Should I not marry a high earner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

Well...does he work too much? DH is a high earner but he doesn't work to the point that I'm in charge of everything. He cooks a lot of dinners, takes DS to a lot of activities, helps coach one of his sports teams, helps around the house, etc. So I suppose it depends. High earner doesn't automatically equal someone who works so much they are never around.

Most high earners work a lot and don’t spend as much time with wife and kids. Your DH may be an exception. Or maybe he’s not earning enough to be a high earner.
Is he making at least $1m?

[Anonymous]

Its often a given for lower earner to do more to support higher earner so money keeps flowing.

If you want equality, earn more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

I’m not. I’m realistic. I want to marry a man who is an active husband and father before anything. I ( we) are planning on having 2-4 kids and I do not want to be the sole bearer of raising kids. I will never quit my job and do not want to feel like I’m competing with a high earning partner.

Okay, then go find someone who flips burgers for a living.

It’s not about high earners versus people flipping burgers. I would pick a guy who is making $250k and has enough time to spend with the kids over a guy who is making $500 but can’t do that.

I think this is what OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Thing is that if higher earner loses his job or doesn't get the big bonus, it hits family finances so practically their job is more important. Also, any company giving big bucks demands to be employee's priority. There is more competition for these jobs and its often hard to find high level job if you lose one.

[Anonymous]

Lady with the way things are going you’re going to need the high earner and the rest is luxury values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

I’m not. I’m realistic. I want to marry a man who is an active husband and father before anything. I ( we) are planning on having 2-4 kids and I do not want to be the sole bearer of raising kids. I will never quit my job and do not want to feel like I’m competing with a high earning partner.

Okay, then go find someone who flips burgers for a living.

You’re a dense troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

Well...does he work too much? DH is a high earner but he doesn't work to the point that I'm in charge of everything. He cooks a lot of dinners, takes DS to a lot of activities, helps coach one of his sports teams, helps around the house, etc. So I suppose it depends. High earner doesn't automatically equal someone who works so much they are never around.

Most high earners work a lot and don’t spend as much time with wife and kids. Your DH may be an exception. Or maybe he’s not earning enough to be a high earner.
Is he making at least $1m?

Oh I love the laughable and stupidly out of touch dc bubble. 99% of the world doesn’t make $1 million. Op said her guy makes 400k+ plus which is in the top 5% of earnings. With the median income of $65k and dc being 106k, he is considered a high earner. Only in the dumb dc bubble do people think making 1m is normal and anything less isn’t a
“ high earner”. The irony that some of the people on here who claim to be the most educated, are seriously dumb and so out of touch with 99% of the real world.

[Anonymous]

My guess is these ladies are trying to warn you about this particular guy.

[Anonymous]

I would worry more about alcohol, drugs, faithfulness, shared religion and values.

[Anonymous]

My dad was a very high earner. We barely saw him growing up. Some women want their cake and eat it too. They want the lifestyle and the emotional support. I.am sorry but if you have a partner who is in a particular field and is among the top 0.5% of earners he is going to be absent a lot.

[Anonymous]

Marry him. They are so jealous and find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Not in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Set him free. He deserves better.

[Anonymous]

OP, get it together. This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

I’m not. I’m realistic. I want to marry a man who is an active husband and father before anything. I ( we) are planning on having 2-4 kids and I do not want to be the sole bearer of raising kids. I will never quit my job and do not want to feel like I’m competing with a high earning partner.

Okay, then go find someone who flips burgers for a living.

It’s not about high earners versus people flipping burgers. I would pick a guy who is making $250k and has enough time to spend with the kids over a guy who is making $500 but can’t do that.

I think this is what OP is talking about.

This feels like a troll post, but I'll bite. You make it sound like if OP doesn't marry this man, she can just pick up a man making $250K that doesn't work a lot of hours. The next guy may work fewer hours, but not want to do half the work at home anyway, or have family issues, or drink too much, or make less and work more hours, or any number of things. Do you love this person and think he will make a good life partner? Is he mentally stable? Do you and he think of yourselves as being on the same team? Does he make time for you now?