Reply to Relative plans to check himself into hospice and …

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm of the mindset death with dignity should be allowed everywhere for certain circumstances so I see no issue with a person with cognitive capability doing what he is doing. I have seen the bitter end with grandparents/parent/inlaws and it is no prize to do everything you can to live to the point of not being able to eat, poop, pee, swallow, talk independently. Once I get to age 70m hopefully before major medical issues I will be researching options. If I get cancer past 75, I will decline any treatment, possibly after 70 if my kids.grandkids are in good shape and we don't have a serious issue where I feel I need to be alive to help out.

I pray I can stay able bodied and pleasant and be a supportive, kind and helpful spouse, mother and if I am lucky grandma. I don't want anyone I loved pulled in different directions and dealing with emergency after emergency. No thanks. Let me chose the dat, give away my stuff, do a fun trip first, eat every decadent food I have ever craved, say some loving goodbyes that fill my loved ones with hope, relief and gratitude (not guilt, misery and suffering) and then get stoned on some good meds until I pass away in a slumber.[/quote]

I am of a similar mindset, but 70 is way too old. This should start in your 40s. My relative is not of that mindset. It is more a passive aggressive regressive response and needs a dog to kick aka me and the friends/family he has verbally attacked for not doing EXACTLY what he wants when he wants it. For example, neighbor who was friends with his decreased wife came to check on him. He then took advantage of her kindness and started expecting her to come over every morning to make and bring him coffee every morning. Then it was do his dishes. Then he’s upset she didn’t put dishes away he was used to having them organized. The woman is also in her 80s. It got ugly with her and other neighbors. I live out of state and agreed to be his executor not his care taker. I did research on places for him. He didn’t want to do then changed his mind on a dime one day and had everyone jump to move him at Christmas. I’ve helped find and get him services. He doesn’t want them or accepts them but then takes advantage of people. I’m one of about 3 people who will deal with him. The other two have known him less than a year but are near him. They are exhausted. -OP[/quote]

I have family members like that who are the type of people who make you think "no good deed goes unpunished." Detach, detach, detach. Only respond to appropriate things and when he gets manipulative you calmly get off phone. Always remain calm and boring and don't expect him to be anything but manipulative and rude. He wants to guilt trip you. Don't reinforce it. Step back not forward.[/quote]

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