anyone dealt with this? I don’t want him to get passed up for these and it feels like he has to show up and have better skills because he’s small compared to most of the kids. When does this start to even out and not matter? These are in team sports that size matters later and there is a general preference for bigger kids now.

I think 85 lbs for an incoming 5th grader is small. No way thats 95%.

She said 95th percentile for height, not weight.

[Anonymous]

This thread blows my mind, LOL. An 85lb 5th grader is not small.

My older DS was 93lbs as a 14yo 8th grader. He is now 6’2”.

Boys grow at VERY different rates. Many of the “big kids” at this age will not remain so.

Yes, there will always be a bias towards larger kids in sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in upper elementary and dealing with some size bias- have heard from multiple coaches, parents and even kids “he’s really good but tiny” He’s in the 95 percentile for height, but he goes to a private school most of the boys are redshirted and he’s turning 10 in July. He’s 85 lbs and incoming 5th grade so not small by any means but small in his peer group because many are 11 already. Has anyone dealt with this? I don’t want him to get passed up for these and it feels like he has to show up and have better skills because he’s small compared to most of the kids. When does this start to even out and not matter? These are in team sports that size matters later and there is a general preference for bigger kids now.

I think 85 lbs for an incoming 5th grader is small. No way thats 95%.

She said 95th percentile for height, not weight.

I wonder what that is. 5 feet? If he's only 85 lbs but is tall i would just call that skinny or scrawny, which is different from tiny. Tiny kids sometimes have strength they are just compact. They can use being short to their advantage to weave, and they usually dont get call on fouls as much. String beans are probably the least desired for many sports. Tiny is different from tall and skinny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread blows my mind, LOL. An 85lb 5th grader is not small.

My older DS was 93lbs as a 14yo 8th grader. He is now 6’2”.

Boys grow at VERY different rates. Many of the “big kids” at this age will not remain so.

Yes, there will always be a bias towards larger kids in sports.

A 93 lb 8th grade boy would be way too small to play football.

Height to weight proportions matter, but I would definitely consider your son tiny at that age.

But to your point it won't matter forever! Kids grow, especially boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the biggest kids in elementary on our oldest kids baseball team stopped growing in the eighth grade peaked out at 5’8. Now kids who were “tiny“ skinny, but obviously had taller parents, are towering over him. That’s not to say this will happen with your kid, but don’t let these comments bother you.

People that say things like that have some weird hangups in my opinion. It’s almost like they think your kid shouldn’t be that good because he’s not as big as their kid and it confuses them? And or people just say stupid things sometimes.

For what it’s worth my youngest is currently in eighth grade only 5’5 and is the starting shortstop and pitcher on their baseball team. We know he’s not going to play beyond high school and that’s just fine. His athletic ability and attention to the fundamentals keeps him in the game and a better ball player than many of the bigger kids who don’t have the baseball IQ and have relied on their size/power. Sadly, seeing many of those kids not making their high school baseball teams.

That’s the frustrating thing, that there seems to be an assumption that size correlates with skill. I can see post puberty when it’s more about general strength but a lot of the smaller kids are fast and skilled and some of the biggest kids are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in upper elementary and dealing with some size bias- have heard from multiple coaches, parents and even kids “he’s really good but tiny” He’s in the 95 percentile for height, but he goes to a private school most of the boys are redshirted and he’s turning 10 in July. He’s 85 lbs and incoming 5th grade so not small by any means but small in his peer group because many are 11 already. Has anyone dealt with this? I don’t want him to get passed up for these and it feels like he has to show up and have better skills because he’s small compared to most of the kids. When does this start to even out and not matter? These are in team sports that size matters later and there is a general preference for bigger kids now.

I think 85 lbs for an incoming 5th grader is small. No way thats 95%.

She said 95th percentile for height, not weight.

I wonder what that is. 5 feet? If he's only 85 lbs but is tall i would just call that skinny or scrawny, which is different from tiny. Tiny kids sometimes have strength they are just compact. They can use being short to their advantage to weave, and they usually dont get call on fouls as much. String beans are probably the least desired for many sports. Tiny is different from tall and skinny.

He’s 85 lbs which is in the 84 percentile for weight so a little slimmer than he is tall but I wouldn’t say 84 percentile is a string bean. That’s a very healthy weight for his height.