Parents and coaches keep calling my kid tiny

[Anonymous]

We are in upper elementary and dealing with some size bias- have heard from multiple coaches, parents and even kids “he’s really good but tiny” He’s in the 95 percentile for height, but he goes to a private school most of the boys are redshirted and he’s turning 10 in July. He’s 85 lbs and incoming 5th grade so not small by any means but small in his peer group because many are 11 already. Has anyone dealt with this? I don’t want him to get passed up for these and it feels like he has to show up and have better skills because he’s small compared to most of the kids. When does this start to even out and not matter? These are in team sports that size matters later and there is a general preference for bigger kids now.

[Anonymous]

Really it’s skills that matter most. Commitment also matters. But to the extent you believe it’s size that is the deciding factor, kids have their growth spurts at different ages in their teens so it will stop mattering after your kid has his and no one can tell you when that will be.

But really, he needs to show up for every practice, even optional ones, on time and ready to perform in order to make the team and get play time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really it’s skills that matter most. Commitment also matters. But to the extent you believe it’s size that is the deciding factor, kids have their growth spurts at different ages in their teens so it will stop mattering after your kid has his and no one can tell you when that will be.

But really, he needs to show up for every practice, even optional ones, on time and ready to perform in order to make the team and get play time.

Yes, he does all that. Multiple people have said “he’s so good but he will have a hard time later being so small” There is a huge bias for taller and bigger kids in the sports he plays now (basketball and football). We are not small people either, I’m 5’7 and husband is 6’3.

[Anonymous]

Just calm down and wait a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just calm down and wait a few years.

Yes, I’m asking when it evens out and it’s not such a noticeable size gap .

[Anonymous]

The older he gets the more size will matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The older he gets the more size will matter.

There’s a big difference between a 9 and 11 year old, less so for a 16 and 17 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really it’s skills that matter most. Commitment also matters. But to the extent you believe it’s size that is the deciding factor, kids have their growth spurts at different ages in their teens so it will stop mattering after your kid has his and no one can tell you when that will be.

But really, he needs to show up for every practice, even optional ones, on time and ready to perform in order to make the team and get play time.

Yes, he does all that. Multiple people have said “he’s so good but he will have a hard time later being so small” There is a huge bias for taller and bigger kids in the sports he plays now (basketball and football). We are not small people either, I’m 5’7 and husband is 6’3.

I was thinking you might be talking about basketball or football. Not sure about football, but lots of small kids are really successful in basketball if they have good skills. Some of the necessary skills might come easier to taller people, which might be what people mean when they say he’ll have a hard time later. but if he offers something that others don’t and/or he’s as good as taller kids in the same skills, he will do fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really it’s skills that matter most. Commitment also matters. But to the extent you believe it’s size that is the deciding factor, kids have their growth spurts at different ages in their teens so it will stop mattering after your kid has his and no one can tell you when that will be.

But really, he needs to show up for every practice, even optional ones, on time and ready to perform in order to make the team and get play time.

Yes, unfortunately our school coaches really favor just huge kids with less skills. Several kids make the team every year and start that are just physically huge kids but don’t necessarily have any special skills. I’m talking about boys who are already 5’3 and 125 pounds, incoming 5th. We have several like this because many are much older for the grade and turned 11 in February or March. My son and a few others are turning 10 this summer.
Yes, he does all that. Multiple people have said “he’s so good but he will have a hard time later being so small” There is a huge bias for taller and bigger kids in the sports he plays now (basketball and football). We are not small people either, I’m 5’7 and husband is 6’3.

I was thinking you might be talking about basketball or football. Not sure about football, but lots of small kids are really successful in basketball if they have good skills. Some of the necessary skills might come easier to taller people, which might be what people mean when they say he’ll have a hard time later. but if he offers something that others don’t and/or he’s as good as taller kids in the same skills, he will do fine.

[Anonymous]

Tell them he’s the proper height but a year younger as you had faith in him that he could handle school.

[Anonymous]

His school coaches have a real bias towards the really big kids, kids who are over 115 lbs and 5’2+ which is big for 9-11 year olds. They always start, regardless of skill.

[Anonymous]

At 95th percentile even as a younger for his grade kid, I can't believe people are saying your child is tiny! Clearly with your parental heights, he's going to be quite tall. You asked about when the size difference starts to even out- I don't think anyone can say because puberty hits kids at different ages (which I'm sure you know). I can just tell you anecdotally that my son has friends who shot up early in 5th or 6th grade and now at 15, have plateaued and lots are catching up or surpassing them now.

My son is also 95th percentile for height but he's grown pretty steadily. He plays baseball and is one of the taller kids on his team at 6'1" but if you look at the football and obviously basketball kids' heights, he'd be one of the more average to smaller kids. Obviously your son plays sports known for physical size so he may never catch up to those older boys...or he might tower over them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 95th percentile even as a younger for his grade kid, I can't believe people are saying your child is tiny! Clearly with your parental heights, he's going to be quite tall. You asked about when the size difference starts to even out- I don't think anyone can say because puberty hits kids at different ages (which I'm sure you know). I can just tell you anecdotally that my son has friends who shot up early in 5th or 6th grade and now at 15, have plateaued and lots are catching up or surpassing them now.

My son is also 95th percentile for height but he's grown pretty steadily. He plays baseball and is one of the taller kids on his team at 6'1" but if you look at the football and obviously basketball kids' heights, he'd be one of the more average to smaller kids. Obviously your son plays sports known for physical size so he may never catch up to those older boys...or he might tower over them!

Agree on basketball but football has fairly large average sizes by position.

Linemen are all generally tall and huge but the average NFL cornerback is 5’11”.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a ready comment when they say that. These coaches just assume everyone is 11, especially if you sent your kid to a sporty private where everyone holds their kids back. Just say, “well he’s almost two years younger than most of these kids, he’ll keep growing. How are his skills?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have a ready comment when they say that. These coaches just assume everyone is 11, especially if you sent your kid to a sporty private where everyone holds their kids back. Just say, “well he’s almost two years younger than most of these kids, he’ll keep growing. How are his skills?”

+1 and I really like that line because it reminds the coaches that he is younger and to focus on the skills.