Relative plans to check himself into hospice and …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP. so now you care. huh. Leave him alone. Like you have been.

Thank you. You’ve reinforced my decision that my life is not worth living. It is the push I’ve needed.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you jumped to suing the doctors because a patient elects to stop taking medicine is quite off. They can't force a patient to take medication, that is not how that works.

[Anonymous]

WHY ARE YOU CATERING TO HIM?

You don't need to pick up when he calls, or call exactly at the time he wants you to call. You don't need to help him move, or help him in any way!

Stop it.

He can only bother you if you let him. You're not dependent on this guy. Why are you letting him walk all over you???

Unless you're expecting a sizable inheritance, but that's a whole other topic

If you're wondering WHY he's doing this, it's because he's probably on the spectrum and has never been able to understand how to maintain friendships. He can't do the social give and take that normal people can do. Stop expecting anything in that vein. He will make his demands, and you can just ignore or say no.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

There are very specific procedures to be accepted for hospice. He will be interviewed and his records will be reviewed by medical staff. If approved he will likely be provided hospice care as a supplement to his assisted living. Very few people in hospice are in patient.

Let him talk to hospice and they will walk him through how it might work in his case. It sounds like in his current state he might not be approved and if approved they can deal with his decision on lasix. You won’t win by trying to convince him one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother did exactly this in Michigan. She told her doctor she would not be refilling her Lasix and wanted to go into hospice. She was almost 95. They doped her up with morphine and she died in a couple weeks in her own bed.
It wasn't the same situation because she had three adult empty nester children to take care of her. She was just tired. It bothered me at the time but thinking back she seemed very contented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP. so now you care. huh. Leave him alone. Like you have been.

OP ignore this person. They post this kind of crap everywhere because they have nothing better to do with their life.

Anyway, I agree it's his life, his choice. At this age, things generally do not improve.

[Anonymous]

I'm of the mindset death with dignity should be allowed everywhere for certain circumstances so I see no issue with a person with cognitive capability doing what he is doing. I have seen the bitter end with grandparents/parent/inlaws and it is no prize to do everything you can to live to the point of not being able to eat, poop, pee, swallow, talk independently. Once I get to age 70m hopefully before major medical issues I will be researching options. If I get cancer past 75, I will decline any treatment, possibly after 70 if my kids.grandkids are in good shape and we don't have a serious issue where I feel I need to be alive to help out.

I pray I can stay able bodied and pleasant and be a supportive, kind and helpful spouse, mother and if I am lucky grandma. I don't want anyone I loved pulled in different directions and dealing with emergency after emergency. No thanks. Let me chose the dat, give away my stuff, do a fun trip first, eat every decadent food I have ever craved, say some loving goodbyes that fill my loved ones with hope, relief and gratitude (not guilt, misery and suffering) and then get stoned on some good meds until I pass away in a slumber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm of the mindset death with dignity should be allowed everywhere for certain circumstances so I see no issue with a person with cognitive capability doing what he is doing. I have seen the bitter end with grandparents/parent/inlaws and it is no prize to do everything you can to live to the point of not being able to eat, poop, pee, swallow, talk independently. Once I get to age 70m hopefully before major medical issues I will be researching options. If I get cancer past 75, I will decline any treatment, possibly after 70 if my kids.grandkids are in good shape and we don't have a serious issue where I feel I need to be alive to help out.

I pray I can stay able bodied and pleasant and be a supportive, kind and helpful spouse, mother and if I am lucky grandma. I don't want anyone I loved pulled in different directions and dealing with emergency after emergency. No thanks. Let me chose the dat, give away my stuff, do a fun trip first, eat every decadent food I have ever craved, say some loving goodbyes that fill my loved ones with hope, relief and gratitude (not guilt, misery and suffering) and then get stoned on some good meds until I pass away in a slumber.

I am of a similar mindset, but 70 is way too old. This should start in your 40s. My relative is not of that mindset. It is more a passive aggressive regressive response and needs a dog to kick aka me and the friends/family he has verbally attacked for not doing EXACTLY what he wants when he wants it. For example, neighbor who was friends with his decreased wife came to check on him. He then took advantage of her kindness and started expecting her to come over every morning to make and bring him coffee every morning. Then it was do his dishes. Then he’s upset she didn’t put dishes away he was used to having them organized. The woman is also in her 80s. It got ugly with her and other neighbors. I live out of state and agreed to be his executor not his care taker. I did research on places for him. He didn’t want to do then changed his mind on a dime one day and had everyone jump to move him at Christmas. I’ve helped find and get him services. He doesn’t want them or accepts them but then takes advantage of people. I’m one of about 3 people who will deal with him. The other two have known him less than a year but are near him. They are exhausted. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm of the mindset death with dignity should be allowed everywhere for certain circumstances so I see no issue with a person with cognitive capability doing what he is doing. I have seen the bitter end with grandparents/parent/inlaws and it is no prize to do everything you can to live to the point of not being able to eat, poop, pee, swallow, talk independently. Once I get to age 70m hopefully before major medical issues I will be researching options. If I get cancer past 75, I will decline any treatment, possibly after 70 if my kids.grandkids are in good shape and we don't have a serious issue where I feel I need to be alive to help out.

I pray I can stay able bodied and pleasant and be a supportive, kind and helpful spouse, mother and if I am lucky grandma. I don't want anyone I loved pulled in different directions and dealing with emergency after emergency. No thanks. Let me chose the dat, give away my stuff, do a fun trip first, eat every decadent food I have ever craved, say some loving goodbyes that fill my loved ones with hope, relief and gratitude (not guilt, misery and suffering) and then get stoned on some good meds until I pass away in a slumber.

I am of a similar mindset, but 70 is way too old. This should start in your 40s. My relative is not of that mindset. It is more a passive aggressive regressive response and needs a dog to kick aka me and the friends/family he has verbally attacked for not doing EXACTLY what he wants when he wants it. For example, neighbor who was friends with his decreased wife came to check on him. He then took advantage of her kindness and started expecting her to come over every morning to make and bring him coffee every morning. Then it was do his dishes. Then he’s upset she didn’t put dishes away he was used to having them organized. The woman is also in her 80s. It got ugly with her and other neighbors. I live out of state and agreed to be his executor not his care taker. I did research on places for him. He didn’t want to do then changed his mind on a dime one day and had everyone jump to move him at Christmas. I’ve helped find and get him services. He doesn’t want them or accepts them but then takes advantage of people. I’m one of about 3 people who will deal with him. The other two have known him less than a year but are near him. They are exhausted. -OP

I have family members like that who are the type of people who make you think "no good deed goes unpunished." Detach, detach, detach. Only respond to appropriate things and when he gets manipulative you calmly get off phone. Always remain calm and boring and don't expect him to be anything but manipulative and rude. He wants to guilt trip you. Don't reinforce it. Step back not forward.

[Anonymous]

If Lasik is for fluid retention, and he isn't doing dialysis, what will likely happen is that his heart will fill with fluid which will cause a heart attack. He will drown. It isn't an easy way to go, nor is it without suffering and pain.

My father died of renal failure when his port for his dialysis stopped working, which caused fluid to drown his heart and give him a heart attack. It took 4 days. He severely suffered.

My MIL had a severe illness that ultimately is terminal that had no concrete life expectancy (could be 1 year, could be 20 years). After 3 years, she convinced a hospice center to admit her, they thought she would pass in 48 hours. It took over 30 days, basically she starved herself/died from dehydration. But it was what she wanted. This wasn't in the US, not sure that would have been allowed here.

[Anonymous]

He needs company not judgement. Spend time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs company not judgement. Spend time with him.

Never had an issue with his choice. Wasn’t sure it was a legal option in his case. I am done with his unreasonable demands (messages to call him precisely at this time on this day — never mind if I was taking husband to hospital or kid for critical therapy), manipulations, stubbornness (refusing to accept alternative support), verbal abuse (family/friends unwilling to help because of it, staff call security, etc).

[Anonymous]

I believe a doctor has to order hospice? Seemed to be the case with my mom anyway.