Should I not marry a high earner?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is going to propose soon and I’m very happy but I’ve had a couple people tell me to not marry a man like him because high earners make terrible husbands and dads. I love him and he treats me very well. He has always made me a priority, despite working a lot. I can’t predict the future or definitively say he will be a good husband/dad. Are these assumptions true?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

[Anonymous]

You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

I’m not. I’m realistic. I want to marry a man who is an active husband and father before anything. I ( we) are planning on having 2-4 kids and I do not want to be the sole bearer of raising kids. I will never quit my job and do not want to feel like I’m competing with a high earning partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

Well...does he work too much? DH is a high earner but he doesn't work to the point that I'm in charge of everything. He cooks a lot of dinners, takes DS to a lot of activities, helps coach one of his sports teams, helps around the house, etc. So I suppose it depends. High earner doesn't automatically equal someone who works so much they are never around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend is going to propose soon and I’m very happy but I’ve had a couple people tell me to not marry a man like him because high earners make terrible husbands and dads. I love him and he treats me very well. He has always made me a priority, despite working a lot. I can’t predict the future or definitively say he will be a good husband/dad. Are these assumptions true?

Every person and every relationship is different so no one size fits all advice but combo of wealthy and handsome has more issues than just a high earner due to higher odds of infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

I’m not. I’m realistic. I want to marry a man who is an active husband and father before anything. I ( we) are planning on having 2-4 kids and I do not want to be the sole bearer of raising kids. I will never quit my job and do not want to feel like I’m competing with a high earning partner.

This is what your friends are warning you about. If you make a fraction of what he does, you’re going to pick up the kids every time they’re sick. Unless he’s doing this from home and doesn’t have many meetings or clients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

Well...does he work too much? DH is a high earner but he doesn't work to the point that I'm in charge of everything. He cooks a lot of dinners, takes DS to a lot of activities, helps coach one of his sports teams, helps around the house, etc. So I suppose it depends. High earner doesn't automatically equal someone who works so much they are never around.

He does but his viewpoint is work as much as he can until kids come and he can scale back. He puts in 9-12 hour days often most weeks. He makes $400k+.

[Anonymous]

It makes no difference, some people just flake out whether they are high earners or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

Well...does he work too much? DH is a high earner but he doesn't work to the point that I'm in charge of everything. He cooks a lot of dinners, takes DS to a lot of activities, helps coach one of his sports teams, helps around the house, etc. So I suppose it depends. High earner doesn't automatically equal someone who works so much they are never around.

He does but his viewpoint is work as much as he can until kids come and he can scale back. He puts in 9-12 hour days often most weeks. He makes $400k+.

I'm the PP. This is definitely a greyish territory. I'm sure there are some guys who will stick to that but I feel like it's MUCH more common than when the time comes, he will find reasons not to cut back. And if you're banking on that and then it doesn't happen, you're stuck.

[Anonymous]

It's not about high earning. It's about hours and travel. It can be tough when kids are little. I really leaned back for a while professionally. I am lucky that, by a fluke, I have skills that turned out to be really in demand (AI), so I could stay in relatively high visibility jobs even while part time for a while. Now we're prioritizing my job, but I would not be in a position to ramp up if I'd been in any other field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound too immature to be marrying anyone.

I’m not. I’m realistic. I want to marry a man who is an active husband and father before anything. I ( we) are planning on having 2-4 kids and I do not want to be the sole bearer of raising kids. I will never quit my job and do not want to feel like I’m competing with a high earning partner.

Okay, then go find someone who flips burgers for a living.